LOL35 Writing group for women writers aged 35+


#1567

Oh–definitely. Some vision is important. Fuzzy goals produce fuzzy results. I guess by “let go of the outcomes” what I really mean is to not obsess over a specific outcome as the only measure of success/happiness. Sometimes what we truly want the most is something we currently don’t know we want (did you follow that last sentence… hahahaha). So “if” I can let go of my grip on the outcome–I open myself up to all the possibilities life has to offer.

Yeah–I have my zen moments. But like you said–sometimes it’s a struggle to be struggle-free!!!


#1568

I’ve been working really hard on “balance.” To do this, I’ve discovered I have to let go of my fixation that I need to be brilliant or talented at something before I die (this goes back to the letting go of outcomes thing). I may not be able to invest the time/energy/networking/etc. that’s needed to build a brilliant writing career. BUT–in exchange for that, I’ve created more memories with my aging parents, gone on some dates, improved my health at the gym, built stronger relationships with friends, found time to travel, etc, etc, etc.

So to answer your question–YES! I’ve limited my time on social media and replaced that time with other things. Like I told @paulapdx, I probably won’t be known for being brilliant at anything. But maybe–just maybe–I can one day say I was brilliant at living a balanced life. :slight_smile:


#1569

Amen, sister! Letting go and being open to what life has to bring you! So few people even attempt that, and for that you are already brilliant!


#1570

Daaawh!
I. Heart. You.

Wattpad girls night this summer!?!?! :wink:


#1571

Yes, very lucky. I had him for 20 years, and my old mare for 30. I’ve still got my mares, mother and daughter. But my barn feels empty without him.


#1572

@KAJordan2 These are the digital delivery rates for Amazon US, not India.

My grandmother lost her horse to a heat-stroke :frowning:


#1573

It happens, especially as they get older. For as large and strong as they are, they are also amazingly fragile.

I was able to put up a loafing shed last year, which helped a lot. He would cool off, graze a bit and cool off again. Usually I got them in the stalls by noon, and let them out again by dark.


#1574

Yes, most of us had no clue…Then I decided that I’d be an educated investor. For a few years, I read annual reports and kept up with results and occasionally even listened to conference calls, but it is a pain. How long can you do that? I’m going to sell all my stocks.

I always dream of a house in the countryside, with wildlife sightings, miles and miles to cycle and walk…and good Internet access :stuck_out_tongue:

One of the good things about India is the low cost of living. Most middle-class people have a great lifestyle with several maids to take care of the chores (we don’t, but we’re an exception)…You can eat out, you can join a gym, even medical care is affordable.
Most Indians like to hoard assets, so rents are also cheap. Buying a house is unthinkable for most people. But despite the poor rental yield, the upper class keeps buying houses and giving them on rent :smiley:
Yes, you often get frustrated with the poor infra, overcrowding, HORRIBLE town planning, the red tape…But it’s cheap to live here.


#1575

This! Yes! I am in that same sapce and also trying to ease off social media in a way that allows me to still be “visible” without being too dependent on platforms that are using our data and manipulating our views, etc. I don’t want to be part of that. I recently got off Facebook and Twitter…but then I decided I had to have a Twitter account, at least. My Facebook was too personal, and I didn’t find having an author page to be helpful, really. I may one day have to open a new Facebook “author” profile, but I’m hoping it doesn’t have to happen. For now I’m going to concentrate on Wattpad and my website (which has been on hiatus, really, while I’ve been finishing the ghostwriting project.)

How is everyone doing???


#1576

I love this conversation. Letting go of outcomes is something I’m working on daily!


#1577

I don’t have a maid too. And I’m actually pitied for it :joy: People are like "Oh, you don’t have a domestic help? Why? You can afford a maid, so why don’t you hire one? When I explain that I love doing chores by myself [and they double up as exercise as well], I get sympathy and pity [that Poor Girl kinda thingy] :wink:


#1578

It makes me so happy to see I’m not alone in all of this!!!


#1579

One of the things I tend to do on the December Solstice is a release/renewal ritual (or you can just call it an exercise). I’ll write down all the things that no longer serve me (such as that whole attachment to outcome), then I burn that paper. After that, I write down all the things I want to bring in to replace what I let go. That gets tucked away until the next year when I can reflect on the year before. Sometimes, I do this during the year and release just one or two things I’m struggling with and bring in what I really want. It’s not really about doing the ritual, per se, but about reminding myself to take care of me.


#1581

I have a yearly thing that I do too. A list of things I want to let go of is part of it. I think of it as an inventory of good things and silly stuff that needs to change. I come from a family of hoarders, so I literally have STUFF that needs to get purged out of my life.

This little farm has been such a wonderful place. I call it a Croft because it’s just five acres. Not so much wildlife since the fields around us are heavily cultivated with herbicides and pesticides. But I’ve got my horses, alpacas, ducks, geese and chickens, so it’s a busy place.

My grandfather always said that real estate is the best investment. So far, this farm has been the best choice we made.


#1582

We are all in this together. I actually just read a fantastic piece in the London Review of Books called The Communal Mind by Patricia Lockwood. It was swoony writing, for one thing, but the topic is spot on to this discussion, now we connect our minds into this thing called the internet and then whoosh! She said it much better, lol. https://www.lrb.co.uk/v41/n04/patricia-lockwood/the-communal-mind


#1583

I LOVE the solstice ceremony you describe.


#1584

We always hear the stories about the “winners” especially the “pull yourself up by the bootstrap winners” in the U.S. For several years I’ve been thinking about the losers. I think we can create wonderful lives even if we don’t “succeed” at the thing we most want to accomplish. I’m in a writing group that simply gets together and reads from our work once a month. We all listen and clap and it sparks discussion. It’s the most satisfying thing other than the writing (which is also frustrating and plain ol’ hard work!)


#1586

Yes, true…We need to let go of outcomes. When I started working out, I was in such bad shape that every day I’d get disappointed at how little I could do. Sometimes I thought that my efforts were making things worse. It took a year of struggle to finally see some results. In fact I had just given up by then and accepted my limitations. Maybe that is what changed things. Because then I set my own benchmarks instead of relying on google. I stopped getting stress injuries and built some real strength.


#1587

Reminds me of the quote “Do your best and leave the rest to God.”


#1588

Sounds so simple, but is so hard to do! Because humans = control freaks :smiley: