Rate The Blurb - Werewolf Edition


#21

9/10 I’ve seen the evil mate trope before, but never with a MC tending to the evil side, too. I would be interested in reading if it was done right. Original and intriguing, so well done. Two minor things – I would suggest you use words for numbers (eg. twenty instead of 20) for a more polished feel, and I did find the commas after the word ‘but’ interrupted the flow a little.


Unhappily Ever After

Rhodric Llewellyn is the grandson of a rogue folk hero. When he arrives in Snowdonia, he becomes a rallying point for the dregs of the shifter community, some of whom happen to be amongst the kindest, bravest people ever born. The packs want all of them dead, but they aren’t afraid to fight back.

Rhodric will have to face seven bloodthirsty Alphas, the soulmate he wasn’t supposed to have, and a human who will go to extraordinary lengths to kill him. But no matter what he does, his time in Snowdonia can only end one way - bloody. Because the higher you climb, the further you have to fall.

(I’m particularly looking for any parts which are poorly worded or don’t flow, please)


#22

7.5/10 I like the second part more. However, the first paragraph was a bit confusing and I had to reread it a few times to understand. Since you’re speaking about multiple characters/groups refer from using ‘they’ and be specific cause it may mislead to whom you were referring to. Also, try not to use big words in your plot because the younger audience or non-native English speakers may be overwhelmed. Keep it as simple as possible. But, your plot seems to be very original and fresh. I love the ending too.

Haven

Anna is just a struggling artist trying her best to live her life. And as her life crumbles right at her feet she realizes that the stray dog she feeds on a daily basis is the only company she has in her life. Ignoring the fact that it’s abnormally large, she thinks it would be enough to protect her and keep her company. So she takes him home and starts taking care of it. However, her life takes unexpected turns every day and weird things happen just enough for her to realize that the dog isn’t attracting the weird things in her life. It is the weird thing.


#23

@MunckinBookient 6/10. I love the concept, but the delivery isn’t as good. Try hooking the reader in, expanding your vocabulary, and dabbling into imagery/sensory details even in the blurb. Good descriptions make good authors.


C o b a l t

We used to rip our souls out, watch the physical essence of ourselves lace into each other, and return to our bodies. Forever changed, better or worse.

Now, they collect us in huge hoards. No one knows how, no one knows why, but they find our mates for us.

We are named by the color of our soul.
Scarlett, Canary.
Russet, Coal.

Our wolves would dance behind the scenes, our soul connecting the human to the animal. Each color represented a different connection.

Warm colors would connect to their primal side through
passion,
glee,
positivity.

Cool colors would connect to the inner wolf through
complacency,
sadness,
negativity.

I’ve noticed all mates have the same essence. The same general color. Orange with red. Blue with purple.

The light that shines within me is
warm,
gentle,
sweet.

They call me Honey.

They pushed me in a mob of others.
They pricked and prodded.
Clicked and clucked.
Nipped and nodded.

And then they plopped me next to him.

The light that shone within his eyes was
cold,
rough,
bitter.

They called him Cobalt.


Size 0 Trailers | Closed Until 11/10
#24

@articen I love this introduction. I love the comparisons, the explanations and the way it starts and clicks when it ends. I’d give it a serious, down to earth 10/10. But this is not an introduction, it is supposed to be a blurb. For a blurb this is too long and too informative. These are things you should write as a prologue or depict in your story, but not as something one reads before they even read the first page. It tells me I’m going to read about people with colourful souls. Okay, good to know, but it doesn’t raise any questions or suspense. It answers them before you even know which questions to ask. Maybe just use the last two paragraphs? “The light that shines… They called him Cobalt.” But nonetheless I love the sophisticated and interesting way you wrote it in!

▁ ▁ ▁ ▁ ▁ ▁ ▁ ▁ ▁ ▁ ▁ ▁ ▁ ▁ ▁ ▁ ▁ ▁ ▁ ▁ ▁ ▁ ▁ ▁ ▁ ▁ ▁ ▁ ▁ ▁ ▁ ▁ ▁ ▁ ▁
THE HEART OF A WOLF , by MissFantasyy
— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Fire, Ice and Lightning. That’s what they said destroyed the world.
Humans, they said, brought peace back to Espheros and rebuilt the land in their image.
What they didn’t say, was that the war had only just begun.

Catherine Black, gifted with abilities no one can explain, is the only one who can restore the dangerous imbalance that threatens to wipe out the land of Espheros. Why?

Because the literal half of her precious soul belongs to the race no one thought existed outside folklore and myths. The race that started everything.

And it was fire, ice and lightning that ended it.


#25

I love the intro, the first line had me interested. But, the subplots have me hooked and wanting to know how your MC grows as she learns who and what she is. I’m definitely looking this up for my next read :heart_eyes:

The Alpha’s Queen
Hi, my name is Maritzia. I lived in a big house with my parents, 5 aunts and 5 uncles. Along with 17 other kids. It seems kind of weird, but that’s how we grew up, so we didn’t think anything about it. That was until the night strangers kidnapped all of us from our home. Now I’m learning that a whole different world exist, one that I’ve always thought was a story line for a great book or movies.

When my parents told me about their families, one thing that they forgot to mention is that we are shifter, more widely known as werewolves. Now I’m living the pack life with my mate the pack Alpha. Trying to learning how to be a mate and good Luna for the pack.

Before my mate and I can have our happily ever after, demons from my family’s past have come to find us. Will they ruin everything that my family has built? Or will we overcome our family’s past?


#26

it’s really interesting to see a first person summary for a change, but i have to admit, i would not read on. i think your character introducing herself and finding out she is a shifter is a good plot but i can never get behind a character who introduces themselves at the beginning of a story or summary. it’s considered telling your story instead of showing it. show the reader what the character is going through instead of telling them what’s going on word for word. a little bit of mystery is always good for the story. i would probably give it a 7/10.

Alpha Kaine:
Every year on the prince’s twentieth birthday, his crown is stripped as he becomes equal with his people, taking on the title of Alpha instead.

Anita is a fugitive, and human no less. When a heist go awry, Anita finds herself butting heads with the infamous Alpha Kaine.


#27

Thank you for your input, I hadn’t thought of it that way.


#28

It seems kind of short - but that may just be me. I think you should maybe add a bit more to tell your readers what the story is more about, maybe? Nonetheless, it’s pretty good and I’d click read to check it out. 7/10

Vaguely White

❝The queen of all races, she protected them and in return they served her.❞

Since the dawn of time, werewolves, elves, witches, and healers have all stood up to protect themselves from the bloodthirsty vampires, a race so terrible and bloodthirsty that they will kill anyone to reach whatever goal they may have. Every few centuries, a witch is born who is meant to put the vampires at bay for a few hundred years. She is known as the Magna Pythonissam.


Emery, a young witch of nineteen and descendant of the sorceress, has been aimlessly wandering around Iceland after having lost her memory for the second time. She doesn’t recall what had happened to her the night before she woke up on the highway alone, those who are pursuing her in hopes of killing her, and those who are anxiously awaiting her return.

Officers August and Alexander are brothers who protect and enforce the law in a town where a small pack of werewolves abide. After having lost their one and only soulmate years ago, they have been living in hope that she would one day return to them. So when she ends up on their doorstep on a cold and snowy night, the brothers are given a third chance at life and to protect what’s theirs.


#29

I like the rivalry between Blake and Victor Abigail now has to figure herself out while Dealing with her past and present problems on top of mastering her powers. I don`t have any critism I liked it :grin:

I havent published any stories to wattpad so Ill be making mine on the spot

The boy in the shed

The story takes place in the country on Alister farm, where a family of three lives. Well, a Married couple. The family fell apart after the death of their eldest son Michael. The younger son Jack was kicked out to the barn, and treated as their dirty little secret. He lives in the barn and does farm work like a muel on two legs. But he has a secret of his own, a secret he shared with his older brother. One that was unfortunately the cause of his death. He burried his secret and tried to forget, but a side ignored has other ways of showing itself. His senses usually peak at night. But, as result of supressing them. He can hear the chickens clucking from barn and smell when the crops a ready for harvest. Carrying this burden has left him lonely. but will he be lonely forever? The answer is no, one day a stranger arrives at the farm. She plans to take the farm from The Alisters. Now he has to decide between escaping from the people that were once his parents or saving the farm he and his brother grew up on. I might make this a story but I`m not sure.:thinking:


#30

frankly, the summary you provided is really messy and all over the place. the summary isn’t really a summary, it’s more of you telling the reader what is going to happen in your story before they read like a bullet point list. there’s definitely an information overload when you tell the story, i’d really recommend you pick one of those problems to advertise your story by and stick with that or shorten your summary so the reader knows what is happening without getting confused by all the information that doesn’t belong there. i additionally am having an extremely hard time trying to figure out where the werewolf portion comes in. i probably wouldn’t read this with the summary as is but if you cleaned it up there’s a chance i would be interested in it. i’d give this a 3/10 as is for all the reason’s i have mentioned above.

Alpha Kaine:
Every year on the prince’s twentieth birthday, his crown is stripped as he becomes equal with his people, taking on the title of Alpha instead.

Anita Goldstein is a fugitive, and human no less. When a heist go awry and Anita’s life is put on the line, she finds herself butting heads with the infamous Alpha Kaine, who is convinced she is a rogue sent to destroy them all.


#31

8/10
I really like the idea and the first sentence is intriguing but the second part of the blurb seems slightly disjointed from the first.

Mated
Mates. Two halves of one soul. Two bodies, one heart. Two destinies, one fate.
At 21 years of age, Amaia had long given up the hope of finding a mate. She now invested her time in learning the art of werewolf healing and attempting to finish her university degree. An exchange opportunity - an opportunity to spend time away from her pack - offered by the university seems like a blessing to her. Little does she know that this will only thrust her deeper into the world of werewolves as she is thrown right into the arms of her mate, Xavier, Beta of the Crescent Pack. Her claims her instantly, promising that he is her soulmate and lover.
They say that the moon goddess never picks incorrectly, then why can’t Amaia stop herself from being drawn towards Logan, Alpha of her mate’s pack? Risking heartbreak, the wrath of a goddess and falling in love, Amaia begins a journey to discover more about not only werewolves, but also herself.


#32

8/10 it is well written and it seems different from all the other werewolf books out there. It def made me want to see what goes on in the book.

Witch’s wolves

An age-old battle with a wolf almost as old as time itself brings a bigger card to the table that threatens Humans and magical creatures alike. It makes protecting everyone for the Alpha King and his red guard impossible.

A break in what really is happening gives them all hope of defeating this old enemy. The form of a bitten girl that escaped the grasps of this wolf gives them insight and they have half of the riddle solved.

When the girl found who she is in the world loses it all with one bite. Now she has to build her confidence back up, fight demons and rediscover her place in this world that seems to get even bigger while helping to solve the battle that might save the world in the nick of time.


#33

7/10 It rambles a bit, with some info being repeated. “The break/in the form” could be tightened up. The first sentence with the girl is not a proper sentence. “Loses it/build confidence” repeats the concept. “Rediscover” implies she knew it once before. Does she solve the battle (versus win it), or have the key to solving the riddle? “Nick of time” gives away the suspense in the plot. You could reword it into a question.


Little Wolf:

Ulric Wolcott, know as Little Wolf by his friends and family, was ready to leave his childhood home and go make his mark on the world as a man.

For him, there was no boundary between man and wolf.

His Native American heritage from his mother gave him access to his spirit guide, the Spirit of the Wolf itself. The Spirit of the Wolf blended easily with the wolf nature he received from his werewolf father.

The first werewolf he met outside his family set his feet on the path to his promised new name. An encounter with a young girl who would become pivotal in his life would seal it.

Little Wolf was being led by his spirit guide to become not only the ruling Alpha of Spirit Wolf’s worldly pack, but King to all werewolves!

:wolf::paw_prints:•*

This is the beginning of the Brother Wolf Saga novels. Each story stands alone, but involves characters in the other stories.


#34

7/10 I actually like the story idea and the way you wrote it, but I think you might be explaining too much in your blurb. I would rather figure out how his nickname has come to guide him - why that he is even called Little Wolf. Same thing with the spirit wolf. I’d try to write it in a matter that raises more questions than answering them. Leave out the first sentence. Start with the second. For Ulric Wolvott, there was no boundary between man and wolf. (For example.) And then introduce the spirit guide leading him towards becoming king and mentioning that the first werewolf he met was to assist him. :werewolf:

:winterstars: :winterstars: :winterstars: :winterstars: :winterstars: :winterstars:

Fire, Ice and Lightning. That’s what they said destroyed the world.
Humans, they said, brought peace back to Espheros and rebuilt the land in their image.
What they didn’t say, was that the war had only just begun.

Catherine Black, gifted with abilities no one can explain, is the only one who can restore the dangerous imbalance that threatens to wipe out the land of Espheros. Why?

Because the literal half of her precious soul belongs to the race no one thought existed outside folklore and myths. The race that started everything.

And it was fire, ice and lightning that ended it.


#35

Hmmm… 6/10, a little ungainly.
On a technical not, take out the comma after “What they didn’t say,” it just makes that line sound more awkward than it has to be. But the whole line itself is kind of cliche. Actually, if I may take the liberty of streamlining all this…

Fire, Ice and Lightning. That’s what they said destroyed the world.

Catherine Black, gifted with abilities no one understands, is the only person who can restore the growing imbalance that threatens to wipe out the land of Espheros. Why? Because half her soul belongs to the race no one thought existed outside folklore and myths–the race that started everything.

And it was fire, ice and lightning that ended it.

And now, for mine…

Even by werewolf standards, Sammy’s had a rough life. He lost his parents as a child, wound up homeless, and got himself captured by human scientists for use in horrific experiments. Now that he’s been rescued and adopted by a pack, he has a chance to start a new life for himself, but can he put his ghosts behind him and form the bonds he so desperately needs with his new family?


#36

it seems interesting, there are certainly things that i think might be interesting about it. the way he adjusts to pack life, for example. however, i feel like there is a lot to be expanded upon when it comes to the summary. i would suggest splitting it up and making a few changes that might capture the reader a bit more. i was a bit interested, but for the most part, it just felt like it was lacking something that would motivate me to go searching for it to read. i’d give it a 7/10.

Alpha Kaine:
Every year on the prince’s twentieth birthday, his crown is stripped as he becomes equal with his people, taking on the title of Alpha instead.

• • •

Anita Goldstein is a fugitive, and human no less. When a heist go awry and Anita’s life is put on the line, she finds herself butting heads with the infamous Alpha Kaine, who is convinced she is a rogue sent to destroy them all.

if whoever critiques my summary gives me bad marks you should probably give me some feedback so i can make it better, thank you in advance to whoever takes the time to rate it!


#37

7/10.

I’m interested by the twist, regarding the prince’s twentieth birthday, but I’m not too certain on what you’re trying to state here. Are you stating that the prince is twenty, every year? Or simply twenty once? Again, this could be put down to my inexperience within the writing field, but as a reader, I wouldn’t understand what you’re trying to state. Also, possibly include more information regarding Alpha Kaine? Rather than the fact he’s undertaking the title of Alpha. Still, I’m interested by the story, but I guess I’m a little…lost.

**MINE **

"YOUR MAJESTY"

At the age of twenty-four, Amidale Thornton is inexperienced, female and taking on an empire. Crowned Queen of all Werewolves, and Alpha of the Thornton originating tribe, one would assume Amidale Thornton has it all. The only thing missing? Her mate.

Destiny lies along an uncharted course…and there is no denying it.


His dark eyes are small and spaced evenly apart, sitting below trim eyebrows that seemed to curve as a natural extension of his broad, rounded nose. A shadow casts on his full lips, which are pursed. His face is held forward in a steady gaze, a sudden air of authority surrounding him that’s… palpable. An expression I’m unable to decipher suddenly flickers throughout the specks present in his enlarged pupils, as his lips curve in an angry frown. His dark eyes abruptly disconnect from mine, breaking the unfamiliar, captivating trance.

It’s him.


I don’t like this blurb, to put it simply. Never have. Any advice is appreciated!


#38

Just wanted to point out that your blurb is not interesting. But i do know that you can make it even better by not having it sound like a cliche. Overall I’ll give it a 6/10.

Here’s my blurb of my book Seventy days.

Luri, a rich werewolf who bet her struggling medicine business, have to travel around the world in seventy days to simply win a wager of twenty million dollars. Will she make it back home in time?


#39

It’s promising. IMO open with a catchy hook (a one-liner that makes readers take notice.) Then, introduce your character, their goal and the flaw or antagonist getting in the way of accomplishing that goal. Don’t give away too much or it’ll turn off some readers. But, give us just enough insight into your story to make us want to read more. It helps when you know how the story ends, even if you’re not done writing it yet. Hope that’s helpful! :smiley:


#40

7/10 To me, this is a great teaser, but I wouldn’t consider it a blurb. We meet the main character. We see a little of what’s standing in the way of her goal. It seems a no-brainer that she’s up against impossible odds. However, we don’t really know what this story is about, what time period it’s in, what other characters are involved, etc. Would you try making it longer to give readers a greater sense of what’s going on? I’ve seen some writers even snatch an excerpt from their book and add it to the blurb. That might expand it some.

Here’s mine, recently re-written, so I’d love feedback:

A SUPERNATURAL PASSION COMPELS THEM

Aurie Edison is just in Overlay City to complete some unfinished business. But a rich, powerful vampire has deadly plans for her stay. Bad time for a love triangle? Meet the psychic Mx. Mys and Detective Zyr Ravani. Developing a kink for these two is like begging for floods and forest fires. A disaster, naturally.

Good thing Aurie’s already dead.

Now Detective Zyr must solve what happened to her. Does burning out of control for the victim and her conduit count as a distraction? With his career in the balance, the line between crazy and love is a tightrope walk on the wild side.

And this werewolf knows a thing or two about being wild.

The genderqueer Mx. Mys wants to believe in forever. But it doesn’t take a psychic to know all good things come to an end. When the vampire threat gets closer, Mys must decide whether it’s better to have loved and lost or not to have loved at all.

Before it’s too late.

In a world where nothing is what it seems, they’ve finally found something real…

Spend Halloween with this sweet paranormal romance. Guaranteed to keep you coming back for more. #ItsYourTime #ReadHappy