Hi! I’ve been working on a query letter to send to a few agents and could use some feedback. I’m not sure if it’s a little too lengthy right now, and I’m hoping it’s not too vague. Any advice is appreciated:)
Dear [Agent Name]:
I’m currently seeking representation for my 80,000 word YA Historical Fiction, STELLINA. Given your interest in [insert personalization], I think this manuscript would be a great fit for you.
When LINA FONTAINE first entered the bookstore, she had hoped merely to find the next engaging novel that would distract her from all her troubles. Little did she know that she’d leave with a book that could save her crumbling family and a ticket to attend the concert of a pianist that would change her life.
After an accident that renders her speechless and kills her brother, fifteen-year-old Lina is forced to move to Marseilles. Heartbroken and disillusioned with life, Lina is disgusted with her new home and the poverty that seems present everywhere in 1930s France. One day, she ventures into a bookstore, and she ends up not only taking home a book, but attending the concert of a German-Jewish pianist, LUKA FUHRMANN.
Following a series of intense arguments with her family, Lina turns to her book for comfort, in the process discovering a letter from a father searching for his missing child. When her own father abandons them and sends for Lina’s sister to live with him in America, Lina becomes determined to keep her family from completely falling apart like the family in the letters. She turns to Luka for comfort, and he offers her a job with him. When Lina discovers their new boss is connected to the missing girl in the letter and is offering a monetary reward if Lina finds her, she realizes this may be her chance to save her sister from leaving Marseilles.
Yet Lina soon realizes that Luka is as mysterious as the letter, and in spite of the dangerous secrets he seems to be concealing and the dangers that come with his being Jewish, Lina cannot help but feel drawn to him more and more. As Lina spends more time with Luka and continues uncovering clues, however, she realizes that in trying to save her crumbling family, she may only be destroying them further. And when the missing child is finally found, Lina is forced to uncover her own identity and decipher what is most important: her family, the boy she loves, or herself.