matcha critiquing: how to get past the superficial side of Wattpad

question
discussion
critiques
help
feedback
#1

I promise you that when we’re through, your book will be irresistible to anyone.

Did that hook you? Are you interested? I hope it did.
That’s the power of the first sentence for you.

Hello! My name’s Tessa Miyazaki, lovely to meet you all!
I’m the head of the matcha editors’ company, est. 2019.

so, let’s set things straight, right here, right now:
We, as Wattpad readers, are all too superficial for our own good. (and please do NOT tell me that I’m wrong; I assure you that if you contradict me, you are too superficial to see within yourself.)
We see the cover and the synopsis. Maybe we’ll see the first sentence. Maybe we’ll even go to the second paragraph.
But if we aren’t quickly hooked, it’s over. That’s it.

S O L U T I O N:
I’m offering this quick bite-size editing deal for all of you who see this message. (A flash sale of sorts.)
If you want critiquing help, reply to this thread with your first sentence. No more, no less. I’ll tell you what I think as well as how I think you should improve it, and then I’ll score it (your standard A-F range).
If this thread overflows, I will shut it down, so this will be first-come, first-serve.
I will get back to you within a few days if you reply.

P A Y M E N T:
a follow for the company (@matchaeditorscompany) and to @teamiyazaki .

I N T E R E S T E D?
If you’d like long term critiquing, we offer that too—though as a separate company service.
Reply to this thread if you’d like more information and mark your reply with an asterisk (*). If you would like to talk separately, PM or email us @matchaeditorscompany (on wattpad) or @ thematchaeditorscompany@gmail.com

alternatively, if you’re ready, here’s the Google form:

good luck writing!
matcha love, t

#2

“There’s a vampire in my attic.”

(Now I realize it’s really short lol).

#3

Hi, is there a form?

#4

Screaming and yelling cut through the air like lightning. A discomforting atmosphere clouded the Fire Temple; there was something dark, something sinister at play. - Frozen Flame

#5

Keep your face neutral, look smart, be confident. Be focused, wait for your cue-
“Mpemba effect.” I heard Allison whisper in my ear.
-slam the button and give the answer.

(Can you rate this based on 1-10 instead of A-F, that doesn’t really make sense to me)
*Also, I’m interested in the long-term critique!

#6

score: B-
(passing, but barely)

G O O D:

  • not your everyday setting, is it?
  • I like the matter-of-fact tone—it makes it seem like it’s an everyday occurrence and you want to know more

B A D:

  • It’s much too short—not enough to convince your reader that something interesting about to happen
  • It’s simultaneously cliche & not cliche; the situation is not cliche but its delivery makes it cliche
  • There’s not enough information involved and it seems like any other vampire story @ the moment

S U G G E S T I O N S:

  • extend your sentence; add descriptors/adjectives/adverbs that single out this scenario and make it unique
  • do keep the matter-of-fact tone, but make sure it doesn’t get too impersonal
  • Add an action/reaction from someone; an opinion or thought or something that suggests something is going to happen and gives us a small taste of where this story is headed

*none of this should be taken personally (please don’t!) and whether or not you accept these criticisms is up to you. happy writing!

matcha love, t

#7

for one-liner critiques, I can make a form if that would be of more convenience to you—but no form is required; you can just reply to this thread.
If you’re looking for the long-term editing, there is a Google form.
Let me know which one you’re looking for and I’ll get back to you.

matcha love, t

#8

Thx for the info

#9

grade: C (you have barely passed)

G O O D:

  • I like the simile; it’s definitely different from what you would typically compare a scream to.

B A D:

  • Even though the sentence is literally “this is not cliche”, unfortunately that sentence also screams cliche in big bold letters. Your efforts to be different have resulted in conformity.
  • “something sinister” is too vague—it’s not interesting and I have no reason to care about why this sinister thing is happening
  • do not mention obscure locations that we don’t know about yet; that only serves to alienate the reader

S U G G E S T I O N S:

  • You could definitely expand upon that simile—I would keep it
  • be more specific about what this sinister thing is; although you do want to maintain a certain level of mystery, you cannot be so vague as to sound like a cliche/trope
  • “discomforting” is a nice word—but how is it discomforting? How does that atmosphere make the character in question feel? sensations: touch, taste, hear, smell, see

*none of this should be taken personally (please don’t!) and whether or not you accept these criticisms is up to you. happy writing!

matcha love, t

#10

grade: 8.5/10

G O O D:

  • I am definitely curious about what on earth a Mpemba effect is, so that’s good
  • I like those instructions; the way they are said seems like a mantra the character is using to steady her nerves (and now I’m wondering: what does she need to steady her nerves for?)

B A D:

  • Those instructions are very generic ones—look sharp, etc; they could apply to any situation and don’t make this one stand out very much
  • “give” is much too passive of a word to convey the level of emotion these characters are at

S U G G E S T I O N S:

  • amp it up! throw in some adjectives/adverbs that really ratchet up the tension in this scenario (believe me, it is definitely there) and make us desperate to know if he/she gets it right
  • Pick some strange instructions—you can keep the ones you have, but I would also toss in a few oddballs that make the reader raise their eyebrows and make them read it again (a “did I read that correctly?” moment); curveballs will keep a reader awake

*none of this should be taken personally (please don’t!) and whether or not you accept these criticisms is up to you. happy writing!

also, I’m so happy you’re interested in long-term critiquing! We’ve got a Google Form you can fill out to request editing/feedback; the link is included below.

matcha love, t

#11

Two photographs nestled around Sia Bucks’ laptop. On the left was a shattered wedding photograph. The right picture was a faded picture of three women on stage, each of them wearing tank tops embroidered with their band’s name: Pussy Pussy Meow Meow.

(*) I’d be interested in more.
Also, like the name. I love matcha drinks and snacks.

#12

MATCHA LOVERS UNITE

grade: B+ (almost there!)

G O O D:

  • the photos are definitely unique ones—they’re not the typical photos you would see on someone’s desk (I especially like the shattered wedding photo)
  • I like the physical descriptions of the photos: shattered, faded (about the state of the photos rather than their contents; it looks at a different aspect)

B A D:

  • your first sentence is incomplete? Or you could say “nestled around”—but currently it’s a sentence fragment so that’s not looking too good
  • there’s too many things competing for our attention at once; I don’t know which photo I should think about and what part of it is the important part

S U G G E S T I O N S:

  • Pick one specific aspect of the photos to focus on: appearance, contents, location, etc.
  • complete the first sentence somehow?
  • I personally would choose one photo to focus on and make that one more important—I find the smashed wedding photo to be more interesting; I think it inspires more intrigue & curiosity as opposed to vintage band photos (a smashed wedding photo has multiple implications, whereas a band photo could just be nostalgia)

*none of this should be taken personally (please don’t!) and whether or not you accept these criticisms is up to you. happy writing!

also, I’m so happy you’re interested in long-term critiquing! We’ve got a Google Form you can fill out to request editing/feedback; the link is included below.

matcha love, t

1 Like
#13

Dunke! xxoo

#14

of course! :wink:

#15

Am I allowed to hate Abba? Like, is that a rule? That you aren’t allowed to hate Abba. If so, that rule had not only been broken, but smashed into an innumerable number of pieces.

**I’m interested in long term critiques

#16

Just a second. It took just one second to destroy everything I had, everything I was. First I thought this couldn’t be happening. Why would a rich girl like her want to end her life like this? And worst of all, why would I want to sacrifice my own life for her sake? Last thing I remember, seeing the red lights.

*I’m also interested in the long-term critiquing!

#17

“Why did you choose this life?”

Do you ever get asked that question? I’m sure every one of you must have been asked that question at least once in your life. I have. (The Druggie and The Dealer)

Thanks for your time.

#18

I remember waking up to the sound of a crackling fire, and wind moving gently through leaves.

  • Definitely curious to hear about long term critiquing!
#19

grade: A- (points off for grammar)

G O O D:

  • That’s definitely an interesting topic—it seems completely irrelevant to me and it makes me want to know how on earth ABBA is related to a story
  • I like the self-questioning tone: the asking the reader for help; it makes the reader feel involved

B A D:

  • you’ve got some weird tense stuff—you need to be consistent between present & past
  • why would this even be a rule? What events in this character’s life could suggest that this is a rule? You’re trying to portray this as a sort of general, accepted rule, which is a nice idea but does not apply very well without someone who firmly believes this (an antithesis of sorts)

S U G G E S T I O N S:

  • the last sentence feels incomplete—you could expand more and add some more adjectives to make it more descriptive
  • although the questioning interaction is good, make sure not to come off as flighty or indecisive

*none of this should be taken personally (please don’t!) and whether or not you accept these criticisms is up to you. happy writing!

also, I’m so glad you’re interested in long-term critiques! We have a Google form for potential applicants; I’ll include the link below.

matcha love, t

#20

grade: D+ (it’s not passing yet so let’s work out some kinks)

G O O D:

  • You have created a nice dichotomy between the rich girl and the main character: what happens next and why?

B A D:

  • you have way too many ideas floating around
  • In your attempt to make it not cliche, you have made it cliche—dramatic emotional girls going around and dying. Sound familiar?
  • weird grammar stuff? There are incomplete sentences and sentences that seem like fillers—too short to actually make any emotional impact.

S U G G E S T I O N S:

  • pick one topic to focus on for your introduction—I would pick the red lights; they’re different and fall outside the cliche zone as long as you don’t use a cliche description
  • abstractify things: even though this may sound counterintuitive, a detached approach may work. (You know those movie shots that show giant scenes and then gradually zoom into one character? That’s what I’m talking about.)
  • do NOT talk about the girls here—bring them in later and introduce them in a less cliche way in your story because currently I am incapable of connecting with these characters

*none of this should be taken personally (please don’t!) and whether or not you accept these criticisms is up to you. happy writing!

also, I’m so glad you’re interested in long-term critiques! I’ve included the Google form link below:

matcha love, t

1 Like