Need help with my blurb!

Basically, I want to mention in my blurb these things:

  • MC goes to the beach often.
  • A girl’s dead body is found in shallow waters, thus, the police would question the MC if he saw anything.
  • Her body has multiple clawmarks
  • There is no wild life around the town the book takes place in, so it doesn’t make too much sense.

And I suck at blurbs and wrote this:

I LIKE LONG WALKS AT THE BEACH. Nothing wrong with that, except when a little girl’s corpse is found in shallow waters with multiple clawmarks. It was clearly an animal, all they can do is ask me if I saw anything. When was the last time I saw a wild animal in this town? Well, let me just say it’s been a while.

in the worst case I will start writing the story and work on the blurb later.

I’m definitely no expert on blurbs, but I would recommend writing it in third person and not first. I like the idea of the first line, though. What genre is this? What are the stakes involved in the plot?

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If I switch to third person I lose the first line and I can’t really come up with anything good to replace it with.

Mystery/thriller/horror kind of. The MC, who is actually the one behind the murder, will continue to kill using animal claws he has kept from back when his sister and he were younger and hunting wild animals. She died but I have yet to pick the cause. At the same time, he will try to convince the townspeople that he has nothing to do with the murders. They don’t know his past, but being a loner in a town full of gossip is enough to raise suspicions. Back at the comfort of his own house, he will see his sister and interact with her as if she is alive. The aforementioned backstory will remain hidden for the majority of the plot.

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So he’s the one who found the body?

The police. He put the body there to begin with, but neither the police nor the reader will know that.

Okay technically a random passerby told the police about the body, but his identity doesn’t matter.

*starts stressing over plotholes without writing even and chapter one yet*

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Okay, so I don’t know if this will be totally off for the tone of the story, but how about something like this:

[Name/Age of MC]

Likes: Long walks on the beach.

Dislikes: Being accused of murder.

When the police discover the mutilated corpse of a little girl in [name of body of water], the close-knit community of [name of town] are quick to peg [MC] as the killer. Now it’s up to this eccentric loner and his younger sister to find the real killer and clear his name.

Sorry, I’m really bad at these. I just thought that the first line you had was a good hook cuz it reminded me of a personal ad or something. It caught my attention.

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I totally understand. If the plotholes are glaring and ruin the story, maybe sit down and take some notes to help you get an idea of where the story needs to go. Otherwise, just write the first draft without stressing too much. Editing later can fix a lot of problems, but first you need something to edit :slight_smile:

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Thank you so much for helping out! I will edit the blurb later :smiley:

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Ooo, you guys are good, I’m not good at blurbs either so can I ask for help with mine (I hope this isn’t annoying)

Here’s what I have rn, but I feel like it needs a lot of work so any pointers?

Here it is:

“Hey.”

“Hi,” I breathed out as the little blonde boy inched closer.

The rain was pouring down on us, the sound a constant reminder of the time that had passed, the time left. Drip, drop, it wept like tears from above, tear seen by all yet so often overlooked. I was restraining the urge to shiver from the cold, despite my big black hoodie.

What brought me here? What turned my almost normal life into this? It didn’t make sense, I couldn’t wrap my head around it.


Nina has lived in pain for so long that she can’t remember any different. She doesn’t know how it feels to be happy, doesn’t know how a day without worry went.

If you asked anyone to describe her in one word, they’d tell you strong every time. And who would disagree? She was the toughest girl in all of West Highschool, at least that’s how it seemed to everyone.

But, what happens when a little golden boy comes knocking on her door? Will she let him in and show him what’s inside or block him out?

Follow Gina on her journey to overcoming her fears and admitting her deepest scars, and maybe even finding love.

I just realized her name changes half way through, don’t mind that lol

Again, I’m definitely no pro at blurbs, but here’s my input:

Don’t put excerpts from the story. I typically move on when I see this because it doesn’t tell me anything about the plot. I like to know the basic story before I commit to reading.

You need to hook readers with your first few sentences, as that’s what shows up in a search on Wattpad. Maybe something like:

Nina’s strength has become her identity. But pain is her unseen reality (I dunno, I’m terrible at these).

I’m not really getting the plot from what’s here. Why is she in pain? What makes people believe she’s strong? Who is this boy? The way you phrase it, he sounds like a little child, but is he meant to be her age? What are the stakes?

I’d also steer away from rhetorical questions. Leave us with a statement that makes us want to dive in to find out more.

That’s all I got. Sorry I’m not more helpful.

Thanks, I know I need to put a lot of work into this and the advice really helps!

Hey @FetchingPenumbra - is your story written in first person? If so, I think it works quite effectively to have this synopsis written in first person as well. I like the opening line a lot!

Yes my story is written in first person :slight_smile: And I’m glad you think so!

@FetchingPenumbra There’s a glaring issue in your blurb/storyline that is bothering me.

Should I mention it?

Go for it, although I’m not down for an entire breakdown of the whole thing.

I’ll hold back then.