Query feedback :)

Hi there! If this is in the wrong topic, let me know so I can move it!

I wrote a query for my novel on here, The Keeper, and I was hoping for some feedback. This is the whole query that would be sent to the LA. Most, I’ve noticed, wanted something that is likened to your novel (i.e. books that are similar in writing style), a summary, a little bit about yourself, then genre and word count etc. Any feedback would be helpful! Thank you!

If perhaps, you have found your way between the pages of The Grimm Brothers, Edgar Rice Burroughs, or Jane Austin, then I believe you may enjoy the adventure of Anabelle, set forth within my novel The Keeper…

Every two thousand years, a Keeper of the forest is chosen amongst two children. Half mortal, and half immortal. When the ceremony takes place, and a life is threatened, what will happen when the Keeper is taken from their world?

When Anabelle comes of age upon her twentieth birthday, she is thrust into a world she knows nothing of, with darkness looming over the Black Forest and all that reside in it. Anabelle will have to face not only herself but the knowledge that if she dies… so will the world.

On the occasion of her first masked ball, the truth of Anabelle’s secluded life will be revealed in the glimpse of a dark figure’s face, scarred by the flames of a torch in the hands of a protective mother—whose thousand-year reign as the Keeper of the forest is coming to an end.

The Keeper is a 76,000-word magical fantasy adventure centred on the eternal struggle between good and evil. Like any young woman stepping into the world, Anabelle is confronted with the need to make a choice. Between the power of the light and the attraction of the dark. Learning to distinguish between the two will test the strength of her devotion to those she loves, as well as the acceptance of her own innate powers. The Keeper, just like Anabelle, balances between both commercial fiction and literary.

The Keeper is followed by the continuing completed story: The Black Forest.

I currently live in the Seattle area. Having worked as an EMT for two and a half years, I now work as an Emergency Room Tech at the Evergreen Health Hospital, whilst writing on my days off (when I’m not sleeping of course).

Thank you for your consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.


I hope this helps. The query is a bit unfocused right now. It talks about the grand scheme of good vs evil but not how that specifically affects Annabelle. What is it that tempts her toward the dark? What duties does she have that she feels she needs to observe to protect her loved ones? (who ARE they anyways? Her family? Friends?)

Also, depending on who you’re submitting to, it might be worth including some modern comparison titles, or referencing anything specific that you saw the agent/recipient mention they’re looking for that your story fits. “Modern fairytale” as a quick example.


This definitely helps! I’ll look into more modern fairytales, issue is that I don’t read modern fairytales. Most of what I read growing up was the classics so that’s what I have to go off of lol. I appreciate you taking the time to go over it so in-depth!

thatCalamity has great advice! I would suggest formatting the letter more like a letter as well: You want to address the agent, mention why this particular agent would be suited to like/rep your work, and you want to include the genre + word count in the first paragraph before delving into the details.

If you don’t read modern fairytales, then include comp titles that you have read that have been published in the last 20 years at least. Do you read any recently pub’d fantasy? If so, use that pool of books to list comp titles from. Like thatCalamity mentioned, look at what the agent has already rep’d and sold to pubs and see if your book in anyway compares (it should, because if it doesn’t, then odds are this might not be the right agent for you–the agents you query should generally be agents who have experience and interest in books like yours). Remember that agents aren’t just looking for good books, they are looking for books that they can sell. The ultimate goal is a book deal, right? So pitch your book in way that makes it marketable–this is why comp titles are important.

Best of luck!

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Yeah, I haven’t read any modern fairytales since I was 12 because I because so engrossed in my own lol. Anyways, i agree that they had good advice so I did take it to work on my query :slight_smile:

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Also welcome to the community :slight_smile:

Hi! So this is all super vague - in a query letter, you need to be very specific about your plot, your character, and what’s at stake. :slight_smile: I would suggest reading tons of query letters to get a feel for how they are typically structured.

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I actually posted a new thread once I redid my query about 2 weeks ago, and got lots of help shaping it :slight_smile:

Omg sorry! I didn’t even see when this was posted. Derp.

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Lol no need to apologize! Once people start to comment it just updates so everyone can see it :heart: So no worries! I appreciate the help offered!

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