Title : Hungry

Intended audience : New adult

Genre: supernatural

Length: No idea, maybe a sequel

Story opens with a desperate Ebonie Jenkins trying online dating for the very first time. Ebony has the social skills of a rock and enough insecurities to fill a boat and make it sink. On Tender or POF, or something, after dodging and weaving all of the comments asking her if she twerked or if was she was interested ‘white’ penises, she got a message from Hendrik (no last name).

Hendrik was charming (thru text) and handsome (in his picture), like otherworldly handsome. She should have known this was likely a catfish or something more nefarious, right then and there.

They spoke for three months, three long months before they met. Though she had been a virgin, Hendrik charmed the pants off her, but really, she was just happy he was who he said he was (not a catfish), and she was sick of being an old virgin.

After sex, he bit her, and Ebonie woke to two gorgeous women laughing at her, and little, tiny, sickly wings on her back. Apparently, those tiny wings, that were the exciting color of gray, meant something had gone terribly wrong.

She was supposed to be his seventh Vallie, his lucky number, his most powerful lover and fighter. Instead she came out with wings that resembled a dog with mange and the most plain of all of his others. How could she be powerful with little wings she couldn’t even use to fly?

Ebonie wasn’t strong, she didn’t have the powers the others had, and she was an outcast because of it. Abused and neglected, meant so much when a Vallie life force hinged on holding onto the affections of their ‘Almighty’. Hendrik wanted nothing to do with her, she was an embarrassment in their community. A gray winged Vallie.

Ebonie wasn’t strong and she didn’t have power, at first. Being neglected for a Vallie by their Almighty meant to wither away physically until nothing was left or to lose their minds little, by little until it broke and only useless pieces were left. Either way, a Vallie could not survive without the affections of their Almighty, but Ebonie did. Her body did fail, and her mind did break, but she survived and what was left was Hungry.

Ebonie, with her broken mind, ripped off her tiny wings with hatred for her ‘Almighty’, but new ones sprouted in their place. Bigger this time, the color of her skin, a deep ebony. She got powers, powers she was never meant to have, powers that rivaled the might of the ‘Almighties’.

With those powers, Ebony took her revenge and she didn’t care that she lost herself amidst it all. She enslaved her Almighty and ruled over her sister ‘Vallies’.

It’s tough for me to evaluate the story as a whole because the plot seems to keep resetting every few paragraphs to be about something different. The opening set up implies the story is going to be about a woman filled with insecurities trying to get past them via dating, but then it switches into being a case of her being seduced by a paranormal being who turns her into a paranormal being.

This doesn’t necessarily reflect on her personal issues or the ones set up though because she now has new, specific issues around her new paranormal form and has to resolve those (a reset). Then the story shifts to being the story of an underpowered outcast among paranormal creatures, which is again sort of a reset (you could reasonably just start the story there and it would make sense), and the ending doesn’t really seem to pay off any of the things at the beginning. Did she do something to achieve what she wanted? It just seems to happen to her, she goes from having no power to just being the most powerful, somehow, because she had the least power.

Without a throughline around the character’s growth, it’s hard for me to connect with who they are or what’s happening, and even harder for me to understand the ending if it has no relation to the beginning.

1 Like

Yeah, probably should work on my summary making skills. I’v always been pretty bad at them, I think its the giving every twist and turn part that throws me off.

Thank you.