How to Human

For my current work in progress, I want to include a brief (but descriptive) sex scene between the male lead and the female love interest. However, I’m not entirely sure about how to describe the sex scene from the male’s perspective. So, I present the following questions for my own research purposes:

  • How do I write a sex scene from a male POV?
  • What does a guy typically think about during sexual intercourse?
  • Can a guy feel when the female orgasms? If so, what does it feel like?

This clueless ace/aro person (me) appreciates all the help that I can get!


Writing sex scenes is impossibly hard, for anyone, regardless of their sexual experience. We have people who have read a lot of sex scenes, including professionally as it was part of the imprint they worked at. They’ll tell you that at every level, it is hard. It’s very personal and unique to the individual.

It’s probably better I have many of them come in here to tell you about writing sex scenes in general (especially since I tend not to write them though I can appreciate when they’re done well, partially thanks to my prior life of cleaning up porn), so I’ll see if they come, otherwise will try what I can.

Generally speaking, the steaminess of a scene is more valuable than the sex within it. Books can be steamy without any sex and that’s an important distinction. Similar to how horror is more about the build up and tension before the actual moment, so too are sex scenes. Worry less about describing particular organs and more about the rapid breath, the sudden exhalation, the tension in the air.

Anyways: every guy is different so their PoV will also always be different, as will their where their mind goes. For a lot of guys it’s just very much a focus on what makes them feel good, what appears to make the other party feel good, and maximizing both of those. Sometimes you can have cases where they think of things that they find pleasurable to amplify the situation (the typical thinking of other women, sexy things they’ve seen, etc). But it would depend on your character. Are they soft and caring? Are they oblivious and disinterested in woman’s bodies? Are they naive? Are they self-centered? All of these things will affect how they feel and act during sex.

As for the last one, yes, sort of, again this is very much dependent on both parties and a lot of conditions. It’s more about having a woman come in here though and describe the female orgasm. The shortest version is that most times, basically all times, a guy will not feel it due to some combination of not paying attention, it not being strong enough or the woman’s reaction not manifesting in a strong enough way or, most likely, there’s no penetration involved/related to a female orgasm, since that’s not super common and what’s more common is for other stimulation to be involved (or the guy to neglect this part of sex completely and assume if it was good for him it was good for her).

If you don’t feel great in this area though, don’t write it through. It’s totally fine to skip those scenes or fade to black, it’s not like everyone needs graphic sex scenes in their books. You’ll either have to do a lot of studying on sex (as everyone should do cause it’s healthy) or avoid it as someone who considers themselves clueless.


Thank you for the long and informative reply!

It’s much appreciated. :slight_smile:

I think the troublesome trio will be more than happy to help with this part.

@DarlaCassic @LailaLiliana @LittleMinx94


Reads thread. See’s question. Dies.

Finally a topic I can excel in!

Uh, it depends really. Women can have different types of orgasms. We’re fun like that :wink: But reaching those orgasms are often difficult for a lot of women and depend on lots of factors. (While men can climax stupidly easy and its honestly so annoying and yes, I’m super jealous lol) Some women can only orgasm through clitoral stimulation while others have no trouble reaching climax through actual sex.

Women can also have multiple orgasms- this is basically the only thing we have over men. :unamused:

An orgasm feels like… almost like the sensations are too much. Like everything feels too good and too overwhelming that you almost feel like you need to stop but don’t because you know the outcome is going to be fantastic. lol Some orgasms are small and just feel okay- almost like you got cheated from the real thing- while other orgasms are bigger, more powerful, and your legs might twitch during it and the build up to it I know mine do, and you’ll feel lightheaded afterwards.

And I know Nick said this:

But in my experience, if a woman is climaxing during sex (Not a clitoral orgasm) the man usually feels a clenching or tightening.

That’s to assume that they lasted long enough to get us there, which isn’t always the case. A lot of the times women have to finish themselves off because A) He didn’t last long enough to get her there. B) He doesn’t know how to get her there. C) She can’t orgasm through actual sex.

There’s lots of fun factors to climaxing as a woman. lol

Any other specific questions?





Nick worked in content I think

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How did I not know that? Lol


I guess it’s because Nick doesn’t really talk about himself.



Must… not… make… joke…

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Oh for sure. It’s his least favorite topic right next to Anime.


What ever kind of joke could you mean?

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I’m so glad the sarcasm went through!


Okay, sorry, I was helping a friend move out today (no one told me having friends would lead to this. I don’t like it and I’m disappointed)

Now, I’m here and ready for this! Let’s talk about sex, baby!

Okay, with you not being that comfortable or versed in the subject, I would definitely advise you to read, read, and read, good sex scenes. I can point you out to a few books that are definitely nailing it (put intended).
Then, I’d like to add that even people who have regular intercourse, are quite knowledgeable IRL when it comes to sex can also have a hard time writing about it. It’s quite complicated to transfer the proper emotions, words, acts, thoughts… Sex, most of the time, isn’t just a mechanical thing. It involves a lot of other parameters, that can be complicated to pinpoint and translate into words.

It would depend on the type of person the man is, but also on the nature of their relationship with their partner.

a man just wanting to get a quick, one-time thing will of course not have the same thoughts as a man in love with their partner, or a man who’s cheating on their wife, a man who’s experimenting new things (like spicy food).

If you can tell me more about what your scene would entice exactly, I might be able to help you more on that front.

Okay, so as Nick said, it depends on how involved in the woman’s pleasure the man really is. Technically, if paying enough attention, a man can feel a woman’s orgasm. But then, all women are different, and some are more subtle than others.

If you want your MC to notice, there are different ways to do that. Some women will quiver while finding extasy, some will get taunt, some will clench, scream, cry, claw the man’s back… Depending on how dedicated your MC is, and how much he’s paying attention, you can make those signs more or less subtle.

Now, to develop on a few things Nick explained, because for once, I may be better than him at something. WHO’S LAUGHING NOW!?

That would be because it can be very different for people. What you want, when you write about sex, is to stay in the mainstream aspects of it. You don’t want to put off most of your readers by throwing in a weird kink that doesn’t sit right by them. Among the mainstream things, you’ll have things like bondage, hair pulling, dirty talking, domination… Those are things a majority of people will find hot and adhere to. In the less appreciated tropes, you’ll have foot fetish, hardcore sadism, Erotic lactation… Just stick to the big lines, and you’ll be fine.

:arrow_up: Build :clap: it :clap: up :arrow_up:

Sex with emotions, anticipation, high chemistry, transcribe way better on books than mindless sex. It people just want the mechanics of it, they can go to their preferred porn site and watch a few videos there. When writing, you get the incredible chance to say everything that’s going in someone’s head, and it adds so much to the sexual act. You could barely have to describe physical things. Emotions, little details, a caress, a breath… will be as hot, if not more, than the sexual act itself.

I did melt a few readers to the ground, with just a kissing scene, no coitus involved, so work with everything that’s going on around as well as the deed itself.

I disagree with this. If a man manages to make a woman get off, which is sadly rarer than what we’d like, him not noticing is hardly the woman’s fault. While we don’t have a climax as easy to decipher as spurting out some baby juice (yeah, I cringed too), there is still a LOT happening to a woman when she is actually coming. It does involve a few conditions to notice it, but if a man doesn’t, most of the blame is on his side. Even if an orgasm is subtle, they have the clues to guess it, whether the orgasm is vaginal or clitoral.

Then you can also go for the classical “I’m coming!” and then boom, no more wondering.

Don’t listen to the Grinch right here. If you really want to write it, Lumi, just know that the trifecta is here for you :wink:


Waiting for Nick to come in and attempt to prove you wrong :joy:

Yes to this. The majority of readers aren’t turned on by anything more than Vanilla and a little bit of domination.

Get too kinky and the readers begin to dissect the scene rather than enjoy it.

Why’d you have to go there with it? lol So much cringing.

This brings up a good point of not trying to find creative ways or things to name sex organs. Stick to what have proven to work and please don’t even use the word engorged to describe a man Or flower to describe a woman :joy::see_no_evil:



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Exactly the scene I had in mind when I typed that :sweat_smile:

I just cringe so much whenever I see it because then I know ‘nectar’ is coming soon (ha. Sex pun) and I hate nectar more than I hate flower lol

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I heard someone refer to a guy’s dick as a tractor beam.

Where is the thread about funny words/phrases people use for genitalia? That was a fun one!

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This had to have been a parody sex scene, right? Lol

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Honestly I have no idea

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Every time I read the phrase her sensitive nub, I think of a stubby dog tail. :woman_facepalming:

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