Offer: First chapter/Hook critique

feedback-offered

#41

Hi, please check out my book about bullying :heart:https://my.w.tt/TtnUnayhnT


#42

Hey I was wondering if you could look at my first chapter on my new book? I just started writing and I’m a little rusty and I need to figure out how I can please readers!

Title: Rhythm of Love

Genre: Romance

Link: https://www.wattpad.com/story/173907866-rhythm-of-love

Thank you in advance for considering!


#43

Hello there, I would really appreciate your consideration for my urban fantasy.

https://www.wattpad.com/story/153756033-a-city-of-shadows

Thank you xx


#44

Hi! I would love to get your feedback on my fantasy novel, The Sword Unbroken. It’s m/m dark fantasy/romance about a gladiator who falls for his handler. It is mature, for language, violence and sex.

image

https://www.wattpad.com/58472903-the-sword-unbroken-chapter-one-gamble

I would prefer feedback in the comments section, just so that when I do revisions it’s all in the same place. I did look at the feedback sample you provided to another user, and I would be fine with something like that in my comments section.

Thanks for your offer, and hope you have time to consider my work! :blush:


#45

Hi!

Title: When Life Gives You Lemons
Genre: Teen Fiction
Description:

Falling in love with your best friend’s brother is never a good thing, is it? Falling in love with both of your best friend’s older brothers? That’s even worse.

Emma Branson has always harbored a crush on Mason Masterson, her best friend Jessie’s so-called “brooding” older brother, but as Emma journeys through high school, she realizes it’s the middle brother, Caleb, who has always been by her side, leaving Emma in quite possibly the worst love triangle of them all.

Link: https://www.wattpad.com/story/135412674-when-life-gives-you-lemons

Thank you so much! (:


#46

Hi there. If you’re interested and have time, can you please check out my new story? It’s a paranormal romance, with some horror elements. Any feedback you can give on either the prologue or first chapter would be sweet :slight_smile:

Title: Death City

Genre: Paranormal

Link: https://www.wattpad.com/story/72594165-death-city


#47

Hello everyone!
Just a quick statement: If you posted your story for views/public comments and not to better your first chapter, please remove it. Focused reading is a lot of work that I’m willing to put into your story start, but this thread wasn’t meant as a way to promote your story and get more comments. To make it clear:

I will not post my feedback publicly. I repeat: I will not post my feedback publicly. That includes commenting on your story.

I will, however, give you a summary of what you could do to engage more readers who click on it and give it a try per private message.

Post scriptum: Comments are only worth something if the reader writes them voluntarily. Clicks and votes are only worth something if the readers do it voluntarily. Your story should be the most precious thing to you, not a number somewhere up top. Just sayin’.


#48

I now understood what you meant - I’ll be improving my first chapter soon.


#49

I am really looking to improve on mine. I think it has potential but after staring at it for so long I can no longer tell what’s up and what’s down.


#50

It’s the first time I’m working on teen fiction, and I’m not sure what it takes to have a ‘hooking start’ If it’s still open, here’s the linkto my story ‘Sea High’

https://my.w.tt/L00BzcutoT.

Thanks if you choose to accept!


#51

Oh, sorry. Teen fiction is not included in the list of your genres. It’s absolutely OK if you decide to reject. :slight_smile:


#52

Hey, I’d love to take you up on the offer of analyzing my first chapter. This is definitely a story I’m hoping to publish in the future and I’ve been getting mixed feedback so some industry insider tips on the hook would be amazing!

Title: The Blood of Queens
Genre: Urban Fantasy
Link: https://www.wattpad.com/story/170452706-the-blood-of-queens


#53

Hey there! We’d (twins here) love you to take a look at the first part in our fantasy novel called Ink Sisters. Here’s a link!
https://www.wattpad.com/story/168394880-ink-sisters
Thanks if you choose to accept!


#54

Thank you for offering this.
Title: Oberyn’s Mirror
Blurb: Accidents are non-existent, everything is already predetermined. In the morbid ballad called life, events seem unpredictable, people like dolls with masks, and it inevitably ends with death. Join Winter on his adventure to find Oberyn’s mansion following a riddle left by the mysterious man. What awaits him on the journey for the object Oberyn left for him?
Link: https://www.wattpad.com/story/173284555-oberyn’s-mirror


#55

Hey, I wonder if you had time and were interested in giving feedback on the first chapter of my new story. It’s a Dystopian Sci-fi novel called “After the Rain”.

Link: https://www.wattpad.com/story/175169927-after-the-rain


#56

Hello and thank you
be84244e27084392b3df0ca44a21db95
Title: Void Bound
Genre: Fantasy/Action
Summary: It was all Tyler ever wanted; to be a hero like the ones he had looked up to as a child. To leave behind a great story that would remain when everything else fell apart. Sick of living under his mother’s thumb and doing as he’s told, he’ll take any chance he can to break away. His first real attempt, however, leaves him more trapped than before.

Heroes were people that everyone remembered. The ones whose stories remained. But stories on Kieran don’t have happy endings.


#57

Hello! I would love any and all feedback you have to offer. Thank you for your time!

Title: The Fall of Mangiatorvi

Genre: Young Adult, Fantasy

Blurb: Gemma spent the majority of her life feeling like an outcast, hiding her gifts from those around her. Then in a whirlwind of violence and heartbreak, she is recruited to Mangiatorvi University for the Gifted in a Magical Realm She falls under the mentorship of both the crown prince and the most gifted fighter in the realm. They earn her trust and she earns their loyalty, but can she chance her heart again? Tensions are rising in the government as the country is on the brink of both civil war and war with the bordering state. Gemma struggles to navigate a new world, searching for normalcy amongst friendships, romance, and politics.

Link: https://www.wattpad.com/story/175176204-the-fall-of-mangiatorvi


#58

Title: Knights of Lore

Blurb: One millennium ago they came and almost wiped humanity out of existence.

Now they’ve returned stronger than ever to finish what they started all those years ago.

The extermination of mankind.
*****

Kariah-Belle Nadirè dreams of becoming a knight and following in her parents’ footsteps. However before she can walk a path behind her mother and father, she must reap vengeance on the man who slaughtered her entire family branch.

After an unfortunate turn of events, Kariah-Belle finally becomes a Knight and is apprenticed under Holy Knight: Star Titania. Her new squad mates, Aya and Kaden have already started making a name for themselves. Upon meeting Kaden, Kariah-Belle suspects she isn’t the lone survivor everyone thought and as the two get closer, things once hidden in the dark are brought to light.

Her chaotic world becomes even more so when a powerful alien race returns to eradicate all life on the planet.

In a world full dangerous wildlife, factions, and a race that sees humans as livestock, Kariah-Belle will need her friends, both old and new to survive. Will it be enough? Or will the life of a knight prove too much?

Link: https://my.w.tt/ThZV1sNnzT


#59

I would love your critique! This is my first story on Wattpad and I am both excited and nervous!
The story is titled Summer, its the only one under my works :slight_smile:


#60

Is this service still open?
I just published a chapter today (technically two but the first chapter is just one quote).
I’ll just drop a link just in case:

https://www.wattpad.com/story/171792276-warwielder-book-1-of-an-aderi%C3%A9-odyssey