Offer: First chapter/Hook critique

feedback-offered

#1

I offer help with your first chapter, first few paragraphs, or your story hook (read: the thing meant to hook readers and keep them going). I’m versed in all kinds of romance, fantasy, paranormal, sci-fi, which means I won’t be of any help with other genres.

I’m not brutal, but I’m honest and I will tell you clearly what works for me and what doesn’t (and why, going by standard good practice for publishing) in the most productive way possible. I will try to also give pointers on what style quirks I notice. You might want my kind of feedback if you’re thinking about publishing your story as a book but aren’t sure yet if you should.
I don’t expect my advice to be taken blindly and I don’t have personal pride invested in this. I just like challenging myself.

Please note: I won’t read more than your first chapter for critique, except if it hits my sweet spot (which I’m a little particular about, so don’t worry, personal preferences don’t have anything to do with quality of work).


#2

heya,
Is your offer valid also for an explicit book?


#3

I love me some steaminess :wink: Gimme!


#4

Okay, here it goes. I must say I am a bit nervous about this.

Dark tears - a slave’s perspective

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link: https://www.wattpad.com/story/159349691-dark-tears-a-slave's-perspective


#5

Hi!

I would love it if you had any time to read my new story “All” (not yet complete) - a romance that’s going to be filled with secrets, lies, lust, and possibly the ultimate… love. Hope you enjoy and I look forward to hearing what you like/what could work better! :smile: x

All%20cover%20draft

https://www.wattpad.com/story/173304181-all

All [adverb]; completely, without exception.

When 18-year-old Abi meets Noah, a moody but disarming musician, she soon discovers his tough exterior is hiding more than just the tattoos that mark his skin.

Thrown into a world of secrets, emotions and sexual discovery, will their love/hate relationship ever become more than a confusing game of cat and mouse? As the walls become to crumble between them, can Abi and Noah’s love survive the impact?


#6

Done!


#7

Name: @haum95
Title: Guven
Genre: mystry\ romance
Description: Güven is the Turkish word for trust which mean believing that someone is good, honest and will not harm you. When agent Eylül worked on the case of Erik Fuchs she did expect the horrific events that followed.
Link:
https://my.w.tt/rI0uO1JtoS


#8

Would you be willing to read my story? I started it four weeks ago, so it’s still quite new. It’s high fantasy


#9

aaand done!


#10

Hi, would be open FF okay with you? This type of FF doesn’t need prior knowledge of the fandom for reading :slight_smile:


#11

Hi!
I’d be happy to read it, but my feedback is targeted towards “could I publish this as is?”
If you aren’t worried about me ruining your motivation by tearing through your youngling story, throw it at me :slight_smile:


#12

I have to say, I’ve never read a fanfiction I liked, but as long as you’re clear that I only offer style/wording feedback, sure, why not!


#13

There’s plenty of people who have faithfully returned every week to vote and give me a happy comment :stuck_out_tongue: They’ll keep me going

https://www.wattpad.com/story/168790207-the-alpha's-flame


#14

Thank you so much :heart:

I have two I can present, so pick the one that catches your interest or none :smiley: No worries :slight_smile:

https://www.wattpad.com/story/133739152-silver-darkness-open-sonic-the-hedgehog-ff
(The Chapter named - The Story so Far isn’t exactly a prologue but small background info for non-fans to check if they wish so. I tried to provide all info in my story, but just in case I added this.)

https://www.wattpad.com/story/128184172-the-crossing-destinies-open-sonic-the-hedgehog-ff

Thank you so much for this opportunity :slight_smile:


#15

Done, thank you for sharing!


#16

https://www.wattpad.com/story/173449590-the-four-chimes

The king is dead.

Four chimes heard throughout the nation of Lhartaon. One for the mind, one for the body, one for the heart, and one for the soul. The chime of death.

A new era is beginning.


#17

**Even though it’s about pirates I promise you it’s not some cringe, hard to get stuck into action sequence driven mess. I’m a romance writer and I love romance books so this book is very much ‘if I was a romance reader and I read this book about 17th century pirates would I like it?’ ***

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:ocean::skull_and_crossbones:Name : @jessie-bear

:ocean::skull_and_crossbones:Title : Hoist the colours

:ocean::skull_and_crossbones:Genre : Historical/ action/ humour/ romance/ adventure

:ocean::skull_and_crossbones:Description :

❝The king may rule the kingdom, but it’s the queen who moves the board.❞ - D.M. Timney

Thrust into an all-new adventure, the fourteenth Duke of Monmouth, Nathaniel Osborne feels the winds of ill fortune blowing stronger than ever when he and his manservant, Benson, are forced to board one of the most feared pirate ships ever to sail the Caribbean, The Devil’s Chariot.

:ocean::skull_and_crossbones:Link : https://www.wattpad.com/674958126-1-hoist-the-colours

I hope you’ll consider it.


#18

Thanks so much @HannahLCorrie :smile: where can I find your thoughts/feedback? xx


#19

I am in desperate need of some feedback on the beginning of my story. I have a prologue and first chapter, I would like some feedback on both but I understand if you only can do one. The prologue maybe a bit more exciting though.

Title: Star Wars - The Fallen Order


#20

Done, thanks for sharing!