Karan Seraph Critiques (open)

critiques

#62

Wattpad Username: @lily1066xc

Current title of work to be critiqued: Dreamt

URL for the main navigation page of the work to be critiqued: https://www.wattpad.com/story/166774683-dreamt

Chapters/parts for this request: Chapters 1-2

Wattpad Category for the work: Fiction / Teen Fiction

Type(s) of feedback requested: This is my first time writing! Any feedback or critiques would be great, especially on the concept of Jay.

Any type(s) of feedback not wanted: I wrote the dream segment in past tense to differentiate the dream from present-time narration and I got several comments on the tense change. I plan on changing this soon so it’s not necessary to comment on that haahah.

Anything else?: The more I read my first chapter and the more I get critiques, I’m beginning to like it less and less, so feel free to kinda rip it apart so I can really fix it up. Also, chapters 3-4 are pretty short and not a lot of people have read it, so if you ever have time to check those chapters out and give me feedback that would be really great! Thanks so much


#63

I’ll add your work to the queue, but I glanced quickly at the first section of the first chapter just now because you mentioned a possible known issue.

about that potential issue

It’s not the tense change itself, because it’s clearly done with intention, it’s the transition paragraph shifts tense slowly rather than at one decisive point of wakefullness, right? The transition is what you plan to change soon when you edit?


#64

I guess I’ll ask your opinion then. Do you think it’s okay I keep writing any dream scenes in past tense or what should be fixed because I’m going back right now and I’m starting to change some things


#65

Writer: @Shadow_wonder
Title: Thundering Poetry
Chapters: I don’t know you choose. (14 published chapters)
Feedback wanted: what you listed under poetry/ anything else you wish to add.
Feedback not wanted: I dont really mind what kind of comment you give but I want it to be honest I guess.
Link: https://www.wattpad.com/story/167879126-thundering-poems-tqa2k18
Thank you for offering the service :smile:


#66

@lily1066xc

opinion

The convention/device of using a shift in tense to denote changes in perception, like dreams, visions, etc. is not uncommon. Comments saying the shift itself is incorrect are not considering its use as device. However, the text as written shifts within the same paragraph, in an attempt to mimic the slow waking of the character, but this is possibly being lost on the readers and is likely disorienting. I would keep the dreams as a different tense but make the transition sharper. For example, starting that transition paragraph with “I wake” so that it’s immediately clear the change in tense goes with that change in state of consciousness.


#67

Yes, exactly hahaha thank you for realizing this distinction. I did look back and realize I started that paragraph with ‘I woke’ and changed that to wake


#68

I’ll add the work to the queue. I note that it’s poetry format and checked to see that they are short individual poems, so I’ll start with 4 parts at least.


#69

K Thanks!


#70

I hope you’re still offering :smile:
Wattpad Username: @Crysta_Levere
Current title of work to be critiqued: VITALITY
URL for the main navigation page of the work to be critiqued: https://www.wattpad.com/story/163300238-vitality
Chapters/parts for this request: First 2
Wattpad Category for the work: Romance
Type(s) of feedback requested: First impressions, intrigue, clarity, flow, descriptions, exposition, inner musings, characters
Any type(s) of feedback not wanted: none
Anything else? no


#71

FORM


#72

Wattpad Username: AnneMcKae
Current title of work to be critiqued: Haunted Rayne
URL: https://www.wattpad.com/story/161858036-haunted-rayne
Chapters/parts for this request: Prologue and 2 chapters
Wattpad Category for the work: Paranormal
Type(s) of feedback requested: Character Development, Plot Progression. It is a Paranormal Mystery, so I would love to know if I have set up the story during the first two chapters in a way that stimulates intrigue and… mystery. lol
Any type(s) of feedback not wanted: Naw, I’m a big girl, I can handle it lol.
Anything else: If you happen to have any advice on tags to aid visibility in a paranormal mystery, hit a girl up haha XD


#73

Hey. I’m interested for you to critique my story. I have a question before asking you to reserve me a spot for you to critique on. My new story is unpublished, and it is still under the drafts. I was wondering if you critique drafts in terms of telling me if the story is worth publishing or it is worthless that it should be thrown down the drain. That’s all for now. Thank you i will wait for your response. And if you will accept to critique my story, is it okay if u may wait for me to do the finishing touches of my draft, then send it to you anytime for the critique??thanks so much for your time


#74

And if you may reply me through PM, it will be very helpful for me, because im more accessible through PM, so thank u in advance…but if you can’t reply through PM, it is totally fine~~ I just want to let you know


#75

Thanks in advance :slight_smile:


#76

Author: @dAYoFtHEdECAF
Current title of work to be critiqued: “Tom Boy”
URL for the main navigation page of the work to be critiqued: https://www.wattpad.com/story/168182827-dom-com
Title: “Tom Boy”
Chapters/parts:“Prologue” to “Morning Service” (short prologue and first three chapters = 6,500 words)
Wattpad Category for the work: Mystery
Type(s) of feedback requested: Nothing in particular
Any type(s) of fiction not wanted: There is a slight amount of mature content.
Anything else? No, this is much appreciated.


#77

Wattpad Username: jgrace2197
Current title of work to be critiqued: The Legend of the Moonflower Princess
URL for the main navigation page of the work to be critiqued:https://www.wattpad.com/659085416-the-legend-of-the-moonflower-princess-where-a
Chapters/parts for this request: chapters 1-3
Wattpad Category for the work: Fantasy, Epic Fantasy
Type(s) of feedback requested: no preference (likes, dislikes, etc.)
Any type(s) of feedback not wanted: any type of feedback is great!
Anything else?: I have 15 chapters already, so if you like my story, feel free to keep on reading!


#78

Wattpad Username: viitasaari
Current title of work to be critiqued: dear percocet, i don’t think we should see each other anymore.
URL for the main navigation page of the work to be critiqued: https://www.wattpad.com/story/167195621-dear-percocet-i-don’t-think-we-should-see-each
Chapters/parts for this request: whatever you feel like reading, honestly. at least the first two chapters, excluding the preface/cw, if you don’t mind.
Wattpad Category for the work: YA
Type(s) of feedback requested: fiction, please!
Any type(s) of feedback not wanted: n/a
Anything else: could you please leave your review as a comment on the preface? pms are tricky and don’t always work on my computer for some reason. thank you so much for doing this! i really appreciate it!


#79

Wattpad Username: strawberpcy
Current title of work to be critiqued: Art of Stealing
URL for the main navigation page of the work to be critiqued: https://www.wattpad.com/story/171302162-art-of-stealing
Chapters/parts for this request: Chap 1-3 (Approx. 2k words each)
Wattpad Category for the work: Fanfiction
Type(s) of feedback requested: Literally anything. This is my first time writing any type of story so I have zero experience. Any kind of feedback is much appreciated!

Thank you!


#80

Hi, I posted quite a while back, but it may have gotten lost in the shuffle of the holidays.
Author: @dAYoFtHEdECAF
Current title of work to be critiqued: “Tom Boy”
URL for the main navigation page of the work to be critiqued: https://www.wattpad.com/story/168182827-dom-com
Title: “Tom Boy”
Chapters/parts:“Prologue” to “Morning Service” (short prologue and first three chapters = 6,500 words)
Wattpad Category for the work: Mystery
Type(s) of feedback requested: Nothing in particular
Any type(s) of fiction not wanted: There is a slight amount of mature content.
Anything else? No, this is much appreciated.


#81

Hi,

Yes, I did fall behind on Wattpad activities during the various holidays. My family has a lot of holidays + birthdays near end/beginning of year.

I’ve just updated the queue now and am going to go start reading. :slight_smile: