Is your story interesting? [Based on title + summary]

writing

#61

Opps ,sorry
I’d give it an 8/10 seems very intersting


#62

That’s okay :slight_smile: You added it now so no worries :wink:


#63

8/10!
Seems like a super interesting plot, although there are just a few grammatical errors :slight_smile:


#64

Title: Dodged Bullet

Katherine Chen was kept in the dark for seventeen years about her true identity. When a certain someone steps into her life, it was as if she had found herself. But was she ready to face her story?


#65

The title is interesting, but the blurb is maybe too short. That “certain someone” sounds too vague and kind of weird. I would expand this blurb to show more about the conflict or obstacles she may face.

Rating: 6/10


Book: Silver Darkness
Genre: Open Sonic the Hedgehog FF (no fandom knowledge needed)

Silver the Hedgehog wishes for nothing more than to be a normal hedgehog. But no, he has to be psychic and time-traveler to the boot. Because of his unique abilities, he is sent to close wacky time & space ripping portals, preventing any casualties and overlapping of dimensions.

His latest quest leads him to a deserted planet. Before he can close the portal, he gets unexpected guests in a form of half-brothers trying to kill each other. But their dispute has to be postponed, as the planet is approached by a huge spaceship bringing deadly danger.


#66

I’ll make sure to correct them :wink:


#67

Personally, I find the title to be a bit boring and general. I don’t feel like it hints on much.
On the other hand, the summary is quite interesting! I like how its to the point and includes all the parts needed to hook a reader.

Title: Gossip Of The Dead

Two boys.
One haunted school.

Strange and mysterious events take place in Miyazaki High School as the weeks draw nearer to Halloween. Situations spiral out of control as cursed objects are found in lockers, transfer teachers howl at the moon and jealous ghosts roam the halls.
When one of the members of the volleyball team finds a vicious mark on her skin, chaos breaks out.

In the midst of the uproar, Kai along side best friend Daron take it upon themselves to investigate the paranormal activities that threaten to close their school down. But on the way discover there are darker forces working in the shadows.


#68

Thank you for the feedback :slight_smile:


#69

I like it. It’s spot on for the season! I’m going to read it for sure. It gives the right amount of foreshadowing about the story. And it summarizes what’s going to happen.
9/10

DARK HORSE

Alec wanted to be invisible but he was born to be a God.

Alec Collingwood liked his life on the bottom. He and DJ, his brother, lived life on the outer fringes of the world. Bash never reached further than he could see, he planned out every moment of his life and pretended not to see the glittery invisible world around him. He was perfectly fine with laying on the bathroom floor and accepting his fate.

But the Fates are real and crueler than he believed. The world is crashing down around him and his family -and the new girl Nine doesn’t help cushion his fall from grace.

There’s a perfect storm coming and anyone can be your enemy.


#70

7/10
Your title is intriguing and your first line really pulls readers in. Where you lose points is where you talk about Alec and then Bash in the next sentence. It feels a little fragmented and gets a little confusing. But you end on a really good sentence which I like :slight_smile:

Fireborn:

In a post-apocalyptic world supernatural beings, who throughout history had stayed hidden, took a chance to live in the open after the humans disappeared underground. The New World settles into a false sense of peace for an age when trouble starts to brew again.

Humans want the world back, and they’ll do almost anything to achieve their goal.

Having spent her life hidden from the world, a young woman escapes her Caretakers only to find herself in the middle of a brewing war. Thrust into a mismatched group and set on a mission with little hope of anyone returning alive, it’s hard for Jai-Jai to keep her past in the past. It is even harder when a nosy vampire is continuously trying to uncover your secrets. Secrets which could not only change the course of the war but the fate of the world.


#71

THANK YOU so much!
(Its coming out in the first week of October!) Hope you enjoy it c: x


#72

Thanks for the advice! I’ll be sure to fix it up :):slightly_smiling_face:


#73

You are welcome :slight_smile:


#74

then I’ve got my eye on you!!!


#76

7/10
Well, your story sounds pretty interesting but there were about two or three mistakes in the summary, which are honestly fine. The only problems are the title and Jai-Jai because the book’s title seems confusing and misleading to me, and what’s Jai-Jai’s mission? Does she just want to take the world back like the other humans? You don’t have to over detail Jai-Jai, but at least provide a bit more about her in your summary. Besides that, everything else seems really interesting to read!

Everywhere I Go with Summer

“Hi! I’m Summer Erin Lee, and I was the barista that served you your coffee. May I join you?”
It’s the beginning of the second summer for Zack Larns at Eastward before he starts his senior year at a new high school–Eastward High School. Zack is the secretive kid in this new town, school, house, and even in his own life and presence…
It’s the beginning of a hopeful summer for Summer Erin Lee at Eastward before she starts her senior year at her current high school–Eastward High School. Summer is the doomed optimistic girl with a bloodborne illness till her very end…
What happens when the mentally and the physically ill cross paths in one fateful summer?
An adventure from a long bucket list happens… First love and kiss; a road trip for travelling ; different perspectives and insights enlightening and shaping the two; sights to wash away their shared pain; unexplained emotions secretly bottled inside of the two; secrets and promises to share and keep in sworn oaths; and a new bond that blossoms into something much more than a simple promise as a dying wish. That’s what can happen in one summer! Anything can happen, all in just a single summer with two polar opposites both with illnesses…
“An illness shouldn’t make a person lie in bed and wait for Death to come knocking away. An illness drives you to live the life you were meant to live: to make your lasting mark and story in this unknown universe.”


#77

6/10… only because it is a little long and you should get to something that will make readers want to read your story specifically pretty quickly. It is very interesting, though, and the title is intriguing
Title: Devil’s Child

Darya Thiel is a young, innocent town girl. She is thrust into the real world of Aishaya without a veil to cover her when she is forced to work for the wretched, corrupt queen that mercilessly slaughtered thousands of her people. While doing so, catching the eye of the dashing prince of Aishaya and realizing her strange gifts of Sorcery.

Elias Ranulf is a boy forced to work for the hopelessly corrupt Royal Guard. After his concealed fury and hatred shows to the captain of the Royal Guard time after time in the training sessions, he catches the attention of a young, fiendish Royal Guard spy captain higher up in the ranks. He is moved to Dornith, the city of the Queen, and performs her wretched dirty work for her.

Set in a time similar to the medieval ages, in a world of magic and fantasy, devils and the supernatural, see what evils are brewing beneath the Queen’s Castle. Who can Darya and Elias really trust when everyone seems to be united with the Queen?


#78

5/10
So, personally, I’ve never been a fan of the “Character 1 paragraph, Character 2 paragraph, Summary Paragraph” set up. It can work, but in this case, it’s a bit long winded. I also try to avoid rhetorical questions. The summary should be making the reader ask questions. When you ask the reader a question, the reader will start answering the questions instead.

Now, the bigger issue at hand, though, is the word choice and sentence structure. You use the word ‘wretched’ a few times within a few paragraphs. Some of your sentences run-on while others feel fragments. The grammar really needs to be cleaned up here.

The idea has a lot of potential and with a bit of tweaking, this could be great :slight_smile:


“When the Stars Throw Down Their Spears”

Wandering the world for eons has made Gauvain cynical. Humanity is hopeless, the world’s going to shit, and as far as he’s concerned, there’s nothing to do for it but drink himself into a stupor and live to forget. Until he meets Alejandro, an aspiring Paranormal Investigator with a soul so bright and hopeful that it becomes the flame to Gauvain’s moth. Really, Gauvain has no choice but to join Alex in his quest to rid the world from evil.


#79

I love it. 10/10! I love how this sounds. Some of the word choice hints at it being lighthearted, adventurous, comedic, and fun, but dark and cosmic as well. I love it. It sets up the world, the characters, and their goal without giving too much away. Excellent!!


A Flower in the Smog

Kai Fen’s life was uprooted by the Blylahn invasion, and has since left his comfortable life in Enyang to become a refugee in the mountainous nation of Vwos. After being seperated from his uncle, Kai Fen spends every second of free time at the refugee camp asking newcomers if they have met him. That, is until, he happens across a secret that he must deliver to the north.

All this, while he keeps his own identity a secret, and curses the Goddess Enshu, the Goddess of his homeland, for having forgone giving him the blessing his brother, his father, and all his fathers before him have been granted for centuries.


#80

6/10 Going to be honest, I found it a little confusing. You also have some commas where I don’t think you need them, like around ‘is until’.


Descent into Madness

Who would expect vicious creatures to lurk around a laboratory in search of their next prey? Not the pair of teenagers that got stuck there, obviously. How did a couple of inventors go from on top of the world to the pits of hell in one short day? The laboratory’s disturbing history plays games with their minds. Is it possible to survive and keep your sanity? When creatures go bump in the night sacrifices will have to be made.


#81

8/10 i was a little confused while reading the summary, but i think that adds a certain charm to your story and makes the reader questioning. Overall i think that summary would be perfect for an rpg-style horror game.

F:Ran

Just as always Ran was indecisive.
Developing a passion for swordsmanship, since he was young,Ran’s goal was that of enrolling on the high school of his dreams.
<>the name of the academy that could fulfil Ran’s purpose.
The academy that would turn him into the man he hoped to be.
He could see it.
But life is not always generous.
Born with a weak body and indifferent parents, Ran knew he could always dream of such a life, but never achieve it.
Now it is the time to make a choice.
Either going back to the darknes of the past, or walk forward and achieving his dreams without wasting any efforts.
And Ran made his choice.
Without realising he walked the first steps.
Those that marked the start of a legend…