Thank you so much for your detailed analysis and critique. I found this very helpful and you brought up and analyzed so many aspects of the story from angles that I hadn’t looked at yet. You analyzed my choice of first person and present tense in the narrative, which I don’t think anyone’s commented on yet and it was helpful to hear that I should be including more of the MC’s thoughts/feelings. I’m glad you liked the dialogue and progression in the second chapter. I have quite a few things to re-visit now, especially knowing how all of the characters came across (or aren’t coming across).
All I can say is, you really know what you’re talking about I really appreciate you taking the time to do this. Thank you!