Is your story interesting? [Based on title + summary]

writing

#21

Ahhh thank you so so much!! So glad to hear you liked it haha I hate writing summaries and have re-written this one too many times. The closing line is also very new, so it’s great to hear feedback that people like it!

Again, thank you for the feedback! Especially glad to hear from someone who wouldn’t normally pick up a rom-com :smile:

:coffee:


#22

6~7/10
It’s a bit a lot you have given us. Many that the blurb can go without. I know more than I need to know for you to get my attention. The blurb looks like the actual plot summary, the story sounds interesting but not to the point I would want to continue reading.

You can summarize some parts, as it does go on about one topic more than the others. One part I think you should work on summarizing is the second paragraph you can say it with lesser details. There need to be a balance if we knew too much then it isn’t interesting but if we knew just enough it can help capture our attention to know more :blush:

I am sure you can figure out a way to convey what you want with lesser words. It will help capture our attention more.

Ahm so to the parts I liked.

Make sure just to tell us what we need and we don’t need to know details those are the things we should be curious about :blush: we want to be curious about where they traveled and what they tried but you giving them to us doesn’t make it interesting. Just be careful with what you spill to us without us reading.
^-^


#23

Title: Just a Character

description

NB, that’s my name. Why you may ask, am I writing a story about myself?

I am stuck in confusion. I no longer know where I am. Am I in the real world, or am I stuck in memories of my own creation? I didn’t know when the story began, but I have reached a point of no return.

I have been calling memories dreams. Some more familiar, but others seemed out of this world, so I kept them behind the name of dreams.

I am trapped. I wish once, just once that I would live without these vague memories. I see my nightmares and dreams mix together into reality. I can’t run away from them if I do they just come back so much harsher.

I had many questions that would build a list but now all I want to know is: Who is Nada?

You can either believe me or forget about me. After all, I am just a character. Just a character you are reading about…This is a story of one soul broken into fifty.


#24

If I read the title only, it sounds interesting. The first thing I’d think of is someone writing a book and s/he is too engaged with the characters that it ruins his/her life or that a character comes to life.

I recommend you change I didn’t into I don’t know where the story began…
Also, I think you need to change the period after character into a comma in the sentence (After all, I’m just a character, just a character you’re reading about.)

Ok, I really like the idea, but the way you present the description only leaves me confused. I can’t tell what is going on exactly. Is she imagining those dreams/memories or what? What does she mean by a point of no return? Also, what does she mean by out of this world? So in real life she knows they’re memories, but in the story she’s writing, she makes them dreams? What’s so bothering about those memories? So she does have nightmares, but are they of those memories? How do they mix into reality?

I know you’re trying to grab readers’ attention and that is understandable, but the better way to do that is to make things clear, but not tell everything. Explain that Nada is writing her life story for example and that she was having bad memories that were haunting her as dreams. Mention that she thought writing it would help, but instead her nightmares are increasing and it’s affecting her daily life. Also say that her life became hell and now all she wants to understand is who is Nada then end it with that last sentence. In this way, the reader understands what’s going on and what’s to know what are those dreams/memories and how they affect her life and how the book she’s writing relates to all of that. I’m just giving an example of what I understood your story is about. If I’ve misunderstood, you can use the example to help anyway. Good luck with your writing :blush:


#25

Sorry, I forgot to rate it: 6/10


#26

Summer in Cairo

Imagine being somewhere you know so well. Suddenly, the lights are turned off and you don’t recognize where you are. That’s how going back to Cairo for vacation felt for Nour. The thirteen year old has been dreaming for over two years of the moment she goes back home. Thing is, home didn’t feel like home anymore. It’s true that the building she used to live in was still the same, but its inhabitants were far from being the same. Her best friends were acting in ways she couldn’t understand. Out of nowhere, she found herself thrusted in the middle of a jumble of endless problems. With every time she tried to help, things only kept getting out of hand. In the middle of all the chaos, a rhythm she didn’t understand was starting to play within her heart. If only it remained within her heart, maybe she would’ve gotten herself into less trouble. Apparently, summer in Cairo was going to be more adventurous than she ever expected.


#27

8/10: As someone who no longer lives in the city where they grew up, I think you do a nice job of describing how disorienting it can feel to return to a place that was once home. I also think both your title and blurb do a nice job of introducing what will happen in your story without giving too much away. It makes me curious to read more.

My feedback is that you should rewrite this in the present tense. The past tense makes it sound so been-there-done-that. The present tense will make it feel more alive, more like a story that is unfolding within the (digital) pages. For example: “home doesn’t feel like home anymore.” Also this sentence has some syntactical errors: “With every time she tried to help, things only kept getting out of hand.” I would change it to: “Every time she tries to help, things only get more out of hand.”


#28

Title: The Journey

Blurb: Set in 12th century Europe and inspired by a true story.

Hildegund is always getting in trouble for acting too masculine. If it was up to her she would have been born a boy, but that’s not how the world works. Or, at least that’s what she has always believed. Then, Hildegund gets the opportunity to dress as a young man during a pilgrimage east. Along the way she will face challenges, heartbreak, and will finally be able to ask the question: How can wearing male clothes be a disguise when it feels so authentic?

This is the story of a journey across continents and across genders.

——
Please tear my summary apart! I wrote it very quickly, but am having trouble revising it. Should I be more specific about the challenges that the protagonist will face along the way (or really, to be honest, the way back)? I don’t want to include spoilers, but maybe I shouldn’t be so vague.
Thanks!


#29

7/10. The blurb sounds good, and I like the idea of the protagonist not knowing their gender.


Title: Trial of Rust

Summary: Paradise exists, though it’s not easy to get to. To make sure only the pure get in, there are a series of Trials that test those that seek it. No one knows what these Trials are, or what they entail, but no one has ever returned from their search.

Archie Halfacre wants a life free from prejudice of who he is and the struggle of being in a society that doesn’t accept him. He heads for Paradise with his best friend, Moses Easom, ready for whatever the Trials throw at him. But with a lifetime of hate and the fact that he was not, in fact, prepared, will he be able to pass the First Trial, and be on his way to Paradise?


#30

10/10 this sounds very interesting. You got me at “Trials of Rust” it describes what the book is about, but is short enough that it doesn’t give away the entire book. The summary itself is very well written, tells you a bit about the characters that readers are going to be following and at the same time gives a good literal summary. The only thing I would suggest is that both uses of the word paradise are almost too close together. So the last question “Will he be able to pass the first trial and be on his way to paradise?” is something the reader already knows due to “He heads for paradise…”. Other than that, I thought this was very good!

Title: Aneurin

Summary: Never trust a fae. Never give them your name. Never fall for their tricks. Three simple rules that Enid should have followed. Three simple rules that she forgot.

A remote Welsh mountain village surrounded by deep forest is under the control of the Fae and plagued with fear. Unlike Fairies, Fae are dark creatures that lure young children away into the forest, never to be seen again. When the people of Aethelney begin to cut down the forest and hunt the animals within it, the Fae take it into their own hands to prevent it.

The children of Aethelney are taught one thing; never give a Fae your name. For a name holds more power than one could possibly ever imagine. The Fae folk sing lullabies into cows ears, play with fawns amongst the bracken and dance among mushroom and toadstool rings.

At the age of just four years old, Enid first encounters a Fae; Aneurin. Enid was warned to never go near the Fae ring, but when she does she cannot be held accountable for what follows.


#31

7/10 I normally do not read those story, I love reading fantasy that has hint of romance in a blurb. Your story sounds interesting.

Lady of the Ravendale

After living five years in futuristic world Etria, Annbelle has to return back home that filled with magic in Ravendale, because her mother died from sickness and now she have to become head of the household.

But little did she know that her parents managed arrange marriage before their death.

Ravendale has diffrent kind of rules, so follow Annabelle's journey where she uncover secrets of Ravendale and her true origin.


#32

The grammar is off throughout your blurb. It also borders on too vague and not vague enough. There’s just one sentence that’s making it hover there for me: “Ravendale has different kinds of rules.”

If you remove that line it will catch interest without making the person feel the summary should contain more. If you leave it in, you may want to add an few examples of these rules.

I proofed and did a basic edit on the grammar. I hope you don’t find it rude, rudeness isn’t my intent. I also cut the line about rules, that way you can see how it reads differently.

After living for five years in the futuristic world of Etria, Annbelle has to return back to a home that was filled with magic in Ravendale. Her mother died from sickness; now she will have to become head of the household.

Little does she know that her parents managed to arrange a marriage before their death.

Follow Annabelle’s journey as she uncover secrets of Ravendale and her true origin.

Almost forgot the rating…oops.
8/10
Once the grammar is taken care of, it has huge potential with just the one line adjusted for. Great job!


Title: Dive Bar Oracle
Genre: Undetermined [considering: Spiritual, General Fiction, Sci Fi]

Summary
Some might call the glimpses of things to come a gift, others would call it a curse.

All Mack knows is its a burden, one he carries for a sin he has no clear memory of.

Fashes of indistinct images that filter through his drink. Puzzle pieces that reveal themselves sip by sip. With what he knows he can intervene in tragedies…if he’s sober enough.

This burden is his penance. What will be the final atonement for Mack, The Dive Bar Oracle?


#33

Thank you!


#34

You’re welcome!


#35

English is my third language, so there will be issues with grammar. Writing stories is not only my passion, but its helps me improve my writing. Lady of the Ravendale is my third book, but if you compare it to my first book, you will see huge improvement. I also write on platform that checks vocabulary mistakes and then I use grammar checker to help correct my minor grammar mistakes.


#36

English is tricky because of all the exceptions to rules and borrowed words. Not to mention regional differences.

Computer programs are only so accurate for spelling and grammar. It might be helpful to try looking for a proofreader. Online they get called Beta Readers. They have a board here to help author’s find one.

https://www.wattpadwriters.com/c/story-services/beta-readers-needed


#37

9/10

I think you meant to say “flashes” instead of “fashes”.
I love the question that the blurb ends on. It creates a sense of mystery and makes me want to read more of it
It’s short and concise and tells you everything.


#38

If any one could think to a good ending for tthis it would be greatly appreciated.
Title: No one
No matter where you go in space and time if you look hard enough you will find stories. Stories about a girl. A girl with no family, no home and nothing to call her own. A girl cursed to spend her days wandering among the stars trying to fix what is broken, heal what is sick and revive what is dying. A girl destined to be alone forever. Destined never to be taken seriously. Destined to one day permanently fall from the heavens, never to rise again. And when she falls for that final time the universe will fall with her.

And for hundred of years that is the way it stays, just her, alone, travelling among the stars. Travelling for so long that she begins to forget who she is. Until one day it all changes. A chance encounter, a boy named Chris Santes and a pair of dark green shoes.


#39

Yes, yes I did.

And thanks. :slight_smile:


#40

9/10 Your story sounds depressing but had me interested in who this girl was and why she’s alone. And what is the length of time in this story?

Title: Remember Savannah

Have you ever lost a loved one?
Savannah was a loving sister and wife who tragically lost her life in a car accident. How will sister Margo and husband Steve be able to cope with her death? Is there life without Savannah?
Join Margo and Steve as they live their lives and remember life growing up with Savannah.