mira's free book reviews 🤓 || CLOSED ON LONG-TERM DUE TO BUSY SCHEDULE ─ positive in-line comments, honest constructive feedback and more ~

writing
feedback-offered
critiques

#101

Wattpad Username: MariaJoWrites

Story Title: Olivia & Ricky’s Odyssey to Rock Bottom

Story URL: Olivia & Ricky’s Odyssey to Rock Bottom

Genre: Teen Fiction/YA

Synopsis: (short first-part summary)
Olivia thinks she’s a nobody, plagued by school bullies and feeling lonely. But the new girl is set on becoming her friend, encouraging her to go after her long-time crush: Ricky, the school’s troublemaker. There’s just one problem. Olivia isn’t allowed to date.
But things take a drastic turn when Ricky is accused of assaulting Olivia’s friend, an assault he doesn’t remember, and Olivia is his only hope for an exoneration.

Secret Code/Password: An outsider’s view on my storyline. I do get reads, but hardly anyone leave comments, so I don’t have any idea about what people actually think.

Express or Full Queue: Express since that the only open list (and I don’t want to pressure you to read the entire thing…). I upload every Friday and am up to chapter 59 + a preface. – If you enjoy it, I will be happy to receive feedback on more than three chapters.

Anything you want me to specifically comment on: I’m concerned that my story comes off as a giant cliché in the first few chapters and that people will be quick to throw it aside for that reason. It isn’t until chapter 8 and onwards the first big incident happens (which makes the storyline different) and I don’t know if, or how, I should tackle that because I need to set the story/characters up too.


#103

yay

Haunted Rayne


by @AnneMcKae
Express Queue


If I had to describe this story with a sentence, it would be that...

Captivating, interesting, and everything you don’t expect - the plot is beautiful and the vocabulary used is descriptive and wonderful to read, each word flowing one after another.

The reason I say that is because as you mentioned, this is the result of plenty revisions and hard work, which heavily shows in your work. This is something I’d like to put in the Undiscovered Books’ reading list - you deserve way more than the number of views and following you have - hence, I’ve followed you on a side note! The only issue I saw in this story… was close to nothing - I tried my best to find something that I could critique on - but I found the story slightly inconsistent, almost as if you wrote this at different occasions and timeframes, which was hard to grasp. Another thing, was that I loved how human the characters were, they were round and had well-done characterization. As for whether I find this plot interesting enough? You got me - I read this hating murder mysteries, yet this is extremely interesting and the hooks you’ve put in your story shows your strong ability to define it. I love this story and you deserve so much more credit. On a last note, the editing of grammar and punctuation was so immaculate that it was impossible to find one mistake - so that’s another good thing. Do continue the story, you’re extremely talented.


#104

Hi there. I’m really sorry if this seems pushy, but I was wondering if you maybe forgot about my story? Just because I can’t see it listed in the express queue up above, although I’m not sure how often you update that list so maybe I am overthinking things :persevere: Anyway I really hope I’m not being pushy, and I am sorry if I am. I honestly am not intending to be. Take all the time you need to review, you are doing me a huge favour after all and asking nothing in return. I just wanted to make sure. Sorry about this again :persevere:


#105

My mistake!

Seems like I accidentally didn’t add you onto the queue. I’ll put you as number 1 in Express Queue now as you’re supposed to be having that spot. Sorry about that!


#106

Oh well. You don’t have to read the whole book once the full queue is open again. You said that you could do up to ten chapters, so that works. Also, can you tag me when the full one is open again?


#107

Correct. I can do 10 chapters if I accept :nerd_face:

I will tag you if I remember, no promises again as I might forget but I’ll try. :heart:


#108

Ok, thanks


#109

acceptedthanks

i will be adding you to express queue shortly.

#110

Thanks :slight_smile:

Yeah…I need to work on my commas :confused:


#111

It didn’t really get in the way or really bug me though, even as a picky editor. :nerd_face::heart:


#112

Good to know :wink:

I’ll keep that in mind when I edit though :slight_smile:


#113

Thanks a bunch :grin:


#114

yay

A City of War


by @TheGirlWhoRambled
Express Queue


The first thing that I noticed was that the story was really greatly described and you have some descriptive parts. Your grammar and punctuation are absolutely perfect - I adored how easy it was to understand - and there are some perfect descriptions in your story. The only main problem is that the paragraphs are slightly long-winded and are kind of hard to catch, and there weren’t too many hooks, the sentence structure slightly limited. The first chapter was quite long - how many words did you write? Maybe chop it up to separate chapters. The second chapter was also extremely long and took me a lot of time to read through, so maybe also chop that up. Your vocabulary range was large, which is a vital part in any book - I loved that part.Overall, great story so far and I loved it! :nerd_face:


#115

acceptedthanks

i will be adding you to express queue shortly.

#116

Thank you so much.
Enjoy reading (hopefully… :flushed:).


#117

Announcement for ALL FULL QUEUE

Taglist (Current Queue):
@TAJoseph @originalverbivore @GhostsInsideOfMyBed @TheTigerWriter @perdida_princesa19 @AverySummers

I will be working on Full Queue tomorrow, possibly - hopefully will finish off this cycle and 1 entire cycle by Tuesday night.

I will be pausing full queue by Christmas or will try to finish by then, but I have no promises. I’ll be dropping more than half of the stories by Christmas (at 10 chapters) due to exams, and pausing the remaining queue.

This is not because your story sucks or something! This is purely due to the fact that I don’t read a lot of Fantasy, etc. This is where the preferred genre thing comes up!


#118

of course! I get it. also, take your time!


#119

Yay! i’m so glad you liked it. Thank you for reviewing and for leaving such kind comments :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:


#120

Anytime :nerd_face:


#121

Thanks so much for the review and the comments! :blush: I’m glad you enjoyed the story and thank you for the helpful critique, I’ll try and improve on those things in both this story and my writing in general. Both of the chapters were approximately 4500 words in length. I do tend to write very long chapters - the other fantasy story I’m writing (which I haven’t yet posted on Wattpad because it needs a lot of work before I am willing to share it here xD) averages about 7000-8000 words a chapter. Still, if it is distracting I’ll definitely try to work on cutting it down :smile: Oh, and to answer your question from the comments, Hayashi is a Japanese surname, but Tina is not a Japanese first name. Tina the character is of Japanese descent :slight_smile: