Is your story interesting? [Based on title + summary]

writing

#122

9/10 I love it! It describes the protagonist, plot and stakes in an interesting and concise way. The only slight nitpick I have is that the first line is kind of cliche. It actually is the cliche done well, however, and it does flow well with the rest of the blurb.

An Omen of Crows

When Saki awoke in a forest clearing, she only remembered three things: her name, how to fight, and that she could lift objects with her mind. But, Saki has more important things to worry about. Laika is in the midst of a civil uprising, and Saki has stumbled right into in the middle of it.

Found and recruited by rebels, Saki focuses on her life as a renegade soldier. Fighting comes easily to her- a little bit too easy. But, she doesn’t have the luxury on dwelling on that or her forgotten past when any moment could be her last.

When a mysterious young man appears with proof that he is the Empress’s long lost son, the rebellion sees their opportunity to usurp the throne. Saki’s squad is tasked with assassinating the Empress and putting Prince Luwen in power.

Luwen also brings startling information: the government is looking for a young woman with mysterious powers like Saki’s. With only that to go on, Saki and her squad head to the capital with Luwen in tow to overthrow the throne and end this war. But, Saki can’t continue ignoring the questions of her past as they intertwine with the fate of not only Laika, but the entire world.


#123

8/10 It has an intereating story line but there seems to be a lot going on for a summary. If I was reading without most info from the summary, I would found the plots a lot more enjoyable. But overall great job!!! Two thumbs up.

Darkness End

No one would have thought the myths of vampires were true. It began with the fault of a new era that forced their pathway into existence. Man created monsters of their own, leading the vampire race to act against the new enemies- the machines, an industrial powered by steam. As the number of war grew, the supernatural race unveiled themselves from the shadows and participated alongside the vampires. Bloodshed was endless until the Vampire King concluded a submission of defeat. Thereafter, mankind and the supernatural race lived together in peace. But, for how long?

Living in seclusion, a vampire name Eserik stumbles across an unfortunate wolf and decides to take it in. However, the wolf is no ordinary nor supernatural. The vampire king believes the wolf could be the answer to save his world.


#124

Sounds unique and interesting, though not something I’d personally read. 7

The last alpha

Olivia is a werewolf. Orphaned as a child, and with no memory of her past, Olivia sets off on a journey to try and understand her strange heritage.

Now this high-school student learns that her people teeter on the edge of extinction, and their only hope for survival might be her.


#125

Sounds interesting to read is give it and 8

The Unexpected Journey

The Dean’s went camping on a summer weekend. When the returned home the didn’t expect to find it trashed. But that’s not all they found a not from the initials W.V. This particular group wants something from Kali Dean but she doesn’t know what. These people know something about Kali that she doesn’t and wants her. So the Dean’s go on a quest to find the people that want their so called ‘daughter’ Kali. On the notes they find on their journey has clues of where to find them and their name.


#126

that sounds like a thrilling mystery and I would like to read that. 8/10

Title: A world of choices for all but one
A foul mouth teenager with magical powers writes a letter to people they have known reflecting on her past experiences. The short story has underlying themes focusing on good and evil and how humans view fate.


#127

It’s a bit confusing for me to understand as a summary, maybe because I’m just slow. However as a short story, I think the theme could definitely work with the premise. 7/10 I wouldn’t pick it up at first glance, but maybe if I was recommended it.

Title: The Fairytale Assassin: Surviving Your Childhood One Idiot at a Time

Fable Kimble just wants to live a quiet life in the woods after the Great Fairytale war is over, but nothing is ever simply quiet and peaceful in the world of Fairytales. Soon, he finds himself stuck with a gigantic debt left by his late father, and his only option to pay it off is to do the many odd jobs he finds himself in around the kingdom.

With each person, he meets being as eccentric as a fairytale character can be, he doesn’t know how long he can make it as an odd jobber!


#128

The title seems a bit long, but that’s just personal preference. I would say that your blurb is pretty interesting, but very vague. Is the story centered around his journey around the kingdom, or his actions to repay the debt? But it sounds like something I would pick up as, say, a casual read. Not something to get extremely invested in, but something to help pass the time + boredom. :slight_smile:

Also, the Assassin part in the title throws me a bit off. The summary doesn’t even touch on that part, maybe it should?

Once Upon a Rainy Day

==+==+==+==

“What’s that, papa?”

“Nothing, Jac,” he said, reaching a scaly hand to pat his son’s shoulder. “It’s just a bit of magic, I’m saving for a rainy day.”

==+==+==+==

Jacques Manteau is the son of the Vile One, the most feared man in the Fifteen Worlds. But he remembers a time when it was not like that: until he was twelve, Jac knew who a father and a mother were, and even if the attitudes of his parents towards one another were tense, they both had loved him more than all else in all the world. But one night eight years ago, something tremendous happened and his world shattered and then came back together with all the wrong pieces; all the wrong pieces in all the wrong places. Motherless and moving ever-closer towards losing his father, Jacques attempts to steel his resolve yet again and rediscover that person he has almost forgotten.

Eight years ago, Tracassin hobbled with one leg and one cane into the battlefields of the Great War, and the fighting ceased to be. Eight years ago the Vile One’s mantle was passed from the one who perished to the one who killed him, and eight years ago the Darkness poured wave after wave into the deepest parts of Tracassin’s body. Eight years ago, a great curse sank its claws into his soul, and eight years ago, it began to dye his very heart black.


#129

I really liked your description, but I feel like you should be a bit more vague with Jacques’ past. Instead of letting the reader know a lot, just mention one or two key moments (ex. Something happened and suddenly his life was destroyed) and let them wonder what happened before this event. Other than that, I’m very intrigued by your story, and I want to check it out myself! 9/10.

Story title : Idyll

“I want to break into my father’s mansion office.”
Dyllan’s pace halted suddenly. He slowly turned around, his eyebrows furrowed and head cocked to the side.
“I’m sorry, did you just say you wanna break into an area of your own house?”
He groaned, slapping his hand to his head. “I know it sounds odd, but his office is off-limits to me - and I feel like he’s doing something down there. Something that could mess with our chips permanently.”
~
Dyllan Heider thought he was lucky - highly intelligent, in one of the best schools in the city, and was on his way to being one of the key programmers to look out for when he graduated. Everything seemed to be in his cards, future neatly laid out in front of him.
However, life can change in an instant.
After being the victim of a student attack and another that was halted before it got physical, he finds himself being approached by the mayor’s only living child for a favor, and a bit of help. Soon, he is presented with a choice : is this life idyll, or should he dig for a possible ‘truth’?


#130

I think I would take mansion out of the first sentence, it reads a touch awkwardly. Also maybe change office to study, unless that is critically important to your story line, because that makes me think more of a grand home office versus an actual office building. Then change the period after “down there” to a comma for better flow. Lastly take student out of “student attack” because it’s unnecessary. Aside from these tweaks for readability, I think it sounds very interesting :smile: 9/10

When Love Happened

Leighton Simmons has a broken heart and a bruised ego.

The man she’d admired and adored for as long as she could remember, her brother’s best friend, thinks of her as a little sister, and not even one he likes. Sure, he had said so under duress, but it was said nonetheless…and it was heard, loud and clear.

After years of pining after her forever guy, Leighton has seen the proverbial light. Now she has to decide whether to move on or change tactics when it comes to love, but one thing is for sure:

Kane Edwards has a big mouth and a lot to make up for.


#131

I really like that! It gives you a good backstory on what’s gonna happen without giving it all away, and a little about each character. It also sets the story up really well for the first few chapters, by which point the story and characters will probably have progressed far enough for more stuff and detail to happen. It’s what I consider the point where you start really preferring one character over another, and forming an opinion on them as a reader.


The Glove Club
The year is 1864. A research scientist. A young man with the opportunity of a lifetime - Kaseus Lorson. The opportunity to join one of the most prestigious gentleman’s clubs in all of London. The Penman’s Literary Society of Northwest London. A club run by the head of the Penman’s writing journal - William Cephona. The elite club coincidentally also functions as the Penman’s editing crew. They decide what goes in, and what gets shoved out.
Will decides who goes in the crew, and he has a -very- specific set of criteria. Obviously you need to be a gentleman, excellent manners, well dressed, but of course there’s also one more guideline.

And by the way, you won’t even get an offer if you don’t fit into this one.

Because to join this club, you’re going to need to the biggest damned dandy that ever walked the face of the earth.


#132

I found this really interesting! I like both the title and summary and would check it out! But the only thing I would comment on is what makes this club so important? Why is it prestigious?

Title: The Grim’s Lullaby

Summary: Under the rule of the Hollow Eight, appointed by Her Majesty, Victorian London homes a darkness moving in the shadow and stirring the tension between the Grims, humans bestowed with ‘gifts’ that bend and defy the laws of nature, and the Regs, those without a gift.

Meanwhile, Aria Mckneown, a young women with keen eyes and a strong a sense for justice, roams the streets of London in search for her missing sister. Despite her disappearance four years ago being ruled as a runaway incident, Aria doesn’t believe it. She knows the officials are lying. She always knows when they’re lying.

And so, with only whispers and mere rumours to guide her, Aria finds herself sneaking into the years grandest party hosted by the Hollow Eight where she is met with magic, lies and love.


#133

That’s a pretty good summary where your not giving too much away and it’s not entirely long either. Your story sounds awesome and it looks like you have everything mapped out.

Godless

Summary: Enter the tales of the Gods where only one rule applies; be the strongest above all.

The Goddess of Fire has never participated in the Gathering-where the Gods compete in a deadly match, hosting in a mortal candidate of their choosing. When her heart is stolen by a Godless who takes it to the Dark Void, a place of nonexistent that can destroy a God, the Goddess of Fire seeks the aid of the only being who returned from the Void. The God of Light is willing to help under one condition. The Goddess of Fire must compete in the Gathering.

Although she exists without a body, her time is running out. Will she be able to stay alive until her heart is retrieved? Or will she perish before the end of the Gathering?


#134

I’m not a big fan… Hmm, I think it just needs a bit of rephrasing and middle part of the second paragraph is mostly made of one long sentence. I had to reread it to grasp it fully. I think you can put ; in “condition; The Godness” :slight_smile: I would also have only one question at the end as both means the same thing.



Not yet published, so I’m just wondering if it sounds decent :slight_smile:

Title: Ninrai

In the far away land, behind two mountains and merely three rivers walked a boy. There was no worry in his life, and if there was, it was soon beaten down to never bother him again. He and his unusual rabbit partner were on a quest without an end… to fill their noisy stomachs.

They might find the right opportunity in the next city, but the burning question was –Was the opportunity in the mood to let them go off the hook?


#135

Ok, this is pretty good. I would give this 6/ 10. I think you may need a bit more description and information with this. I’m not sure what genre the book is or where it might be going. Seems a bit vague. Good job though.

Title: Legacy

Summary:
The flames of revenge, if not controlled, will turn into a raging fire strong enough to burn the whole kingdom down…
Revenge consumes Alexander Delacroix’s existence. Blaming The Duke of Carlisle, Gerard Veneer, for the death of his older brother, Delacroix elaborately plots the man’s demise. The Duke, however, has an agenda of his own. King Harry Alistaire, once his most trusted friend, cast him off into exile ten years ago for a crime he didn’t commit. Now, Gerard is back. The Duke wants Harry’s kingdom, and he’ll play whatever part he has to in order to get it. And Harry, the seemingly benevolent royal, has some secrets of his own; secrets someone is prepared to kill for. When an army led by a madman from the north attacks Harry’s kingdom, he concludes that all his sins are finally catching up with him.
The looming war drags the three men’s children into the battle, each one trying to escape their family’s past for very different reasons. But playing with their fathers’ fire is no child’s game. The families will face hardship and betrayal at the hands of vengeance. Can anyone survive the scorching blaze to leave a legacy behind?


#136

It’s really interesting and detailed, doesn’t seem like my kind of story so I’d most likely skip it but doesn’t mean it’s not good. 7’/10

Title : Ivory Black

Summary : Kai Jane Haywood was adopted when she was four, she loved growing up in a stable home with an older brother, a sister the same age and loving parents, not once did they make her feel out of place. It took one girls assumption of her to open her eyes to the real world.


#137

9/10. I’m slightly confused about the sister. Is she the same age as Kai or the same age as the brother? And then just a grammar issue in the final sentence. Instead of ‘girls’ there should be an apostrophe between the l and the s: girl’s. It sounds very real life and like something I would probably read. I, also, really love the title.

Title: The Adventures of Beatrice Bloom

Summary: Beatrice Bloom is the only lost girl on Neverland. She is also the only person who can save Peter Pan; however, she is the only lost child of Neverland that can’t fly. Her happy thoughts aren’t that happy, and her only friend is a pixie with no pixie dust. Now, how is she supposed to save Peter and Tinker Bell?


#138

It is good! doesn’t reveal too much but just enough! 9/10.

Title: Betrayed.

If there was one word that described how Aokigahara felt right now it was betrayed. His lawyer fought against him, placing him behind bars and his best friend was now sleeping with his girl. It seemed everything was going horribly wrong until they finally review his appeal. Will his retrial prove self defense or manslaughter? He didn’t know but one thing was for sure. He was getting his girl back and telling Krystain’s wife. What else would a freed man do anyway?


#139

9/10 Very interesting and certainly draws me into the story. It doesn’t give to much away either so still allows for questions to be asked. I do struggle with pronouncing the name a little (though that might just be me).

Here is mine!
Title: The Mad Queen
A woman cannot rule the Kingdom of Vivelle. If a king should only have daughters, then the princesses are to participate in a Queens Trial. A series of tests to see who is most worthy of becoming the Queen Victorious. The Winning daughter will marry a suitor of the kings choosing. Once married, her husband will become king. The losing queens will be sacrificed back to the people as punishment for their ancestor’s crimes. Or more specifically, the crimes of the Mad Queen.

Princess Illyana is the eldest of the kings five daughters. In a few days time, the Queens Trial will begin and there are only two possible outcomes. The first is she will fail and get sacrificed. The second is she will win and be forcibly wed to a cruel man and live the rest of her life knowing she is alive because her sisters are dead.

Illyana wants more. She wants to rule the Kingdome of Vivelle with her sisters by her side.
She only has a few days left to come up with a plan before the Trial begins. With the whole kingdom watching eagerly to see which daughter wins, it is going to be almost impossible for Illyana to change the minds of a nation so that she can sit on the throne.

It is going to be a dangerous and violent path for Illyana to cross. Allies have to be made and blood will have to be spilt. Illyana has enemies all around her who are desperate for her not to succeed and use her for their own political gain. Illyana has a lot of battles ahead if she wants to be the ruling Queen.


#140

8/10
I think your title is a little generic. It definitely sounds like a classic dystopian novel, but it doesn’t sound different.
I think your summary is intriguing, though I think you might want to shorten it so it doesn’t reveal too much of the plot.

Mine:

Title; What the Morning Brings

Sumary: Ori is an average small-town boy. Or so he thought, until a strange circus appears in his backyard. He meets Blithe, a golden and guileful acrobat who immediately draws Ori in. So when she invites him to run away and join the Cirque de Reverie, how can he possibly refuse?

Two sisters, as opposite as light and dark but as close as the moon and the stars. When one runs away, leaving the younger sister heartbroken, she grapples with her grief and the secrets her sister left behind. Something tugs on her heart, forcing her to follow in her sister’s steps, and she must find a way to save her before it’s too late. But in a circus that thrives on magic, mystery, and manipulation, that task might just be monumental.

The circus intertwines their paths, and their destinies are written in the stars.


#141

9/10 its a bit vauge but subject matterand title is good

Title:No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

Synopsis
Aokigahara was very young when the incident with Dorothy had taken place but of course watching someone melt your mother was enough to make one hate everything.

On the other hand Krystain didn’t want his mother’s job. He wanted more excitement than simply floating in a bubble into munchkin land but hey…he was being forced to train for it.

On his 16th birthday Aokigahara cast his first major curse, stealing control of his mother’s castle and casting a dark shadow over OZ by the time he was 18.

When Dorothy’s house reappears on top of Aokigahara’s sister everyone expects the bright freckled beauty from eons ago and instead get two new faces.

Lena and Landon had simply went to visit their grandmother Dorothy when the wind picked up. Krystain tells them he’ll tell them how to get home if he gets Aokigahara’s broomstick first…except Lena finds herself wanting to glide into the arms of the very man who wished to kill her and Landon just wanted to stare at Krystain all day.

Note: this story was inspired and based off of the wizard of oz so I can’t take full claim.