The title is quite long, but it sounds original.
You have mistakes in the direct speech. If you have an identification of speaker than that sentence has a lower letter. Also, it’s not recommended to use double !! or ? or their combination. If your numbers are simple, write them down instead of using digits, but I’m not sure if age is an exception. It’s also not recommended to start your sentences with “And” or “But”, in the latter case you can use However". The last sentence also doesn’t sound like a question so the ? seems misplaced.
Title: The Crossing Destinies (Open Sonic the Hedgehog FF)
Blurb (a new one I haven’t uploaded yet, I wish to get some opinion first ;-))
One night changes all…
Priest Shadow loves his peaceful hometown, but as of late it’s disturbed by an increasing number of possessed people. It’s worrying him, so he investigates the cause. During is annual night patrol, he finds mischievous boy Sonic outside way past the bedtime. Like that isn’t enough, the priest senses the source of the great darkness.
Shadow has no choice but to send Sonic to his church on his own while he heads deeper into an abandoned part of the town. Finding a fresh corpse confirms him something big is in his town, and he isn’t going to stay idle. A few streets later he sees a demon named Eclipse feasting on another unfortunate soul.
The fight is inevitable, and nobody knows how it ends, especially if a certain boy makes a bigger mess of it.
However, dealing with a demon may be Shadow’s least worry, as a terrible secret locked in his body resurfaces, turning his life upside down.