Query Letter Feedback

Hi! I am working on a query letter and would appreciate some help. I’ve already revised it several times, had a few people look at it, and have read many blogs (including QueryShark), but would appreciate some more feedback.

Thanks!

Dear [agent name],

It only takes a single snowstorm for Lina Fontaine’s family to fall apart. When a blizzard in 1937 kills her brother and renders her speechless, Lina and her family move to Marseilles in order to escape the painful memories. Disillusioned and disgusted with her new reality, Lina yearns to hide away from the world. Yet when her father abandons them and threatens to take her beloved sister with him, Lina realizes she can no longer ignore her own struggles.

It is only when Lina meets Luka Fuhrmann, a German-Jewish pianist with a mysterious past, that she begins to have hope again. At the same bookstore she encounters him, she receives a book with a letter tucked between the pages, written by a father pleading for help to find his missing daughter. When she learns there is a monetary reward, Lina realizes this may be the key to saving her own family. Determined to earn enough money so her mother can support both her children, she embarks on a mission with Luka to find this child.

Yet as Lina becomes obsessed with finding the missing girl and spends more and more time with Luka, she finds her frequent absences may only be destroying her crumbling family further. And when Lina’s plan ends up endangering her sister as well as Luka, Lina is forced to decipher what is most important: her family, the boy she loves, or her own desires.

STELLINA is a YA historical fiction novel complete at 90,000 words. I am currently pursuing a BA in English–Creative Writing and am a violinist and pianist.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

It’s not my genre, so my two cents aren’t worth much. But it reads well to me.

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Thanks so much!