Looking for alternative universes (quarter of age crisis) - Looking for life advice

Hi there!

I want some life advice on my quarter of age crisis. So, I am 26 years old, I have my own home (that I bought with my BF and I am paying), I have a great job and I will start a new one that is even better in 3 weeks and I am engage to be married next year. It all sounds great, right? But nooooo…

I understand that depression and mental health doesn’t choose people, and I have dealt with it before but my issue is not that this time. My issue is that I feel like my life is too perfect, like someone (the cultural pressure) choose it for me and I just went for it. Sometimes I just want to quit my job, sell my house, break up my engagement and go to Korea or to Japan and start it all over.

I love my life, it is what I ever wanted but I just wanted to try a different one… like an alternative universe in which I could do all the other stuff I want to try without loosing my current one.

HELP MEEE!

maybe there is a middle ground

How?

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well, maybe, you can still do all the things you want to do with your family

Here’s your problem- you think your current life keeps you from

Why?

Short of getting stupidly drunk, doped, and/or irresponsible, why not do what you want? I can sympathize though, sometimes I don’t feel like doing certain things because it feels like I’m being watched too closely by nosy neighbors, or my badgering elderly mother :joy:.

If your fiancée doesn’t want to accompany you, go yourself. If you want the life you want, you have to find the determination and strength to live it.

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I can’t just go and live in another country without him, and he can’t move away because he loves his job here.

Besides that another example is falling in love. I have already found my better half but I miss the feeling of falling in love (that is really different from being in love). And I don’t mean I would cheat or anything like that, so it would take an alternative universe to solve my issue ahahah

So take mini-vacations. Keep wooing him even though you’ve already won him. Do little romantic things.

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Maybe you’re having pre-nuptial jitters :speak_no_evil:

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Ah I’m 25 and I kinda feel where you’re going. I was the same in college. I was in my last year and I was, there, like almost there but then I don’t know I just started to feel like it was all perfect because I was going with the floww, doing what others thought I was supposed to be doing, I always had someone to rely on. There were also factors too and it lead to depression and mental health. I guess I just wanted to let people know that I’m not always perfect, that I too have flaws and I can make mistakes and can learn from them. Every body is different, and have their own pace and timing. It took me some time to accept myself and it gave me a reality check. So I started all over again, went back home with an incomplete degree, didn’t work for a year just lazing around, then I got a teaching job for 3 years till now. I’ve built myself up again, though I’m still the same couch potato but I know what I want to do. I have a purpose, maybe not the perfect plan but it’s an adventure, a risk I’m going to take. For you, it’s different because you have your own home, a lifelong career, and about to get married. Talk to your boyfriend. I dont have experience with relationship, but communication is key. It’s probably you’re afraid of not doing things you’ve always wanted to do once you’re settled, but I don’t think that’s the case. You can still do them together in a new chapter in your life! Your adventure never ends after you get married. You can do it together with your family.

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From the perspective of someone who’s 50+

You grew up, lol.

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Sure. Haha I’m still the same and people look at me as if I’m still 14. :sweat_smile:

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It took my nephew and his high school sweetheart until their second child, and switching between living with each other’s parents, before he got his act together and grew up. Now they have their own house, third child, have their act together, and are doing well. It’s a frightening/frustrating thing, sometimes, realizing you aren’t a child anymore, that you have wings and can fly. Once you realize that, it’s only natural to want to test those wings.

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Thank you for your thoughts! I guess you are right. It is the fear of growing up. Not in the sense of responsibility but in the sense of not going back, getting settle

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Maybe!! Do you know the cure? I really wanted to be engaged and I am really happy planning the wedding but maybe you have a point… getting settle is kind of scary

I agree with Multijoys one does not nullify the other but also maybe it’s just cold feet-you say you miss falling in love feeling or excitement of life but really, you can have both. Seek it out-start small maybe little things or a weekend doing xyz and soon you’ll have momentum and balance

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Can so relate to this tho really I had the same idea if not worse /marriage/settle down =death -my pov at one time. There are some adjusments to make, but not in terms of quality and fun. For real

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It seems to me that you’ve got it good.
I’m 50+. Being in my 20s was hard. I worked part-time jobs, no real career. I didn’t own a house and didn’t have a boyfriend/fiancee/husband. The hard part is making decisions that will affect the rest of your life, and for me, that was coupled for the most part with no opportunity.
When I did meet the man I married, making a decision was even harder. He had a degenerative disease that eventually killed him. I had to decide if I wanted to sign on for the experience of being with him as his disease progressed.
I’m not sure what advice to give you. I came down with mono in the middle of making the decisions. I suspect that the stress made me vulnerable to the virus. My fiancee didn’t have it that I know of and I didn’t pass it on to him.

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Are you married now?

Oh God. Your story does make it everything into perspective. I really really appreciate your input and I feel you are one of those movie like heroes.

I know I have a perfect live and I am not complaining at all! It is just the pain of growing up and settling, feeling like you are making life term decisions is scary. Nowadays courses and jobs are not like that any more so it was not so scary for me, but marrying is a totally different thing. I cant imagine how it will be once I decide to have kids.

Did you have children with you husband?

The cure is simple- live. It sounds almost ridiculous, but it really is the answer. Make the most of every day, never lose that child-like wonder, live for yourself while participating in a relationship- and that is the other part of the equation.

No longer are you living for yourself. It’s easy to believe you will lose yourself in these new circumstances. Remember that your life is yours, and no less valuable or important than anyone else’s. The idea isn’t to put someone first, but to put someone first while they put you first. It also doesn’t have to be 50/50. Different household chores might be 20/80, 40/60… as long as they equal 100. Giving to much or having someone demand more than you can give, where it’s under or over balanced, can contribute to feeling nervous. Talk to your other half. No one is a mind-reader.

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