I Need Relationship Advice! Please help!

So, I know I may receive some hate for this, but I really need advice as I don’t have anyone to talk to about this. I’m in a three way relationship and I don’t know if I should leave my feelings for him in the past and continue to be friends or should I wait? At the same time, ever since we found out the we liked each other, the whole situation felt wrong? I will elaborate more on this, but please, someone help me and give me advice.

This all started in middle school a while back and I’m now in high school. In middle school, I was in another three way relationship. A past guy that I had a crush on for a few months, but thought it was “love” and the current guy. He told me to chose between them. One, the past guy doesn’t care. Two, if I choose the current guy, I would be in another three way relationship, so it doesn’t help. Guess, what? I’m in another three way relationship. What should I do?

I’m low key confused…

So basically, you like two guys? & you don’t know who you should pursue continue to like? The past guy/crush, who doesn’t care, or the new guy?
Do either of them like you or know you like them?

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Girl. Choose the current guy. Because if you have fallen for another person rather than the first crush. Did you really love him? Because if you would’ve you wouldn’t fall for the current guy

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@GreekMyth @Anniewillams22 Here’s the story

There is a guy that I knew since elementary and I started to like in fifth grade. I’m in high school now. Let’s call him J. We’ve always been close. Seventh grade, he was joking around with some friends and asked me out, but I didn’t take him serious because J and our friends were not serious and they were laughing about the dumbest thing ever. I turned him down, because one I wasn’t allowed to date and two, I didn’t know if he actually liked me. (I thought this because no one ever liked me before.) Not too long after, he got a girlfriend so I though “Oh,he must not have actually liked me.”

Going to eighth grade, we were still friends and goofed around. I think I forgot what happened then. I started to have a crush on this boy who moved from another town. I just so happened to be in the office when I met him and his father. Let’s call him M. I liked him for about 5 months. An average amount of time to have a crush on someone. Thing is, that crush was so unhealthy. I don’t like him now, and I may see him at the high school, but I don’t pay attention to him. In the end, he played with me and I gave up on him. We were suppose to “try to be friends,” but that didn’t turn out, but I honestly don’t care. J comforted me and he told me it doesn’t matter if M doesn’t think I’m pretty or nice, because he does and that’s where we confessed our feelings, but I thought it was weird for him to be so open and tell me he likes me when he is in a relationship. I even met his girlfriend a couple times in seventh.

Anyways, we still hung out and we were still friends. He was actually one of my best friends. We grew closer, and he may have tried to be sweet and flirty, but I was uncomfortable with it since he was in a relationship so I had to remind him. My friend and I were planning to prank him. I didn’t have my phone, but she did. We went and texted that I loved him and all that, and he even said I love you back which is a big shocker. He shouldn’t have said that since he is in a relationship. Anyways, a while later in high school, we have no classes together, so we barely see each other. I started losing faith and I even thought about it after confessing my love to him. I wrote him a letter too. Yet, he was still in the same relationship and J said that if anything ever happens with his relationship with his girlfriend, he’ll date me. Red flag there. A guy shouldn’t say that. That’s not being loyal to your girlfriend. Two, thinking about it alone, I’m basically just his side chick or back up relationship. I guess his second choice. Which is what happened with M.

Anyways, knowing this, and all that happened, I don’t know what to do. I tried clearing things up, but I will feel guilty saying certain things because he spent money on me, and I’d feel bad about that. I don’t know. Should I wait, but continue being confused and affecting my health or should I move on, but keep our friendship?

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Sorry, I didn’t realize I wrote a lot. I have a lot bottled in.

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Someone told me that once and I have to say I agree with you. Run. In the other direction. If you like me and are telling me while dating your girlfriend I am going to question your loyalty and your character. (Obviously, by “you” I mean the guy, not you person who wrote this post)

I know you can’t control your emotions, but I would take care with my actions, if I were you. Make it clear in what you do that you are not waiting around being a back-up-plan for “if it doesn’t ever work out.” Do things that friends do and don’t do things that girlfriends do. Respect yourself and his girlfriend (and his choices) and draw the line. If you aren’t able to do that, you may need to think about stepping back from the friendship a little bit to give yourself time to get over this before moving forward.

I hope you figure it out and are able to move forward and do what is best for you.

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Thank you so much for this advice. It was only one message, but it sent relief through me. I never had anyone to talk to about this, so I’m grateful.

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You’re most welcome. Sometimes it is harder to see the solution to problems while you are in them. Once you live through them and have some time to process it becomes a little more obvious what you did right and what you could do better next time. Live and learn, as they say.

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I probably wouldn’t have even thought of this as a problem if it wasn’t for what happened years ago. That might just have shed some light on the situation and opened my eyes.

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So you learned - that’s all a person can do. When you know better, you try to do better. It shows growth and resilience and it is difficult but it is important. Learning to create and maintain boundaries is a huge part of any interpersonal relationship so it’s a skill worth having, even outside the romantic realm.

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Yeah, we were playing a game and we were role playing (yes that sounds cheesy, but it was worth a try). He mentioned something inappropriate that he shouldn’t have and I needed to tell him that it was going too far. He should know when he’s crossing the boundaries that I obviously make clear. He says he knows, yet he crosses them. Anyways, thank you so much for the advice.

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I completely agree with what @solorzanowriter said. If someone confesses their love to you while in a relationship, they are 100% not a good choice for a partner.

That is not okay. At this point, you should start questioning his friendship as well. I understand you guys are young and may not know much about love and relationships yet but downright ignoring someone’s boundaries is a red flag.

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Yeah, I have no experience. With the short 16 years of being alive, I never been in a relationship and that’s good with me. I’m trying to focus on school, and I don’t need a problematic teenage boy getting in my way. Also, thank you for the advice.

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You’re welcome! You made a good choice. And don’t worry, you’re still young and you’ll find the right person for you with time.

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I agree with what the other people said ^
He definitely raised some red flags.

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My only advice.

90% of the time when you waver between two choices you kinda already have a preference. You’re just afraid of the negative consequences of this action.

Take a moment and think about your first reaction was when you were presented with the choice. Chances are it was the choice you wanted to pick. The rest is fear.

-shrugs- or maybe not. Maybe you can’t really pick. If so then ignore me. emphasized text

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Dump them both and go on a vacation. Get some valuable “me” time. Try to find happiness within yourself and not wait for it to be delivered by others.

You don’t have to “choose” anyone. If it’s giving you that much stress then you need to take a step back and breathe. If being with either one of them is going to make you feel bad because you aren’t with the other, or because you’ll be in another three way relationship, then maybe you shouldn’t be with any of them.

Relationships aren’t supposed to feel like obligations.

Thanks, but it’s not between to people. It’s whether or not I should give up on this guy as he raised some red flags.

It’s not with me choosing between two people. it’s whether or not I should give up on this guy who is my best friend as he raised some red flags. As I received advice from others, I know what I’m going to do.