PITCH: Dating A Fictional Character

Hi there! This is my first idea for a YA novel so I’d love to get some feedback! :slight_smile:
Audience: Young Adult
Genre: Romance/Fantasy/Mystery
Length: About 50,000 words
Summary:
Akira Vivek is initially in love with fictitious, book character Evan Gold, but when she meets exchange student Aidan O’ Connor, she finds herself falling for Aidan as well, particularly since he makes her feelings for Evan seem less intense. However, in the city of Siwan, having a boyfriend is scandalous. Nevertheless, she breaks all the rules to be with him.

However, the more she reads through the book, the more memories begin to resurface in her mind, and Akira realizes her past may not be what it seems. The main character in the book, Naomi, is a bandit in a magical kingdom, and is captured by its merciless Queen. In order to save her life, one of the protectors of the kingdom, Evan Gold, trades in a favor with the Queen to save Naomi’s life. He trains her to become a Protector. Despite their teacher-student status, Naomi begins to fall for him, but they cannot be together because the Queen loves him as well. When they get caught together in Evan’s bedroom, the Queen poisons Naomi using magic. To save her, Evan offers to marry the Queen if she agrees to send Naomi to the real world, where magic doesn’t exist.

However, the Queen replaces Naomi’s memories with fake ones that lead her to believe her name is Akira, a completely different girl, and sends her to Siwan, a city she created.

With the help of her friend Krishna, she regains all her memories and realizes the Queen has been in Siwan all along, keeping an eye on her and posing as her best friend. It is also revealed that Aidan’s father was once dating the Queen, and had died in a stampede trying to protect her when she used dark magic to save Aidan’s life. She swore revenge on the entire kingdom and sent Aidan to Ireland, in the real world, to protect him.

After an intense battle, the Queen is finally killed by Aidan, who chooses to protect Naomi. The dark magic then chooses Evan as its new host, making him evil. He erases Naomi’s memories, and when she wakes up finds herself in the Enchanted Forest with a book in her hand, which tells her the story of what happened after Evan wiped her memories.

It is revealed that Evan brought back Akira, as he believes she is easier to control. In another heart-stopping battle, Akira is faced with the choice on who to save, Aidan or Evan. This time, she chooses Aidan, realizing her feelings for him are real, whereas her love for Evan is solely because of the memories she had as Naomi. She stabs Evan, releasing the dark magic, which chooses her/Naomi as its new host.

Krishna manages to heal Evan using magic and brings them back to the Enchanted Forest, where Evan and Naomi decide they need to stay apart for Evan to forgive himself and Naomi to learn to control her dark impulses. He returns months later, and they reunite.

Notes:
I have taken the concept of a real-life teenager who falls in love with a fantasy character. It emphasizes on the point that although the character may not be real, her feelings very much are. A lot of bookworms have ‘book boyfriends’, and my story is a unique take on an impossible romance with a man who may not even exist.
Although it is essentially a romance, the story also highlights the importance of memories in shaping a person’s character, and the chaos that follows when book characters collide with real-life people. Also, my story is written from two perspectives. The main character, living in the real world, and the heroine in the fantasy novel she’s reading. It essentially draws parallels between the events in the real world and the fantasy one.

Thank you so much for your time! I look forward to hearing from you.

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So I have two questions, one of which will seem particularly harsh but which I want an answer to because I think you’ll need to really review and reflect on this (you can also check a lot of my responses in other pitches here as this shares some similar issues:

  1. What is the character’s motivation or desire in any of this that causes her to consistently take actions or try to resolve something? Just loving a random guy?
  2. What is the point or purpose to having a fictional character in a book or memory erasure? I mean this very seriously as it disappears immediately in the plot and doesn’t contribute anything to the story, which ends in a magic battle. It also creates numerous plotholes (why would the queen strip her memory and send her to a made up of place with a book explaining what happened so she has the chance to regain her memories and also if she can wipe memories why wouldn’t she just kill Naomi and then change Evan’s memories to be that he loves the Queen and so on).
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You have a point

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you are also right
:heart_eyes: :heart_eyes: :heart_eyes:

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Hey! Thank you for your feedback:)

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Thank you so much for your feedback! It’s not harsh at all, they both are very valid questions. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to explain everything in a 500 word summary, so I just highlighted on the plot points.
I’ll try answering the second question first. Although it’s not mentioned in the summary, the concept of her having legitimate feelings for a fictional character is thoroughly explored in the book, and she constantly keeps comparing her real life boyfriend to Evan. There are also several instances where she wonders if maybe her fascination with a book character is causing her to believe in things that don’t exist and prevent her from moving on in real life with an actual boyfriend.
The Queen didn’t send a book along with her. In the story, when the Queen wipes her memories, they can’t just disappear from her mind. The memories formulate themselves into a book, which is the one she is reading. So, really, she’s reading a novel with her lost memories, and that explains why she has such a connection to it. The Queen isn’t aware the book even exists, until much later, when she realizes her curse wasn’t perfect.
The Queen, however terrible, would never use dark magic on Evan to alter his memories simply because of her love for him. She initially does try to kill Naomi by poisoning her with magic, but when Evan offers to marry the Queen out of choice if he spares her life and sends her to the real world where magic doesn’t exist, the Queen agrees. For her, it was enough that he chose to be with her, instead of her having to use her magic. But since she also wanted Naomi to suffer, she stole her memories and transformed her from a rebellious, strong girl to a subdued, timid teenager suffocated by her judgmental society. Since Naomi was never afraid of death, this was her perfect hell.
As for the character’s motivation, it isn’t simply because she loves a random guy. In Naomi’s case, she has a personal hate against the Queen since she killed her rebellious father. In her case, she’s wanted to see the queen dead for a long time.
Also, most of the time when she’s in the real world, she’s trying to convince herself that she’s imagining things. Sometimes, she gets flashbacks of memories that are scenes from the book and realizes she has scars on her arm exactly where Naomi herself has a couple. There are several instances in the story where the Queen realizes she might be remembering her past, but doesn’t know how that’s possible, so she sends her guards to frighten her into giving up her quest. In one of these cases, they pose as thugs and injure Aidan when they are on a date. Taking action and trying to resolve the mystery behind her past would help her destroy whoever wanted her harmed and protect all the people she cares about, including her family and Aidan. Her relationship with Evan was simply the thread linking her to her memories, since her feelings for him were strong.
I hope that cleared things up a little? Again, thank you so much for your time:)

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