Rate The Blurb - Werewolf Edition


#41

One reason you might not like it is because it’s-

This is what someone looks like. I feel a connection.

It has nothing really that hints at plot, other than a very generic- Two people meet.


#42

It’s far from cliche, I suppose that’s just how it sounds. lol thanks anyway


#43

ok here is my blurb or description for my story ,Cub .

The Cub is a lone wolf on the run from the chaos that created by being a werewolf.He is not a ormal werewolf as the Beast he becomes is bigger than most adults. Who do you trust when your experience is betrayal or non acceptance. With the world against him, The Cub is finding his way of who he is.


#44

You didn’t rate the one above you, but I’ll go ahead and rate yours and the other one to keep this moving

6/10
One point taken off for the grammar mistakes. And the rest for confusion. I am not sure really what he is running from. That he is bigger than others? And what does “chaos that created by being a werewolf” mean? Every werewolf book is different, so I’d clarify what that means here. For example, in a society where werewolves are hunted, or easily outcast, that would should be mentioned. OR if the society accepts werewolves with no issue, but he is having pack issues, then mention that. Or explain why he is a lone wolf.


#45

6/10

It’s written in a very casual manner and could be improved with more refined sentence structures. The rest of it was confusing, especially throwing in that Aurie is dead, after just mentioning she was alive. I’d recommend just cutting out the first paragraph and put “Detective Zyr must uncover what happened to Aurie, who seemed to be a victim of an affluent and powerful vampire.” Also, you mention that the werewolf is wild, but there is never any indication of who that werewolf is. And I am still not sure what Zyr is facing, as what does “burning out of control for the victim” mean? Is he in love with the dead Aurie? If so, I’d put something more about “He meets Aurie through the conduit Mx. Mys, and he develops a passion for both, the line between crazy and love becoming a tightrope to walk.”

Overall, I’d suggest trying to condense it and going less for shock value and more for information. Blurbs aren’t really meant to do anything other than tell a reader if the story is right for them or not. It was hard to follow what was happening.

Mine: Blood Type R

Cora Gabris belongs to humanity, a nearly extinct race in the Americas by 2043. When it’s discovered that she has a rare blood type useful to lycans - an evolution of werewolves - she is taken from her village. She is presented to the Alpha of Reiger, and it is decided that they need her to realize the potential that her blood has by becoming one of them.


#46

I changed the blurb a little bit to make it sound more interesting. I won’t share it right now but I made it sound better.


#47

Thanks for the thought-provoking critique! I’ll give it another shot and post a revision soon. I appreciate the help.


#48

7.8/10 I’m no expert at literature. Plus, I’m not a professional critic either. I read what entertains me. But I can say it sounds good to be checked out.

My Ex-Boyfriend is a Werewolf

Christine Annabella De Ravin thought she was going to spend the rest of her life with the perfect boyfriend after high school. But she didn’t expect a break up. Devastated, she drinks herself drunk and follows Luke back to his place. Christine meets the real reason why Luke dumped her; Angela-someone he claims as his mate. What else can go wrong when Christine is kidnapped to be used as a bargain and caught in a conflict between werewolves and vampires?


#49

@sarahgrimm2018

@Multijoys

Hey guys! After debating and pondering over my blurb, I basically scrapped the entire lot and got to work. Leave your thoughts on this one! It’s a rough copy, and there are parts I dislike but I am sure the ones you dislike, I will agree on. I took into consideration what you said @Multijoys, and this is the result.

I wrote this in… half an hour? scratches head and shrugs

(Please, be as honest as you desire)

At the age of twenty-four, Amidale Thornton is inexperienced, female and taking on an empire. Crowned Queen of all Werewolves, and Alpha of the Thornton originating tribe, one would assume Amidale Thornton has it all.

That was, right up until she was confronted with two choices - two choices that will completely turn her world upside down. She will soon learn just how badly her world is broken when she discovers hidden heritage secrets, long-lost friendships, unsuspecting romance in the unlikeliest of places, and Kael Magyar, a man who wants the Thornton tribe as his, and her, dead.

Allowed only four months to make a choice, follow Amidale on her journey, a journey jam-packed with happiness, sadness, lust, anger and love in redvioletolive’s novel ‘Your Majesty’ as she discovers parts of herself she never knew existed. Will she decide before time’s up?

Destiny lies along an uncharted course… and there is no denying it.


#50

You still need to review the one above you


#51

I reviewed the one above mine before ^ this is just referring to the two people who provided me with some advice regarding my first copy!


#52

ooooo. This is a very well written blurb that has a sort of professionalism that compels me to read what seems like a well written book also. It, personally doesnt seem to be revealing too much of the plot. i think i like your blurb so much because the story itself is interesting.

Surrender

Amelia Soren is much beloved by the Soren’s werewolf community. For twenty years, she’s lived among friends and family, loved by all that’s met her. A month before she turns twenty-one, the time has come for Amelia to leave everything and everyone she knows. But the question remains: will she fight against fate? Or will she surrender?

Nicolai Knight wants nothing to do with the woman that’s been promised to him. While their union promises to bring peace between rival packs, all Nicolai wants is for her to go away. Yet an unexpected turn of events shows that perhaps she’s the one for him after all. Whether he’ll accept it or not is another matter entirely.

With Amelia and Nicolai at each others throat, unfortunately, the both of them are too obstinate to Surrender to each other.


#53

The blurb is well-written. I can’t really point out much, except grammatical/spelling errors. “…friends and family, love by all who’ve met her.” … “rivaling packs” (not 100% sure, though, but I think) … “to surrender to each other.” (no capital S)

I like the whole structure. You introduce her side, his side, then bring them together. I’m just reluctant to get hooked on the whole forced marriage, they hate each other, so on and so forth concept. (Let’s be honest, chances of them not ending up realizing they better love each other are likely to be thin.)

So, positively put: You should think about adding something that makes your plot unique.

From: Lone Wolves
(which will be my very first attempt at a werewolf story)

Aku has always dreamed of finding his mate; the one who could make or break him with a single smile. Yet there’s only a limited number of wolf shifters on a seemingly endless planet, so his chances of finding that special someone are slim. He’s a romantic, though, and definitely not hopeless.

Luc isn’t interested in pack life, and he doesn’t believe in the fairytales that promise every wolf a soulmate. He’s very pragmatic, only interested in getting to the next day. But when he meets Aku, his life gets turned upside down.

(I’ll probably add something more telling about where this is going when I’ve come up with more of the plot. It’s mainly an idea for now. Also, it’s manXman.)


#54

(Good luck! On your first werewolf book :calmwolf:)

I don’t quite understand this sentence.

Other wise it looks pretty good. You might try and highlight the conflict or struggles more, increase the tension felt. Bring the reader or rather pull them further in with a hook. Some them really want to know how the conflict will be resolved.

~Summary~
If you asked shifters about a female named Opalescence Alkingsly they wouldn’t understand and if you asked them about the legend of Red, it sometimes sparked a distant memory worn away with the passage of time. However, more often than not it too would be met with a look of confusion.

Legends sometimes fade, forgotten and lost within the past. But the few that remember, and pass on the tales, for them the legends live on.

~~

From the moment she was born, Red was destined to leave her mark on the world. Both blessed to make a change and cursed to find her end, she wants for something the world cannot give her. A second chance. Her visions were painful, driving her to stain her hands with the colour that gave her, her name. All Red ever wanted was to wash her hands clean, but as she learns quickly, some stains aren’t so easy to remove.

One choice was all it took to set her along a path with no way out. The consequences of one’s action never give second chances as Red finds out. She travels in search of a cure, and her past will affect her future.

~~

Her tale, forgotten by many in the sands of time, her choices built a foundation.


#55

There’s a phrase called “hopeless romantic” that I’m referring to :slight_smile:


#56

Yeah I though so, lol. It just sounds wrong in my mind :calmwolf:


#57

7/10 The very first sentence starts off great but it ends kind of abruptly - they wouldn’t understand… what? What wouldn’t they understand? I think this raises unnecessary confusion… Well the entire first paragraph has a lot of potential, it’s definitely a great start but you have quite a few grammar errors and sentences weaved into each other where they should be separated and kept a bit more simple. I like the second paragraph (first comma isn’t needed). I’m in love though with the introduction of Red. All of it. Hands down, THATS good! That part I’m giving a solid 9/10 (some spelling mistakes or else you’d have a clear 10)

:werewolf::winterstars:

The Ancients:
Catherine Black learns the hard way that sometimes, things are meant to fall apart. Some rules are meant to be broken, even if it goes against her rule-following nature. But breaking century old rules is not the only thing Catherine needs to come to terms with - being promised to a human isn’t a walk in the park either.
Having pack-mates murdered and strangers knocking on your doorstep doesn’t exactly make matters better…

Problems pile up. Secrets.

And so many damn questions.


#58

Hey again stranger!

7/10 - I think having 3 sentences talking about rules was a bit much and felt less like a catchy synopsis and more like it was trying to sound really interesting. I absolutely loved the last line though of the first paragraph!

Maybe something like:

Catherine Black learns the hard way that sometimes, things are meant to fall apart. Some rules, including centuries old ones, are meant to be broken, even if it goes against her rule-following nature. Although that’s just the start of where everything starts to go wrong - being promised to a human isn’t a walk in the park either.
Having pack-mates murdered and strangers knocking on your doorstep doesn’t exactly make matters better…

Mine from Blood Type R:

Cora Gabris belongs to humanity, a nearly extinct race in the Americas by 2043. When it’s discovered that she has a rare blood type useful to lycans - an evolution of werewolves - she is taken from her village.

Once presented to the Alpha of Reiger, it is decided that they need her to realize the potential that her blood has by becoming one of them. All she wants to do is return home, but covert pressures are placed on her that change everything. She must now fight to win the alpha that she was taken for, or face terrible consequences.


#59

Thank you for the feedback - would you mind if I actually use what you wrote? I love it!


#60

Yeah that’s fine!!! I’m glad I helped :smiley: