Is your story interesting? [Based on title + summary]

writing

#142

7/10 You have a great title, but your synopsis felt a bit long and a just a little hard to follow. I think you could shorten it a bit.

Title: The Element of Life

I was just an ordinary teenage girl who had just turned 17. Yes, I had my ups and downs in life. Buying a new jeep was an amazing experience, but that was nothing compared to dealing with an ex-boyfriend trying to make my life miserable, facing an eating disorder, and trying to overcome the fact that my father left us when I was younger. I suppose it’s good to have friends by your side even if it’s just 1.

Life changed that fateful day when I noticed a strange light in the park. My poor judgement told me to visit the park and I did. Little did I know that touching that light would give me a power. What was this power? This was the power to bring things back to life! Nothing was ever the same.


#143

Haha I was drunk when I wrote it the entire plot changed and the new synopsis is shorter. I’m working on another story anyway too. Your summary is well written but it lacks a catch. I personally am turned off by first person writing but like a lot of summaries start with I was or I was just an ordinary blank and that sorta takes away from a clever catch I’d give it a 8/10 for structure but catch wise its more a 3/10.

Title: Albacore

Albacore was Aokigahara’s proudest creation for sure but fame can ruin everything. The band lasted roughly twenty years before the guitarist died. Twenty years before everyone went solo. Twenty years of protests and drug raids and arrests.

In 1962 the band was invited, much like the Beatles, to fly in from England to perform on the Ed Sullivan show. It was a rare chance and they took it. They skyrocketed in fame. Drugs came cheap and the woman came easy…but Aokigahara…well…He had his eyes set on one girl. He had seen her in the crowd of fans and well…he gave the girl his number. At least when his best friend and band all died in 1978 he had her to comfort him.


#144

Well, I’m going to go with 7/10 for the following reasons

The names. I get that they’re unique, but I’m getting mentally tired trying to read them. Maybe make shortened versions, I. E. Aoki?
Also, that band thing really seems like an afterthought. 16 years after it starts, too; it feels like a biography rather than a story.

Please don’t take this personally ;I’m sure the story’s amazing. I just thought that honesty is better than lies.

In Search of Jericho
Lost. Scared. Alone.
Special Agent Luke Huxley isn’t really that special. He’s single, on the wrong side of thirty, and works with his sister; coincidently, she’s sleeping on his couch. So, when an amnesiac appears with a note addressed to him, it’s a hard wake-up call. Will Huxley get to the bottom of the mystery, or will the secrets of the elusive Jane Doe evade him forever?


#145

9/10 I like how you open with 3 words. And I really like how you make it clear that Luke isn’t that special of a guy. It had me intrigued to know why we should care about someone not so special. Your title is also interesting. Though, I’m not sure if Jericho is a person. I kept thinking of the city in the bible that fell.

Title: The Element of Life

Everyone says 17 is the perfect age. I was sure hoping so. Buying a new jeep was an amazing experience that any girl could hope for, but that was nothing compared to dealing with an ex-boyfriend trying to make my life miserable, facing an eating disorder, and trying to overcome the fact that my father left us when I was younger. I suppose it’s good to have friends by your side even if it’s just 1.

Life changed that fateful day when I noticed a strange light in the park. My poor judgement told me to visit the park and I did. Little did I know that touching that light would give me a power. What was this power? This was the power to bring things back to life! Nothing was ever the same. Maybe 17 is just another crappy age.


#146

9.999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999∞+

Okay, so the only reason I didn’t give it a ten is because the beginning sounded like the summary of any other angsty teen fic, but boy was I wrong!

Hunting Season (unpublished)

“I trusted you,” Max said between choked sobs.

She couldn’t believe what was happening or how this had started. All she could remember was that she was following that white deer one second and the next she was being interrogated about her brother’s drug habits.

“This is not supposed to be real, TJ. You’re not supposed to be turning into a dog every full moon. You’re supposed to be getting ready for law school in Florida. TJ!” She said as all the tears she was holding back for so long came pouring out.

“I told you,” Andrew whispered in her ear while holding her in a hug. He handed her the silver bullet and the gun.

“Max, you’re not thinking straight… he’s your brother for God’s sake!” Bruce pleaded.

“You have to do it Max. You have to end this now,” Andrew encouraged.


When the Coopers move to their new town, the first thing they are warned of is of the white fawn that stalks the backyards of the townsfolk, and the full moon.

They ignore the warnings until the eldest son disappears with no trace and comes back a wolf-man, they don’t know what to do.

Max teams up with a local booknerd to get her brother back, but their plan might backfire when a charming werewolf tries to befriend Max.


#147

Btw, is @JustinW11 your WP username?


#148

The Jericho allusion is deliberate. Jericho is supposed to represent everything that the other main character Jane Doe, although not the protagonist, loses when her memory (city) is lost (falls).

Thank you for your kind words!


#149

It is my username. Here is a link to help. https://www.wattpad.com/user/JustinW11


#150

Very interesting, I’d probably read it. 8/10

Ivory Black

Kai Haywood never realized how sheltered her life was until someone came along and showed her the real world.


#151

6/10 I really like your title, but your summary is lacking. I feel you need to have a little more, but your story does sound interesting.

The Element of Life

Everyone says seventeen is the perfect age. I was sure hoping so. Buying a new jeep was an amazing experience that any girl could hope for, but that was nothing compared to dealing with an ex-boyfriend trying to make my life miserable, facing an eating disorder, and trying to overcome the fact that my father left us when I was younger. I suppose it’s good to have friends by your side even if it’s just one.

Life changed that fateful day when I noticed a strange light in the park. My poor judgement told me to visit the park and I did. Little did I know that touching that light would give me a power. An element if you will. This new power completely changed my life. To say the least, nothing would ever be the same.


#152

6/10

Honestly, the first part of the summary was a little much. There seem to be a lot of bad things happening to your main character, and its almost too much misery. The second half of your summary is more intriguing, but I think you should be a little less vague. For example, this new power changed her life, but how? How is she able to use her new power to overcome her previous issues?

What the Morning Brings

Ori is an average small-town boy. Or so he thought, until a strange circus appears in his backyard. He meets Blithe, a golden and guileful acrobat who immediately draws Ori in. Accepting her invitation to join the Cirque de Reverie, he is swept up in a whirlwind of wonder. Unbeknownst to him, the circus is not what it seems, and something dark lurks beneath its golden surface.

Two sisters, as opposite as light and dark but as close as the moon and the stars. When one runs away, leaving the younger sister heartbroken, she grapples with the grief and secrets her sister left behind. Something tugs on her heart, forcing her to follow in her sister’s steps, and it is up to her to find a way to save her before it’s too late. But in a circus that thrives on magic, mystery, and manipulation, that task might just be monumental.

The circus intertwines their paths, and their futures are written in the stars.


#153

7/10

The title is unique which is good. The summary is well written and reads like an actual summary that would be on a book jacket. I do think the summary reads rather slowly, which some readers would like, but other people prefer a quick paced summary and just want to know the plot. I do not know if the second paragraph flows with the first. It kind of reads like two separate summaries. One summary for Ori and the other for the sisters. While all the characters are interesting, I’m not sure if readers need to know all of the character information at once. It kind of leaves confusion on who is the main character of the story and leaves the reader wondering if the book is going to focus more on Ori’s story or the sisters.

Though, I personally wouldn’t want to read it because I tend to dislike circus stories, so maybe my opinion isn’t relevant to this genre? I’m not sure how other circus story summaries are written in comparison. I did enjoy the beautiful language. It has some good descriptions.

Title: The Core of Us

The souls of Skille are only known to be completely good or completely evil. The only one ever known to be both is named Reve Statera and he is infamous among the badlands. At birth, it was prophesied that Reve is destined to save the world or to destroy it. Reve’s only wish is to outrun his destiny, but unfortunately, destiny has a way of catching up to you.


#154

6.5/10 The concept is interesting but seems toned down in a ‘meh’ blurb. Nothing in it’s wording captures my attention and parts seem pretty cliche.

These sound cliche to me. I feel the first cliche could be solved by explaining a bit of what kind of world it is or specifying what specific world, meaning the ENTIRE world or just a part of the world that seems like the entire world to the characters and settings involved.

I feel the second cliche should be reworded or removed entirely to basically say you can’t outrun fate and maybe drop a hint towards why he can’t outrun his fate.

I may or may not have read your prologue :wink: and I wish some of the emotion used in it could be used in the blurb. I would also suggest rewording the completely good and bad part since good and bad are pretty abstract and everyone defines them differently. Instead, try describing the opposite forces/lands in the world, like describe in a few words different aspects to the lightlands and badlands

Title: Shards

Octavia has almost always been a prominent figure, in essence a celebrity, because of her parents’ powerful positions. So, when the Chrome Rebellion sends Chromies to crash the underground party she had been forced to go to, she’s scared but not surprised she’s taken hostage along with other politicians’ children. And to worsen her situation, she is the personal prisoner of Shard - the leader of the Chrome Rebellion. She learns from him the ransoms for all the politicians’ children except her own. Shard insists keeping it a secret from her and nearly all of his own rebels, too.

Little does Octavia actually know about the Chrome Rebellion and her government until she discovers her ransom price.


#155

7/10 I mean it seems interesting, but there’s something about the rhythm of the sentences that’s throwing me off. Maybe try improving the sonic texture?

In Search of Jericho
Lost. Scared. Alone.
Special Agent Luke Huxley isn’t really that special. He’s single, on the wrong side of thirty, and works with his sister; coincidently, she’s sleeping on his couch. So, when an amnesiac appears with a note addressed to him, it’s a hard wake-up call. Will Huxley get to the bottom of the mystery, or will the secrets of the elusive Jane Doe evade him forever?


#156

8/10
It certainly is well written, with a certain vibe pulling me into the story. I loved the ‘wrong side of thirty’ line(quite a unique way to phrase it). I do feel, however, that it could be a bit longer.

Title: Novalithia: Dreamcharmer’s Tree

Before the Great Journey

Of sharp mind and quiet heart, Lodric Siegard is deemed an ideal pupil by his tutors at the Scholary. With little taste for adventure or anything out of the ordinary, his bookish-self would much rather prefer studying and excelling at his lessons (some more than others). Lodric dreams of becoming a Mastersmith, for just like his mother, he is driven by a love for peculiar machines.

But ambition soon finds itself at odds with destiny. Forced into accepting an impossible task, Lodric must travel across the Greatlands, to an end echoing the fate of his brothers.

A Journey must begin

Thus begins the great journey- through woods home to strange beasts and pearly deserts, encountering dragons made of ironflesh and elves stranded on frozen clouds- in a world utterly transformed by the dreamer’s tree.

On the way, some deeply unsettling secrets make themselves known, which may very well spell the difference between family and foe.


#157

9/10. I really enjoyed it and found it interesting, but it was rather lengthy. I would play around with cutting out from “A journey must begin” and beyond.

Title: The Smiling Fate
Synopsis: Despite what some believe, there exists powers in this world that hand our circumstances to us. These fates have been around for thousands of years, and stick with their assigned people from birth until death. As soon as their last person dies, a fate gets a new person assignment, and a new name to go along with it. Eventually, the fates get used to going through the motions. What tears can be caused by a little death to a thousand year old fate? But when Fate Mia gets her new assignment, the one for Mia Simps, she starts to care for the little girl. But when a power higher than Fate Mia hears of the actions she’s taken for the teenage Mia Simps, suddenly both of their lives are going to get a lot more painful.


#158

I’d give it 7/10; before you bite my head off for that, keep in mind both the rhythm and structure of your sentences; they seem to all have the same beat and meter, and when they start with “but when” twice in a row, I stop paying attention.
The summary is supposed to be a tease to read the book, but it can just as easily ward off readers so it’s important to get it right.

In Search of Jericho

Lost. Scared. Alone.
Special Agent Luke Huxley isn’t really that special. He’s single, on the wrong side of thirty, and works with his sister; coincidently, she’s sleeping on his couch. So, when an amnesiac appears with a note addressed to him, it’s a hard wake-up call. Will Huxley get to the bottom of the mystery, or will the secrets of the elusive Jane Doe evade him forever?


#159

I thinks it’s something like a 6/10.
It did sound interesting in the beginning, but then kinda jumped to hard and you’re like “yeah, so there’s that agent, and that elusive criminal, like every agent-story”. It just sound to basic.
Question is, if your story is basic. But just from that summary, and the title, I would probably only read it if I was a huge fan of agent-stories. Maybe change it a little from “Will Huxley get to the bottom of the mystery,…” and give some little more information.

The Diary of a Child

Huge, dark and threatening. The wall who separates the whole world into two. On one side, there live human. On the other side, there live monsters. Humanity does not know about what lays behind the wall, but monsters know about humans. Why? Because it is a small group of humans, who torture at least two of these monster every year on one single day, frightening them forever. But monster are keeping their hope. Until one day, a young child happened to cross the wall. Will the monsters kill this human in revenge? Or will they be careful?


#160

Oh, Jane’s not a criminal. She’s the amnesiac. Perhaps I should outline that better.


#161

OOOOOo
i like were this is going its very intriguing to me how the world is separated and divided into two races but i wish to know why they were divided in the first place
i give it a 9/10

The Evil

Orphaned at a young age Blake Goldman was your typical teen, except he was homeless when he was young.
His parents had kept secrets from him until one day his father returned and attempted to kill him his mother transformed into an unknown beast to save his life but died in the process.
Years passed when Blake was rescued by a homeless man after being attacked by gang members, the homeless man was Brick Rockner an ex soldier in the third purge who retired after being injured, Blake and Brick had to leave for their rout one day when an unknown shout sounded and when they arrived the victims blood was used as ink to spell out “I’M WATCHING YOU”…
Is Blake being watched or is it just another gang threat?..

An evil force is hunting you and the rest of your kind, you are in grave danger
" what evil force?" i called out hoping for a response but got one word that sent fear through my entire body
‘DEMONS’