Pitmad Pitches for December 6th


#21

We have very set rules in my native languages for how to put commas - and they’re nothing like English rules, lol.

I’ve admitted defeat to the curly little suckers.


#22

You will conquer them eventually, those… curly little suckers. Although they’re not really curly, are they?


#23

Eh. To each their own.


#24

How about:

Time is running out for a condemned man. Student journalist Dakota Jennings is trying to determine his guilt - but when the truth finally emerges, more than one dead body is left in its wake.

I kind of try to slip her age in there with the student journalist since I’m not sure if I want to pitch is as adult or new adult.


#25

,

Kind of curly :joy:

I think I’m too old at this point. If I haven’t learned by now, I don’t think it’ll stick. Which is okay, honestly. English is like my third language. Can’t be perfect in every aspect of it :joy:

But back to pitches!

@SallyMason1 I think this one is a hit:

Time is running out for a condemned man. A journalism student, Dakota Jennings is trying to determine his guilt - but when the truth finally emerges, more than one dead body is left in its wake.


#26

Mentioning she’s a student will definitely put it in a more New Adult demographic. But I think it’d work either way to be honest.


#27

Her?


#28

SOMEONE ANSWER ME DAKOTA IS A HER NOW???


#29

Is Dakota genderfluid


#30

What


#31

Dakota is typically a girl’s name. So yah, she’s a girl.


#32

Oh. Okay. It’s just the pitch said ‘his’ so I was confused. Actually, I’m still confused.


#33

Dakota is a her. The condemned man is a him. Dakota is trying to determine the guilt of the condemned man, so his guilt.

Now I’m scared this didn’t come across :sob:


#34

Do I need the “a” in front of journalism student. I find it breaks up the flow.

Time is running out for a condemned man. Journalism student Dakota Jennings is trying to determine his guilt – but when the truth finally emerges, more than one dead body is left in its wake.


#35

Defintiely remove the “a” - I agree.

Maybe even adding this:

Time is running out for a condemned man. Journalism student Dakota Jennings is trying to determine the man’s guilt – but when the truth finally emerges, more than one dead body is left in its wake.

To avoid all misunderstandings of whose guilt Dakota is trying to determine?


#36

Man is an echo. Condemned inmate?

Btw, I like your pitch. Why are you not pitching it tomorrow?


#37

OOOOOH. I get it now. It totally makes sense! Don’t change it, it’s fine. Not everyone’s a dumbass like me :sob:


#38

Death sentee? Hm… Condemned is also used twice. Death row occupier? :joy: Death-sentenced.

Dakota Jennings is trying to determine the death sentenced’s guilt.

Or something like that?

Thanks! My MS is so not up to a standard where it’s pitch worthy yet. I need to make some changes. And my query letter is horrendous. And so is my summary. All I really have that could be ready is the pitch.


#39

Condemned is only once if I substitute the one man for inmate :slight_smile:

Time is running out for a condemned inmate. Journalism student Dakota Jennings is trying to determine the man’s guilt – but when the truth finally emerges, more than one dead body is left in its wake.


#40

Oh yes! This is good. I like this pitch! :smile: