My boyfriend keeps pressuring me to have sex with him all the time, its like all we talk about these days. We can hardly even have a decent conversation anymore.
I don’t have anything against it. I’m just not ready for that yet. Btw I’m not a teenager, I’m in my early twenties.
So my question is this: is it impossible to find a guy out there who is ready to wait?
Must all relationships involve sex?
It’s not impossible. You just need to find a guy who wants the same things as you. In this case, I would say that you two have very different ideas of where you want this relationship to go (without any further information).
It is totally okay not to have sex in your relationship, if you’re not ready for it. Sure, it may be an essential part of us, being human, but if a guy, or heck anyone pressurizes you over sex, then you must think carefully before taking the step. It may be important, but it’s not like you’ll die without it.
Just cut to the chase and tell you bf, NO. If you don’t want, then you don’t got to.
I keep telling him No. And each time he’ll either say “You won’t find a guy better and more patient than me” or “You’re frustrating me in this relationship, I gave a lot to be with you and you cant just make one compromise, you’re selfish”.
Okay, I had to throw the gif in there b/c it so fit the comment. Just to be clear, I’m not here to tell you how to live or whom to love, but I have to point out that kind of language sounds like crystal clear emotional abuse. He’s essentially saying he’s the best you can do so you better put out, which is–ew? Cringe? I’ll tell you in the words of a famous Disney Movie (Into the Woods) Nice is different than good.
He is a manipulator, be careful and run away as far as you can from this person. He’ll ruin you slowly and leave you as dust and you won’t even realize it. It will all feel so much normal. They would use your love against you. Please be careful.
From his point of view, the relationship could move to a whole new fantastic level and it’s being held back for reasons you can’t/won’t articulate in a way he can understand. He’s sure if you just said yes you would look back and wonder why you put it off so long.
From your point of view, it is entirely up to you when you have sex. If you are not ready then that’s that and you don’t need to justify it to him.
I think you need to spell it out to him that it’s not going to happen and he can decide whether he is prepared to accept the situation. If he pressures you after that conversation, you should seriously consider breaking it off, if he hasn’t already broken it off.
Personally, if I were in his situation, I would say thanks for a great year, but this is important to me and I’m moving on.
Edit to add: the buys me stuff is not a factor, and being a basic decent boyfriend is not a factor.
Alright, first - you know your relationship more than I do. So keep that in mind. What I’m going to say is just my opinion and based on experience, so take it as you wish.
He doesn’t sound nice. He sounds manipulative. And how long you’ve been together isn’t a reason to justify crappy behavior.
Maybe he really is nice and maybe he’s just frustrated about this one thing. But if that’s the case, he’ll understand when you sit him down and firmly tell him to knock it off.
This is irrelevant, and a lot of times, used to justify piss poor behavior.
This is just basic human kindness that I’d hope he’d be doing if he’s dating you.
Take it from someone who let bad behavior slide until it got worse and now has a whole party of mental and emotional issues - someone who says those kinds of things to you regularly to get their way is emotionally abusing you.
That is not an okay response. Saying you won’t find someone better or as patient? Guilt-tripping you with whatever he means by “gave up a lot”?
That’s literally the only goal of a statement like that - to make you think you can’t do better. And then when you think you can’t, he’ll treat you worse. This is textbook emotional abuse. He might as well have found “emotional abuse for dummies” on Amazon.
If you are not happy, find someone who will make you happy. There are so so so many other people in the world who would be ecstatic to have you. He knows it, otherwise he wouldn’t be trying to convince you it isn’t true. Don’t let him bring you down like that.