Is having high expectations in a relationship bad

question
discussion

#1

It is said that when you don’t have high expectation your lover will tend to throw anything at you. But if you have expectations you’re at a higher risk of disappointment.


#2

That is true… Kinda. You dont want to expect that you wont argue, they will do everything for you, they cant do any wrong… Things like that are unlikely expectations. We are humans and sadly we dont always live up to expectations.

I do believe that you need standards though. Set goals for yourself. Like you want somebody with a good job, financially stable, no kids… Things like that. That’s different from expecting them to fix themself just because you want them to.

You learn to love the unexpected in relationships. Just know what you want while looking and the right person will come. I hope this helped. Not sure if I really answered the question.


#3

It’s certainly accurate to an extent.

If you have high expectations and show it, you’re hard to please.

If you show little to no expectations, they’ll meet it… sadly.

Gotta be somewhere in the middle.

Realistic, moderate expectations.


#4

Here are my thoughts on expectations, given through examples.

Partner smokes before wedding. He knows you hate it, so he says he’s thinking of giving it up.

High Expectation: believing he will

Reasonable expectation: he’ll try

Another is the promise that he’ll never hurt you

High expectation: he’ll never say anything that hurts me

Reasonable: he’ll try his best not to, but he isn’t perfect.

High expectations lead to disappointment, but reasonable expectations allows us to accept things when they don’t work out very well.


#5

I think the answer depends on the relationship. If you are in a relationship that you know is toxic then I think it would be foolish for you to expect something fruitful to come from it. The next question I would ask would be if you know this then why are you still in that relationship?

However if you went into relationship believing you had something. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with having high expectations for it. Life is too short (especially if a woman that wants a family) to settle for what you think is less. I think with high expectations you are at risk of disappointment but I think you draw more of that risk to yourself if you don’t state clearly what you wanted in the beginning. You waste your time and the time of your partner by leaving things to flounder.


#6

It depends what category your expectations fall in. I had a friend who had a TON of expectations that are generally out of the person’s control. She’s say “I’m only dating a guy who’s above 6 feet tall, makes a good salary, and wants to have kids”. Those aren’t really things some one necessarily has control over, so it seems weird to expect that of a person you are dating.

However, if your expectations are something that a person can change. Like “I want to date someone who respects me, who likes to keep a clean house, and is a good conversationalist”, those are attributes that someone can improve upon or change over time.

I think there’s a balance between asking for a respectful, kind relationship, but not asking someone to be anything other than themselves.


#7

It’s all according to what you want. If you want someone who will love you for the rest of your life and never leave you no matter how hard life gets then yes, you need high standards. If you are willing to settle for less then the best then no you don’t need any standard.

If you settle for less then the best then that’s exactly what you’ll get.