LOL35 Writing group for women writers aged 35+


#1589

Focus on what you can DO. You can’t control the outcome. But you can control the quality of the product you produce, the research you do to identify the best way to market, what marketing you do, and so forth.


#1590

Agree with you :slight_smile: But there are times we can’t control the outcome, even when we have tried our best. It’s in times like these, we have to learn to ‘let it go.’ And be patient with ourselves in the process. It’s really hard, to be honest. But doable.


#1591

Well said :clap:


#1592

This applies to so many things in my life. “Let go and Let God” is the way I learned it. I’m not a religious person, but living this close to nature, it’s hard to not see the flow of the seasons and not feel a part of something.

Also, for me, it’s about taking each day as it comes. Doing what I can today to make tomorrow better. When I was younger I could do grand projects, not so much any more, I can do smaller projects that give me good results.

I think we are all brainwashed to feel that we have to make grand accomplishments in order to be ‘successful’ which always means we need huge amounts of money and status. It’s kind of a masculine way of looking at life. “Let’s go be a firework!”

I don’t feel that way, not even about my books, I’ve got a lot to do in a day. The books are part of that.


#1593

I’d happily trade huge amounts of money with a healthy, peaceful lifestyle.


#1594

I love the way you stated this and smiled about the firework. Maybe a nice, small, warm, cozy fire instead?


#1595

What a wonderful story, Ann. It’s actually very touching to hear this. Thank you for sharing.

@Nablai @AnnWrites @XimeraGrey @KAJordan2 @ShelleyBurbank

These:

*“Do your best and leave the rest to God.”*
YES!!!
Sounds so simple, but is so hard to do! Because humans = control freaks :smiley:
YES!!
I think we are all brainwashed to feel that we have to make grand accomplishments in order to be ‘successful’ which always means we need huge amounts of money and status. It’s kind of a masculine way of looking at life. “Let’s go be a firework!”

SO MANY YESSES!!!

What an awesome conversation. I feel blessed to be a part of it. And more than that, hearing this kind of stuff really helps me deal with the fact that I just made a horifying blooper.

Listen to this ladies – I just sent an email to an old co-worker using his work email, and talked to him about our boss, and how things are going at work (and they’re not going well), and IT WAS AUTO-FORWARDED TO MY BOSS!!!

:sob::sob::sob::sob::sob::sob::sob::sob::sob::scream::scream::scream::scream::scream::scream::scream::scream::exploding_head::exploding_head::exploding_head::weary::weary::woman_facepalming::woman_facepalming::woman_facepalming::woman_facepalming::woman_facepalming:

One day at a time. Let go and let God. Focus on what you can do, not the outcome. Breath. Don’t forget to breathe. And start looking for your next job. hahahah!!!

:sob::sob::sob::sob::sob::sob::sob::sob::sob::sob::scream::scream::scream::scream::cold_sweat::cold_sweat::cold_sweat::cold_sweat::poop::poop::poop::poop::poop::poop::poop::tired_face::tired_face:


#1596

Ohhhh, that sucks. I’m so sorry!


#1597

That’s really, very, mean of him, Shalom :angry:
[Tightest Hugs] :hugs: for you. I’m sure that every thing will work out. I suggest going to your boss and telling him the truth. Just state all the facts. I’m sure he’ll understand…


#1598

My co-worker didn’t do it. It was just auto-forwarded because he doesn’t use that email account anymore because he stopped working there in January…

It is such a crazy tragic comedy. I don’t know whether to laugh my head off or jump from the nearest bridge… I can’t believe this happened!!! :sob::woman_facepalming::poop:

Yes, I sent an email asking to meet him for a chat on Thursday (my next day at work). My only hope is that he sees it’s a personal email and decides not to read it. Which he might do… maybe? possibly? (I hope!)


#1599

Keeping my fingers tightly crossed :crossed_fingers: My best wishes are always with you, my friend :slight_smile:


#1600

Oh dear,
but this sort of thing happens to EVERYBODY in some form or other. Question: Do you have to talk to your boss (how bad is what you said)? Can somebody retrieve the email for you? If not, how did you phrase your mail. Was it something along the lines what I send to hubby about my boss. “imagine what the arrogant tosser has now come up with to mask his incompetence.”
That would not be so good. In that case only candidness can save you.
But as I said - this type of doggie-doo happens to all of us
Well - not to the arrogant tossers of this world


#1601

I was actually pretty tactful THANK GOD. That is the only bit of grace in this. But I did describe the situation at work and explained how I’m struggling. I also described some of my bosses behaviours that are particularly troubling (he’s very stressed and is taking it out on us). I also mentioned that I’m considering quitting…

I guess in some ways it’s kind of like… gah, I guess you know, like maybe some of these things needed to be said, but I NEVER would have said them this way.

Yes, I feel like this moment has been in a million comedy movies. I felt like someone punched me in the gut when I got the auto-responder saying my co-worker was no longer at this address and the email had been forwarded to my boss! FUCK!! Seriously, like a punch in the gut. I stood up and screamed “NOOOOOOOOOO!!!”


#1602

That sounds a lot more homey.

OMG! This is horrifying. Breath is right!

Don’t they have a Recall Function for emergencies like this?


#1603

I was hoping you’d been tactful. You’re not the impulsive type. Hopefully, your boss won’t over-react to it. It might even change things for the better, because you had reached out to someone for help, so even though you said you considered quitting, you wanted to get some perspective.
You never know how a person will react. Depends a lot on the situation/ mood. Hope you found someone else to talk to, since this coworker had already quit (wonder why?? same issues you’re facing??)

We need a Recall function, a memory eraser and a time machine, pronto!


#1604

Then this is a good opportunity to take the bull by the horns. If you phrased it respectfully, you can say okay, this was not for your eyes. But given that you saw it …xxxx (do you know whether he has opened the mail?)
It’s annoying but by no means a disaster!


#1605

If you were tactful, he might react differently than you expect. We have this communicator at work (like an instant messenger) and sometimes, you chat with several co-workers at once. My friend Julie was talking to me and my boss (who was her skip-level manager) and accidentally typed in his window, though it was intended for me, “oh my god, I think Andrew hates me” and sent it to him.

Andrew was flattened. He called me into his office and was beside himself what he could have possibly done to trigger such a statement from Julie. It flushed out a lot of issues and he really took it to heart and tried to improve his behavior.

The company than started this thing called 360 degree feedback where subordinates rated their managers once a year (anonymous to the manager but visible to HR). A lot of the top dogs had to take leadership and sensitivity training after that. One manager quit because he didn’t like to be criticized.

Maybe you get lucky and things will actually change for the better :slight_smile:


#1606

You seem to have a pretty decent boss. We just had a staff survey (anonymous) where we could also comment on our superior and his results were so bad, they dragged down the whole Directorate. He gets called in by HR, to discuss teh way ahead.
His response apparently was (HR was so pissed off about it, the chap in charge told the three comms managers).

  • I’m a fabulous manager. Always have been
  • I delegate, I give people a chance to “prove themselves”
  • If they now don’t like me, something is wrong with the team, and they can just leave.

He has refused to implement any measures. As he is the crony of the top honcho, he gets away with murder.


#1607

Wtf… Comes across as an arrogant, stuck-up person with a weird sense of accomplishment.

Looks like his motto is “My way or the highway.”


#1608

My other manager Mike was like that, but even he caved in when he got horrible ratings from his subordinates in the 360 review (the company meant business – I guess it comes with huge multinational territory). They made him take a training on better communication with the result that he developed this drilling stare that always made you wonder if he learned how to read your mind, lol.

The training nevertheless tamed him. On an a$$hole scale, he went from 10 to a solid 6.