Is your story interesting? [Based on title + summary]

writing

#1

The original thread was by @JuliaUnpublished, But as that reached 100 pages, it was closed. And then there was the coming change to these threads, so I made a new thread here!

This is a simple game.

  1. Comment on the title + summary above yours, rating it from 1 to 10.

  2. If possible, tell the author above how they could make it better.

  3. Comment your title + summary.

  4. Wait for the next comment.

  5. Please do not comment your cover.

Rules:

  1. Follow all community Guidelines,

  2. If someone did not rate the summary above, rate the summary they missed.

  3. No killing anyone

  4. Please respect others ideas about your summary.

WARNING: Don’t be rude in any case. Be honest, but don’t offend, humiliate or fight in this thread.


#2

I guess I’ll start;

9/10 Loving it, gave me a good on idea what I should do.


Title: Anna-Marie With Her Shotgun
Genre: Splattertopia (Splatterpunk and Dystopia)
Tropes: Magical realism and historical elements in an every day context.

Summary: Hemato’s family expected her to keep having the kinks she always had, so her father took on a job for a family known as the French Guillotine Guns.

When a girl her three years Hemato’s junior dies on the national razor, the mistaken necrophiliac regretted all her desires from the past. She entombed herself with her lost love, and is reincarnated into the future. An electronic afterlife.

The US has been completely taken over by the French. Here, in this electronic afterlife, she meets the same girl also reincarnated from the early 21st century, who is hesitant to talk about her past. Anna-Marie feared that she may not be accepted for her misdeeds, but is elusive to exactly what they were.

Personal Notes: I already suspect it might be a little wordy.


#3

6/10 - it is a little wordy :wink:
But it’s also just totally lost on me. This is not my genre at all.

It also feels a little insider-ish? Like the mention of “national razor” left me confused. I don’t know if it’s a language barrier or if it’s a reference I’m just not getting.

I’d like to know more about the French Guillotine Guns? Who are they? What do they do? Why did he take a job there instead of somewhere else? What relevance does it have to the plot?

The way this sentences is phrased

makes me unsure of who the mistaken necrophiliac is. Hemato or the girl who died? Names would be useful here as you have two people with the same pronoun. And how is she a mistaken necrophiliac? That’s a pretty big bomb to just gloss over like that, you know?

You have a lot of very powerful points and words, but the way it’s written right now, just confuses me. I don’t know who Anne-Marie is. She hasn’t been introduced (unless she was the girl who died?)

You do explain the setting very well though and it definitely feels dystopian with some Sci-fi flare over it.

Hope this helps :slight_smile:


Feral

Inmate C41 is the youngest registered feral; someone unable to control his animal urges and aggressions. Imprisoned for as long as he can remember, he has only known life inside the colourless walls of the Feral Youth Rehabilitation Center in Ireland.

Upon turning eighteen, C41 is transferred to the Adult Feral Rehabilitation Center in Scotland and finds the place to be nothing like the Irish one. The biggest change is the supervisor he is assigned during transfer. Birdie, a mysterious American agent, endlessly probes him with questions. But C41 does the only thing he thinks will help him survive - he lies.

Secrets soon follow the lies, and as the deceptions mount, the walls that C41 built around himself begin to crack. He wonders if he was ever feral to begin with and if the reason he went to prison happened as he was told. With his entire world threatening to implode upon him as he tries to uncover the truth, the one thing C41 knows for sure is:

He needs to get the fuck out of prison.


#4

Thanks fixed.


#5

8/10

Liking the title and the world, summary is short and punchy with a pretty cool closing line. Already interested in the whole society and how they got there, and I completely agree with C41, make like a black guy and Get Out.

Title of mine is: No Faith In Dogs

Summary:A teenager is whisked away by a figure from his past with one objective; they have to kill a god. Join Rian along with the world’s last and worst hope as they race against time to stop the moon, inhabited by an ancient eldritch evil known only as ‘Seth’, from crashing into the planet and being reborn ushering in the end of the world. Watch as they ask themselves how far is too far? and see them attempt to retain their sanity in the world of black miracles.

little play on words (I think??) in the title because throughout the journey the group encounters divine beings but they’re the opposite of what they expected them to be, Gods=Dogs

I’m more proud of that than I should be.


#6

Hey there,

In an effort to free the club for discussions that improve writing, rate and game thread participants are now being directed to the Character and Story Games Club. I’ve gone ahead and moved your thread for you.

Thank you for your understanding

Katherine :katherinearlene:


#7

6/10 I really like the title but your blurb needs a little work as it is currently a tad confusing. The way it is currently laid out feels makes it hard to follow if you are using “they” plural or singular. If it is the latter, which I think it is, then you need to better define the “figure from his past”.

Also, I think that you should omit the line about the moon crashing into the earth as without any world building this just sounds comical and therefore lowers the stakes. Reword it so that we get more of a feeling of danger and leave the specifics of what the danger is for the book.

Redfern
His ex-girlfriend has moved on to bigger things, like taking control of Europe. His siblings are at the far-flung corners of the earth, utilising their incredible powers. And Arran Redfern is stuck in Lancashire.

He’s getting nowhere with his own powers, he’s got no plans for the future and whenever his mother happens to be in the country she won’t stop saying that she’s worried about him. Is it any wonder that Arran spent the summer drinking, fighting and sleeping around?

But summer is over and it’s time to get back to reality. The paranormal world’s uneasy peace is wearing thin, power systems are shifting and Arran has to go back to school.


#8

Totally agree now that I’ve read it over again, thanks. Might be a little confusing without the context. D:

Also I can NEVER not like a story about a screw-up with superpowers, the vagueness about what the powers actually are and how the world itself operates, especially with the inclusion of some sort of “school of the gifted” and a possibly impending paranormal war is pretty interesting. I like it, good luck Arran, sorry about the ex.


#9

Arran, his complete and utter inadequacy, and I thank you!


#10

.Novalithia: Trail of the Blue Flame

Summary: Thwarted of his hopes and ambition, young Lodric Siegard must journey across the ends of the Greatlands- to the fabled Pillar of Power, which is said to hold the secret to limitless strength. His travels will grant him a fleeting glimpse of love, faith and loyalty, and the world he must leave behind, for the Pillar is as deadly as it is divine.


#11

Hey, you seemed to have skipped the whole first step of this game and that’s a bit sad :sob:

You have to rate the last title and summary before posting your own :kissing_heart:


#12

I’m very much aware of that. I thought someone else had already commented and rated on your blurb, so I thought it best to move ahead. Anyway I’d rate you 7 outta 10. It has a nice, percy jackson vibe to it, without resembling it and concept of the world is quite unique.


#13

8/10
Exactly what I like to read! Now to the “but”: I don’t see his reason. Maybe a little hint on who thwarted him and why this incident is so terrible, that he journeys to this divinely dangerous object. And: Pillar of Power sounds dunno… off to me.

The Ashen Queen

They say the Curse of Mirrors is a gift, bestowed upon the people of Aquilia by the Ashen Queen.
Now, the Imperial Princess, Astrea, has fallen victim to the curse. Her mother, the Priest-Empress sends her first Paladin to the Castle of Thorns, with only one task: To annihilate the Ashen Queen and break the curse, once and for all.
With him rides a small band of allies from the four kingdoms. Are they able to achieve what no army could accomplish before? But the closer the small party ventures to the Ashen Queen’s castle, the more the line between Black and White vanishes.

While her saviours are on their way, the cursed princess finds herself trapped in a nightmarish world of shades and mirrors. Guided by a jester, and a maiden, Astrea travels this place, and piece by piece she unveils the truth about the Ashen Queen as well as the roots of the Curse of Mirrors. What the princess reveals could shake the Empire’s very foundation, if she ever can escape.


#14

I find this very well written. It reminds me of a narration at the beginning of a sci fi or fantasy movie. It doesn’t give too much away and is the perfect length.

7/10 for the title (I think it could be better, but certainly isn’t a turnoff. 9/10 for the blurb (I would like to get a better feel for the character)


#15

Life, Love And A Little Coffee

With only a month left of high school, barista and student Ada Sinclair prepares herself for the next chapter of her life; her dream college and a fresh start that doesn’t put labels on everything she is. No longer the former fat friend of the popular girl and no longer the beloved oddball of her eccentric family. The time after high school is where you find yourself and a time Ada cannot wait to start. But Ada’s ordinary life is shaken to the core when her mother returns home with a diagnosis - one that will change their lives forever. As she tries to hold it together for those around her, she seeks comfort from the man who has guided/mentored her throughout the last four years - Mr. Bennet.

Tom Bennet has watched Ada grow from a timid, self loathing freshman to a confident, beautiful young woman who is about to leave their small town behind and create an incredible future for herself. But when Ada comes to him with a struggle she cannot face alone, he puts his career on the line for the friendship Ada desperately needs. As the two grow closer, lines are crossed and boundaries are broken. He opens her eyes and shows her there’s more to life than perfect grades. It’s about good coffee, true friendships and life changing experiences.

Life isn’t about following all the rules, it’s about making your own as you go along. Learn to accept help, love as much as you can for as long as you can, maintain sanity and keep caffeinated.


#16

It’s a very interesting description. The title has me a little confused because it doesn’t seem like the description, however, I’m sure it makes sense once you read it of course. Overall, I’d give it an 8/10.

Title: Beliamarvati
Description:
'Harvey Lilith Wyatt was only eight years old when she began her fate. The destiny before her had already been written out by a scholar thousands of years ago. The soul that this child held was more powerful than the world had seen before. But, there’s only one problem…
She’s in a coma, and no one believes that she’s going to wake up.
O
“Where are you taking me?!” I squealed out my dry lips, licking them as they craved a liquid to pure them once more. My feet on their heels as I dug into the wood- a grunt or two escaping my lips as I felt splinters yet that didn’t stop me as I attempted to break free of his anger grasp. His body thumping down the large circular styled staircase.

Widening my eyes as I realized where he was taking me. Causing my trembling lips to move.

“D-Dracula! N-No! No-Not there! Please-- I won’t do it again! P-Please!” I begged him, my feet now bleeding at the amount of digging I did against the wooden floor. Redness becoming the regular colour of my once bright pale skin. My now short shoulder length hair flowing behind me as we sped down into the basement.

Cages."’


#17

6/10: I feel like the description is a little all over the place, personally, it feels more like maybe an introductory chapter than a description once you go past “she’s in a coma”. This part:

is more the style I prefer for a description and I feel like it does a great job setting up the story, so maybe you don’t even need the rest? That’s just my personal opinion though!

I like the title, it sounds either Italian or very fantasy-esque, which it sounds like you’re going for, so good job!


#18

Title: Bean Me Up, Scotty :coffee:

Description:

"Would you like some coffee with your sugar?"

"Sounds like something someone with a pH of 2 would say."

"Diabetic."

"Acidic base."

"That'll be $3.20."

***

Some people think your coffee order says a lot about you.

Andie Bishop takes her coffee with three pumps of syrup, a double shot of espresso and just enough milk to not burn her tongue: sweet, but strong.
Scott Tyler takes it black: no frills, no fuss. Straight-forward. A little bitter.

Looking at it like that, it makes a lot of sense. But Scott could use a little more sweetness in his life, and it wouldn’t hurt Andie to do things the easy way sometimes.

Opposites attract alright, but sometimes the clash is too much. Can the bitter barista and the over-the-top undergrad make it work? Or are some things just… not meant to bean?

Puns, coffee, puns about coffee and belligerent sexual tension - what more could you want?

Caution: contents may be hot.


#19

8/10 - I love this! It sounds funny and sweet, and even though I don’t tend to go for a rom-com, I would probably at the very least pick this book up from the library.

These are just two examples of how I love your style of writing - it flows like conversation and is really easy and engaging to read. It’s clearly carefully worded, but isn’t trying too hard (which is always obvious!)

Could you follow this with another line about specific conflicts in the novel? Of course the whole plot shouldn’t be given away in the summary, but I’d like to know more about the lives of these characters before I commit to reading!

I’m not sure these parts are necessary. They don’t contribute much to the effectiveness of the summary, and you already made the coffee puns abundantly clear with the rest of the summary and the title (which I love, by the way!) If it was me, I’d take these out, but obviously that’s a personal preference! Nonetheless they’re as enjoyably written as the stuff I’d consider necessary.

This is a BRILLIANT closing line. All in all, I really like this summary and have nothing bad to say about the writing itself - just my thoughts on what content should be included/excluded!


#20

Inheritance
literary / horror / supernatural / coming of age

Robin McFarlane has grown up in the shadow cast by his father, renowned horror novelist Anthony McFarlane. Famous for his brutal retellings of real-life paranormal cases, Anthony has made a name for himself and a fortune for his family in the process. At nineteen, Robin has no more purpose than to coast on his father’s money for as long as he can.

When Robin’s best friend, Danny Highsmith, begins to exhibit symptoms of demonic possession, Robin finally has the opportunity for heroism and success. Armed with Anthony’s experience and a few trusted friends, Robin and Danny travel across Europe and the US to search for a solution to Danny’s torment. Vatican exorcisms, radical faith healing, ancient voodoo rituals – something has to work.

But everyone has their secrets and vices, and the demon strengthens its grip by the day. As divisions weaken the pair, Danny’s sense of self and morality begins to deteriorate and Robin spirals into stress-born debauchery. The days are getting darker. Is there a hero of this story?