Let me start things off by saying, you genuinely got me invested in this story. It’s not every day that you get investigation fics like this. I like that there are things actually going on, and important conversations, even if small, are being had. The AU for your story is the type that has great potential if done correctly, and I already really like the path you’re going down with it. I think you hve what it take to make this story great.
Your brief description of Mr. CHoi got me interested in him like he was a love interest or something lml
In chapter two, I wasn’t sure how you were gonna go about it before reading because there are times where author’s first chapter is good, but the second chapter will fall flat for different reasons. With the first paragraph, of Namjoon speaking, got me eager for the chapter. Scratch that, when I read: “Suspect 1#: Seokjin” Either you did you research really well, or you have a real good feel for how the whole crime/mystery type scene. Either way, it felt real and went relatively swell.
The questions throughout the chapter are well thought out. With them going back and forth like that, I really wanted to know what kind of answer Seokjin was going to give. Continuing on with the dialogue, I saw absolutely nothing wrong with it, but I did feel like the Chapter as a whole was lacking a bit. And by that, I meant the lack of narration.
I would have LOVED to see some narration every now and then in between their conversation. Just to see your take on their surroundings inside that room. More than anything, all there is to interrogation is just a back and forth conversation, but that’s not all that’s going on. AND THERE’S SO MUCH TO TALK ABOUT!
Like for example, Seokjin can become fidgety in there chair. Right there, you can talk about where they’re having those fidgets, in their toes, in their hands, on their neck, or even their torso. You can talk about how uncomfortably hard the chair feels. Or how chilled the table feels. And facial expressions are just as important, like Seokjin’s famous eyes blinking when he gets hungry. What does Seokjin hear? Maybe a buzzing headlamp or dead silence. What does he smell? Are his eyes wandering around the room? The exact same goes for Namjoon. Bring is deep into your imagination. You already got us past the first chapter. But of course, do your descriptions in moderation and not in one shot, or else you’ll quickly run out of things to write about early ahead. Keep the super small stuff brief, like what might be in the background, and work on what’s in the foreground.
For your grammar, I didn’t see anything wrong. At all. Your ellipsis’ and hyphens were properly placed and not misused, which made it even more of a nice and easy read. Usually, I see people go awol and just hold the period until they get the right amount of ‘pause effect’ for their characters. Or they’ll overdo stuttering in their’s characters speech and make them seem like they have some kind speech impediment. I think you I counted only two stutters from Seokjin?
I’m honestly really looking forward to seeing how the rest of the memb–suspect interrogations go. Personally, I’m very, VERY picky when it comes to the fics that I read. I legit only have 2 in my library (which means I’m eagerly waiting for an update or just need to keep track of it closely). But your story is definitely going to be the 3rd one to be added to the list. Thanks for giving me a good read. I’ll really be looking out for the rest of the chapters
Here’s a list of gestures and body language for the characters: https://www.bryndonovan.com/2015/04/10/master-list-of-gestures-and-body-language-for-writers/