l a z i ☾ r i t i q u e s "KPOP"--[CLOSED]

K-POP Fanfics—Constructive Criticism & Feedback

I’ll read the first 2-5 chapters to your story and give you my HONEST reaction, HONEST thoughts, and HONEST critique. Why only 2-5? In most cases, all it takes is ONE hook or ONE chapter to make or break your story. I am not a professional, but I am well-experienced enough to detect the major things that will mess up a good read and a few details for you to pay attention to, to grow in your writing. I could also link reference sites to help as well.

Service Payment(s): A little mention (if you benefited from my critique) would be nice :heavy_heart_exclamation:

I refuse to read your story if it has A LOT OF:

  • Smut–(a moderate amount is fine)

  • Angst–(I rather avoid the super depressing or traumatic back stories in particular)

  • BL/GL–(It’s weird. I’ll read BL manga/webcomics all day but I won’t read it in fanfics)

Is this just for BTS fics or original stories too?

Honestly, I’m more used to reading BTS fics, but I’m a multi-fandom kpop stan first and foremost, so if you have any other idols that you write for, you can send them on through. Let me know if that answers your question or not. If not, then elaborate for me.

Sub—this is actually really cool

Wait what’s cool? lml :thinking:

That I can find a thread where K-pop fanfictions are critiqued. Seriously, not everyone accepts them.

Yeah, that’s why I decided to be the one to do it. And if you find a place that doesn’t mind accepting them, there’s a long waiting list. But yeah, I’m willing to do this for anyone wants to have them read.

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Good. Before I submit a request, I’d like to warn you: my story is written in dialogue/script format, so I don’t know if you’re familiar with this particular format.

Sorry it took so long for me to reply. I had work :weary: It’s not something I’m familiar with, no, but I’ll give it my best shot :heart:

Okay. Thx for the info.

Here is the link of the story: Loneliness (Musings and Mistresses #1)

A TWICE fan fiction. It does not require thorough knowledge of the group or the fandom, but if you know them, it’s even better.

Currently it has eight chapters.

Hey, sorry again, I had work late again. I love TWICE!! :weary:ugly cries One of my fave girl groups~:heart::heart::heart: By the way, as I said before, I’m not so familiar with the script format, so I’ll just focus on the story, character portrayal, etc. But definitely let me know if there’s anything specific that you want me to focus on, too.

That’s fine. Thx for the pointers.

So I decided to read the first two chapters. And there was somewhat an overall problem with what I read.

Well, I’ll start by saying that I wasn’t put off by the beginning of the first chapter, but I didn’t notice that the dialogue between the girls is a little stiff and weird. I’m not sure if English is your native language or not, but if it’s not, then, it’s not too bad. However, it’s still easy to tell that you’re having a bit of trouble making the conversations flow properly, and even realistically.

There’s also your grammar. I’ve found words that didn’t seem to belong where they were placed. For example, in the first chapter, when Chayeoung is talking, at the end of the sentence, there’s the word, “huh.” It doesn’t fit with the sentence. She’s not asking a question, nor is she realizing anything.

With your tenses, I feel like you’re overall tense is past tense, but it seems like you threw in the future tense. For example, when Chaeyoung was responding to Sana and said: "I walked down the aisle in my pyjamas…And she even tries to chase after me!" It should have been “tried” instead. As a side note, the word pyjamas, is actually spelled pajamas; and the elipsis (…) you used, wasn’t really necessary, I don’t feel like. You could have just replaced it with a period.

For Dahyung’s lines, it says, “she doesn’t know the woman, but she already doesn’t like her.” I guess it’s something you could say, but then, at this point, it already sounds like they’re definitely fated to meet the girl. It would be more natural for you to say something like: *She sounds like a weirdo. I hope we don’t run into her again." Just imagine a realistic scenario of your friends or you reacting to a stranger coming up to you or them with a weird or unsettling conversation. Chances are, you’d never see that person again, or at least if you know you’re living or have more chances to see them, you’d try to avoid them afterward.

So I overall, I think you should try looking towards yourself, and even others, to get more realistic conversations in your story. I wish I could’ve gone more in depth with this, but I didn’t have much to work with given the format :persevere:

I’ll also leave a reference for you to check out. Hopefully, it could help you. You also have the option of taking fun quizzes on this site, so that you could better your grammar.

https://www.grammar-monster.com/lessons/pronouns_different_types.htm#none

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Thank you for the pointers! Indeed, English isn’t my first language. Although I wrote this story only for fun, I’ll still try and work on dialogues, as well as grammar.

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hi! not sure if you’re still opened since it looks like the thread will close soon but i have a bts au i just started if you’re up for a critique! (if not, i totally get it) there’s only two chapters up and they’re both around 1k in length!

https://www.wattpad.com/story/185853475-interrogation-↬-bts

Sorry for the late reply. Of course, I’m up to critiquing your story! I’ll get right on it.

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no problem! take your time :smile:

Let me start things off by saying, you genuinely got me invested in this story. It’s not every day that you get investigation fics like this. I like that there are things actually going on, and important conversations, even if small, are being had. The AU for your story is the type that has great potential if done correctly, and I already really like the path you’re going down with it. I think you hve what it take to make this story great.

Your brief description of Mr. CHoi got me interested in him like he was a love interest or something lml :sweat_smile:

In chapter two, I wasn’t sure how you were gonna go about it before reading because there are times where author’s first chapter is good, but the second chapter will fall flat for different reasons. With the first paragraph, of Namjoon speaking, got me eager for the chapter. Scratch that, when I read: “Suspect 1#: Seokjin:triumph: Either you did you research really well, or you have a real good feel for how the whole crime/mystery type scene. Either way, it felt real and went relatively swell.

The questions throughout the chapter are well thought out. With them going back and forth like that, I really wanted to know what kind of answer Seokjin was going to give. Continuing on with the dialogue, I saw absolutely nothing wrong with it, but I did feel like the Chapter as a whole was lacking a bit. And by that, I meant the lack of narration.

I would have LOVED to see some narration every now and then in between their conversation. Just to see your take on their surroundings inside that room. More than anything, all there is to interrogation is just a back and forth conversation, but that’s not all that’s going on. AND THERE’S SO MUCH TO TALK ABOUT! :tired_face:

Like for example, Seokjin can become fidgety in there chair. Right there, you can talk about where they’re having those fidgets, in their toes, in their hands, on their neck, or even their torso. You can talk about how uncomfortably hard the chair feels. Or how chilled the table feels. And facial expressions are just as important, like Seokjin’s famous eyes blinking when he gets hungry. What does Seokjin hear? Maybe a buzzing headlamp or dead silence. What does he smell? Are his eyes wandering around the room? The exact same goes for Namjoon. Bring is deep into your imagination. You already got us past the first chapter. But of course, do your descriptions in moderation and not in one shot, or else you’ll quickly run out of things to write about early ahead. Keep the super small stuff brief, like what might be in the background, and work on what’s in the foreground.

For your grammar, I didn’t see anything wrong. At all. Your ellipsis’ and hyphens were properly placed and not misused, which made it even more of a nice and easy read. Usually, I see people go awol and just hold the period until they get the right amount of ‘pause effect’ for their characters. Or they’ll overdo stuttering in their’s characters speech and make them seem like they have some kind speech impediment. I think you I counted only two stutters from Seokjin?:clap::clap:

I’m honestly really looking forward to seeing how the rest of the memb–suspect :wink: interrogations go. Personally, I’m very, VERY picky when it comes to the fics that I read. I legit only have 2 in my library (which means I’m eagerly waiting for an update or just need to keep track of it closely). But your story is definitely going to be the 3rd one to be added to the list. Thanks for giving me a good read. I’ll really be looking out for the rest of the chapters :hearts:

Here’s a list of gestures and body language for the characters: https://www.bryndonovan.com/2015/04/10/master-list-of-gestures-and-body-language-for-writers/

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thank you for your feedback! i really appreciate it! and yes i see what you mean. i’m definitely planning on incorporating more action/gestures (through the dialogue though since i want to be consistent with the transcript format). but narration and normal prose will be back every once in a while as well! :smile: thanks again!

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No probs, glad I could be of help :relaxed::+1: