Karan Seraph Critiques (open)

critiques

#1

Welcome

STATUS: Open for new requests. As of New Year have 20 works in the current queue. Requests open, but keep in mind it will take me time to get through the queue.

About Critic: A native English speaker with knowledge of American/British regional differences; mainly an autodidact in Writing who has taken a few Creative Writing courses; published in the (very) small press, avid reader; has been writing for well over one decade; has studied in Fine Arts and Multimedia Design programs. Also wrote one Featured and one Longlist work, if that’s relevant.

Formats/Genres Accepted for Critique: All*
* Service is for Wattpad works that meet all Wattpad Content Guidelines and are appropriately rated; I assert that I am able to read both all-ages and mature-rated works.

Service Offered:

Note: Not a line-editing service, but grammar may be mentioned to the extent it affects clarity.

For Fiction: Prose formats receive feedback on story and style elements including but not limited to: apparent plot structure, use and consistency of POV, characters and their development, style, diction, mood, themes. Dramatic formats receive similar story level feedback.

For Poetry: Focus on style, mood, figurative language, apparent symbolism.

For Non-Fiction: Narrative style Non-Fiction will be critiqued similar to prose format Fiction. Other forms of Non-Fiction will be critiqued with a focus on clarity and comprehension. Note: Not a SME or fact-checking service.

Graphic Novels and/or Multimedia: Combination of story level and design feedback.

Terms:

  • Clarification: This particular service is only for works publically accessible on Wattpad. i.e. if the work is still a draft, on your computer, on Google Docs, or any other private or non-Wattpad space, this particular service is not for that work.
  • Feedback/Critique will be delivered via Wattpad comment (in-line and/or by chapter) on the work by default and may be delivered by PM upon request.
  • I may decide to deliver feedback privately via PM, even if not requested, if I feel there’s just something generally sensitive; this may or may not be followed by public comments on the work.
  • I critique as I have time between my own writing and other reading responsibilities.
  • As many as two chapter/parts read per request, not including frontmatter or appendices. (If half-chapters or chapter parts are in use, I may or may not choose to read these as “one” depending on length and content.)
  • If one of the first parts is a short prologue or parts are very short in general, I made choose to read more than the default 2 parts (examples: a prologue plus two other chapters, or three chapters of a work with brief vignettes or journal-style entries). Reading more parts is at my discretion and the default amount per request per is still two (2) parts/chapters.
  • You may request again with additional parts/chapters to go back into the queue
  • Per Community rules, I do have the right to refuse requests without giving a reason
  • I will use a tag like #critiques on public comments so other Wattpadders can identify comments as solicited feedback.

Payment: You, the client requesting critique, after receiving the critique, return to this thread and leave a comment about how helpful or not the provided feedback was and whether the terms and service offered were/are what you would like in a critiquing service. Please, include any suggestions for improved service.


My rant about how people give feedback.
#2

FORM

Wattpad Username:
Current title of work to be critiqued:
URL for the main navigation page of the work to be critiqued:
Chapters/parts for this request:
Wattpad Category for the work:
Type(s) of feedback requested:
Any type(s) of feedback not wanted:
Anything else?


#3

RELATED ADDITIONAL AND OPTIONAL SPECIALTIES AND SERVICES

For no additional payment, I can offer these services upon request. (Ask in “anything else” section of the form.)

  • Dark Fantasy (Sub)genre Consulting: When I look at your work in a Fantasy, Paranormal, Vampire, Horror, or similar category, I can provide feedback on where I think it fits in the spectrum of works between Fantasy and Horror and suggest possible tags to use to aid visibility.
  • Gothic Subculture Sensitivity Reading: When I look at your work that happens to include characters, settings, or events related to Gothic Subculture, I can provide feedback on whether these may be received as particularly offensive, erroneous, or fetishizing.
  • "Is this the 80s?" Are you trying to write the next Stranger Things but you were only just born in the 1980s? I grew up in a suburban neighborhood in the United States in the 1980s and watched John Hughes and Steven Spielberg classics when they were new. I know those toy-related franchises well. I can tell you if a scene set in the 80s has an accurate feel.

#4

THE QUEUE


CURRENT

  • Golden Boys by @wildestyouth (Chapters Prologue, 1, 2) [attn transition, flow…]
  • McKinley Military Academy by @GoldenGeese (Chapters Prologue-1) [helpful :slight_smile: ]
  • What the Morning Brings by @inflorescent (Chapter 1)
  • Matt’s Divorce by @MaryFahey (Chapters 1-2 1992: Morning-Noon)
  • Incandescent by @TheCookie_Monster (1-2 "chicken - “country”)
  • All the Lights are On by @ACertainCrimsonFox (Chapter 3-4 “Pence” - “Ridley” ) [short parts]
  • The Disease Called Man by @_quinta (Chapters 1-2)
  • Dreamt by @lily1066xc (Chapters 1-2) [concept of Jay, not the tense usage, attn Ch 1.]
  • Thundering Poetry by @Shadow_wonder (parts 1-4 at least) [Poetry Service]
  • VITALITY by @Crysta_Levere (Chapters 1-2)
  • 12:01 by @AverySummers (Chapters 1-2) [usual fiction service esp plot, characters]
  • Haunted Rayne by @AnneMcKae (Chapters Prologue - 2) [usual fiction service + tag consult]
  • Fly High by @Iori_kei (“Inverness” “Mixed Berries Yogurt”) [usual fiction service]
  • Tom Boy by @dAYoFtHEdECAF (Chapters Prologue - “Morning Service” (short parts)) [usual fiction service]
  • The Legend of Moonflower Princess by @jgrace2197 (Chapters 1- 2 or 3) [fiction service, some subjective likes/dislikes suggested]
  • dear percocet… by @viitasaari (Chapters 1-2, but not preface) [fiction service, please leave feedback in a comment on Preface.]
  • Art of Stealing by @strawberpcy (Chapters 1-2 or 3 (will confirm part lengths)) [fiction service/suggestions for new writer]
  • A City of Shadows by @odemira (Chapters 1-2) [fiction, esp dialogue, pace, clarity]
  • Red The Asylum Boys by @EverestNeverlynn (Chapters Prologue - “Heist” (some short parts)) [Fiction, no grammar]
  • Adventures of Prince Vajendra by @wandering1234 (Chapters 1-2) [Serial Fiction? Tag/Genre consult requested]
  • Melody Collision by @Defiant_Spirit (I. feelings fade, V. dead roses do…) [Poetry service]
  • Wonderwall by @originalverbivore (Chapters Kendra and Summer) [Fiction, esp characters, visualization]
  • Elowen’s Yellow Cloth by @creakysmirk (Chapters 1-2) [Fiction, esp plot logic, flow, character interest, suggestions for improvement requested, PM delivery requested.]
  • Sea High by @PreciousGem07 (Chapter 1) [Fiction, esp pace, engagement]

TEMPORARY HOLD (may be awaiting reply/confirmation from author)

PREVIOUS

  • Ctrl Alt Del by @Yano_Ism Chapters 1-2 (Wilma Alma, Baggage)
  • Redfern by @Nevervane Chapter 7 Parts 3-4
  • 3S by @xletmebemyselfx Chapters 1-2 (The Saint, The Kill)
  • Obsessed Oppositesby @elissa_cl Chapters 1-2 [delivered in PMs]
  • Renegades by @EmilyGJones Chapters 1-2 (‘disaster’, ‘enemy’)
  • Honor in Blood by @kalaxis Chapter 1- 2 [delivered in PM]
  • She’s the One by @KateAnnee Chapter 1-2 [short parts, read/commented on 1-4]
  • Silver Glass by @AugustineReverie Chapters 1-2 (“dare” and “drown”)
  • The Ants that Carried Us by @ellehcelliab Chapters 1-2 + subgenre service
  • All I See by @Havingfun_ISKEY Chapter: Prologue-Chapter 1 [Nathan Sharp]
  • Perchance to Dream by @rhythmchyc (Chapters 1-2 (2 in two parts))
  • Ether Roots by @JE-Glass [@JE-Glass1] (Chapters 1-2)
  • Cross Country by @LillianAugust (Chapters 1-2)
  • Partners by @DeliaMaguire6 (Chapters 1-2 Hindrance, Miscalculations) [Detroit Become Human]
  • So You Want to Play in Hollywood? by @hangrypd (read 3, critique on first two) [epistolary novel]
  • Sirius Divided by @JamesHansen806 (Chapters Prologue, Raid, Encounter)

#5

RESERVED FOR WORK SAMPLES AND/OR SELECTED TESTIMONIALS


#6

Wattpad Username: @Yano_Ism

Current title of work to be critiqued: Ctrl Alt Del

URL for the main navigation page of the work to be critiqued: https://www.wattpad.com/story/160867137-ctrl-alt-del-coming-soon

Chapters/parts for this request: The first two chapters.

Wattpad Category for the work: Mystery/Thriller

Type(s) of feedback requested: I would love to get a general feedback on the plot, characters, their development, the setting, the prose…anything you pick up on really. What you wrote under “For Fiction” sounds about right :slight_smile:

Any type(s) of feedback not wanted: Can’t think of anything. What kind of feedback would people generally not want? All feedback is good as long as it constructive.

Anything else? No.


#7

Hi Karen :slight_smile: I really like the detail you have provided in this thread.

Wattpad Username: Nevervane

Current title of work to be critiqued: Redfern

URL for the main navigation page of the work to be critiqued: https://www.wattpad.com/myworks/81489478-redfern

Chapters/parts for this request: Chapter 7 part 3 and 4

Wattpad Category for the work: Fantasy (previously vampire)

Type(s) of feedback requested: I haven’t really put much thought into this whole chapter so am interested in any general thoughts, but I would like to know what you think of Arran as a character in this section and how the characters of Celyn and James come across. I’d also like to know if it seems interesting.

Any type(s) of feedback not wanted: I know my grammar sucks, I don’t mind feedback on it but I’m probably going to cut big chunks of this section and rewrite most of it and then send it to an editor so it’s not so helpful to me.

Anything else? Just a little context as this isn’t the start of the book: Arran has been dating Naomi for most of a year, but hasn’t told her that he is a vampire. After he had to rush off in suspicious circumstances while hanging out with their mutual friend James she has given him an ultimatum that he either comes clean or she leaves him. She has also just revealed that she has an illness which, though usually benign, is likely going to shorten her life dramatically. Arran has just snapped under the pressure and revealed to James that he is a vampire, James accepts this as truth but is in a bit of shock. Arran’s mother, Celyn, has just helped rescue one of Arran’s other friends but while doing so murdered her attacker (which she is well within her rights to do as a supernatural leader) and Arran has been unsure of how he feels about this.


#8

My, oh my, are you a fast critic (well, I’m first on the list…but we’ll overlook that). Thank you for taking the time to read my story, what will be my first attempt at a psychological thriller. I hope you enjoyed it :slight_smile:

I found your critique/feedback both insightful and detailed. You really put into words my preference for the first person present-tense narration. It wasn’t until I was writing the second chapter that it sort of clicked into place why this narration style was so different from that of another story I’m writing (first person past-tense). It’s the immediacy, the almost stream of consciousness and the blurred line between action and thought and the merging of those two on the page. It wasn’t a conscious decision on my part, or so I believed, but the story couldn’t be written any other way—so, in some sense, I must have known the pros of writing from that POV beforehand (I think). Anyway, your observation was spot on.

There isn’t much of a plot, as of right now, so I guess that’s why that portion of the feedback was meager. I would have liked a more personal touch (don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed the objectivity), but there wasn’t much of your opinion there. I would’ve loved to known what you thought of the character. Did you sympathise, did you not? Do you have any thoughts/objections to how the mental illness was portrayed?

One thing I should have added in the “Anything Else” part of the form is, was there a chiefly British or chiefly American expression that stood out from the prose? I’m not a native speaker, and I’ve heard that you shouldn’t mix A/E words/expressions with B/E, but I do it constantly. So please do let me know if you stumbled over something like that.


#9

Note: by coincidence, Redfern is on one of my reading lists and I was re-reading earlier chapters of Redfern on my own recently, so I will probably at least skim through or re-read some other parts before providing the more detailed feedback on the requested parts. I appreciate the summary. That also helps.


#10

Oh cheers! As always you’re even nicer than you need to be :heart:


#11

Thanks for the feedback on my process. You were the first to request of course, so I’m still working on getting a feel for what fellow Wattpadders want.

I can work on mixing “personally” and “as a reader” with more objective feedback. I may be guilty of holding back a bit since we hadn’t worked together before. So, I may go add another comment.


#12

Wattpad Username: xletmebemyselfx

Current title of work to be critiqued: 3S

URL for the main navigation page of the work to be critique: 3S – T. Clover

Chapters/parts for this request: First 2 chapters ( A Saint & A Kill)

Wattpad Category for the work: Teen Fiction

Type(s) of feedback requested: Fiction

Any type(s) of feedback not wanted: nothing in particular

Anything else? Not really, no.

I hope that you will accept my request!


#13

Hey Karen! I am a brand new writer on Wattpad and I am not getting very many views… only 7 in total so far. I have been working so hard on my book and I do not know what I am doing wrong. I would really appreciate your feedback if you have time.

Wattpad Username: elissa_cl
Current title of work to be critiqued: Obsessed Opposites
Chapters/parts for this request: The first chapters I have posted
Wattpad Category for the work: Teen Fiction
Type(s) of feedback requested: I would love to have constructive criticism.
Any type(s) of feedback not wanted:
Anything else?
I don’t believe so, but thank you and I hope you accept my request!


#14

Wattpad Username: EmilyGJones
Current title of work to be critiqued: Renegades
URL for the main navigation page of the work to be critiqued: https://www.wattpad.com/story/160001238-renegades
Chapters/parts for this request: 1-2
Wattpad Category for the work: Sci fi
Type(s) of feedback requested: Since these are really early chapters, I’d love your oppinion on the overall storyline, how much you actually like it, and how well the book flows.
Any type(s) of feedback not wanted: Nothing I can think of. Anything’s helpful.

Thanks.


#15

Wattpad Username: Kalaxis
Current title of work to be critiqued: Honor in blood
URL for the main navigation page of the work to be critiqued:Honor in blood
Chapters/parts for this request: Chapter One and Two.
Wattpad Category for the work: Action
Type(s) of feedback requested: Dialogue, Character’s Structures and an overall view how the starting of the story.
Any type(s) of feedback not wanted: N/A
Anything else? Could you deliver your critique through my PMs instead?


#16

@kalaxis @EmilyGJones @elissa_cl

Hi.

I will add you to queue.

FYI. I’m feeling ill today so reading will not be immediate.

Marking service temporarily closed to new request until better.


#17

Thank you for adding me to the queue. Sorry to hear that, hope you get will soon, love


#18

Karan critiqued my extract with an incredibly high level of detail; she succinctly summed up what worked in the extract and why, which is an often overlooked side to critiquing services, and this meant that the areas she highlighted for improvement felt properly contextualised. Karan’s suggestions were provided with evidence directly from the text and were thoughtful and useful.

All in all, this service was very helpful. Karan’s feedback was diligent, deep and came justified within the genre and style of the book.


#19

Karen’s critique was very in-depth, she even went as far as to read the tags of my book! I found the critique to be very helpful as well as insightful. She gave me insight on how my readers view my book as well as what I need to improve on to attract more readers. Some of the concerns she mentioned to me were things I never thought about. Karen justified and explained all of her main concerns politely by privately messaging me, instead of leaving a public comment. Overall, her critique was very insightful and I respected the way she went about giving it.


#20

Karan Seraph is one of the few fabulous critics who actually put their trust in me as a fellow author. My MC is quite peculiar when it comes to her thought process and speech, and, while some critics blamed me for the unrealistic teen-unlike dialogue, Karan saw it for what it was; a weird dialogue said by a weird girl. Thank you Karan for noticing!

Yet, this is one of the many things I liked about her critique. She provided insight onto things, as a reader, she wouldn’t like, details about the grammar, the plot, and the everything. It was a very helpful critique that was blunt and point on, but not hurtful all the same!

I would love to point out things about Karan’s critiques that I didn’t like, but, honestly, no matter how many times I go over them, I can’t seem to find something that was not to my liking.

Thank you so much for the critique Karan!