Rate The Blurb - Werewolf Edition

#61

Lone Wolves rated blurb: 6/10

I think if you said something at the beginning more like, "Aku, a romantic, though, not hopeless, has always dreamed…

Even then, I just don’t think the sentence or gesture itself is put together well. I don’'t think it flows well at the end where it is even more so though. I think once you have the plot down it will help you make a clearer blurb.

It’s a good blurb but I feel it is missing something, maybe a hook? or something to tie the conflict in, what is going to pull the reader in besides them being opposites?
Hope this helps! (:

#62

The Ancients: 7/10

“Rule-following nature” really didn’t flow well for me when I read it, it seemed repetitive with word “rule” and I think you can find a smoother way to make that flow with the sentence. Other then that, most of it was good besides the two ending sentences, I found them a little confusing rather then hooking me into the story. You could end it with something like, “problems pile up, and so many damn secrets.” Just a thought, I am no professional here. (: I do like how you kept it short and simple, but also getting the intriguing parts of the story. I think with some minor fixes, you will have a solid blurb.

My blurb:
Title: The Luna Among Alphas
Blurb:
Zara Denver, Luna of the Solstice Pack, finds herself leading the strongest pack across the globe. She’s the first female werewolf to lead an entire pack by herself… and unlike most females, she’s ruthless, but how much is she willing to sacrifice to keep her position of power?

#63

10/10 I wouldn’t change a thing. While it’s concise, it gives the plot line, and anyone who likes this kind of story will be intrigued.

Sister Wolf-

Cancer was her enemy. Thirteen year old Tammy read all the fantasy stories. Her dream, with all her heart, was to be bitten by a werewolf. She would then heal automatically and be cured of her of cancer. The werewolf who would bite her would be her mate and love her unconditionally, treating her like a princess. He would smell divine. She would feel those magical tingles when they touched. There would be sparks when he gave her her very first ever kiss! She would have her happily ever after.

This is the story of a dream come true, but not the way she imagined it.

#64

That’s a relief to hear, I was worried it was too vague. (: Thank you so much!

Sister Wolf: 9/10

I saw some minor grammar errors, with those being fixed it will flow nicely and be a solid 10/10 in my opinion. One that stood out to me was, “he gave her her very first kiss,” and that could be easily solved with a comma or a dash between “her her.”

On a side note: I really liked the story line, it’s unique. (:

#65

Thank you very much for your input! I re-wrote it - it’d be great if you’d check it out and tell me if it’s improved? :smile:

–
Catherine Black learns the hard way that sometimes things are meant to fall apart. Some rules, including ones that are centuries old, are meant to be broken.
Once the little community of Everett Valley slowly starts to deteriorate, Catherine knows she needs to decide quickly whether to stay or leave behind everything she once knew. Knowing that there is an unknown danger lurking in the shadows, leaving proves to be an even harder feat. But what if the murderers follow Catherine on her quest to find answers? What if that was the plan all along?

Apparently, everything is connected to them.
The Ancients.
Whoever they are…

#66

It’s definitely improved, the last part is strong and really grabs the readers attention. The beginning is also well-written. I would give it a 9/10, the only thing I could suggest is that maybe choose one strong intriguing question, instead of multiple. I am not trying to be over-critical, so I apologize if it seems that way, I am just trying to help you the best I can and give my opinion of the blurb as a reader, not so much a writer. If I read this, I would most likely read the story, but I think you can make it stronger by leaving one strong question. I hope it makes sense, blurbs are difficult. (:

#67

Am I missing someone? The last blurb I see was by Multijoys and Timmarica got it. I’m happy to give another review, and if I missed someone- let me know.

Sister Wolf- 8/10- This definitely tugs on the heartstrings and let’s readers know right away they’re in for something different. The only thing I would suggest is varying your sentence structure a bit- It starts to feel very choppy towards the end because they’re all shorter sentences written the same way. Maybe combine some of them to give a little more flow.

Forbidden:

Vanessa- Van- Anderson has just one goal for herself: make her father so angry with her he’ll kick her out of the house. It shouldn’t be hard. After all, until two months ago, he didn’t know she existed. When her mother and little brother died in a car accident, he became her guardian. Without so much as a please, he took her away from the bustling city life she’d shared with her family and moved her into his home- a rambling mansion in a haunting little town called Briarwood.

Luca Brooks has never lived anywhere but Briarwood, and he knows he never will. His family signed a contract centuries ago- their continued survival in exchange for freedom. When Van arrives at the Academy, he’s intrigued by her- not just because she’s beautiful but because she represents everything he can never have. For one brief moment, he thinks a taste of the new girl might quench his thirst for the outside world, but that hope goes up in flames when he discovers her father is the very man behind his family’s imprisonment.

They’re mortal enemies- destined to hate one another, hunt one another, end one another. Forbidden.

But sometimes Fate has other plans.

#68

10/10 With the caveat readers have no idea what “the Academy” is. An aside could help, i.e. “the Academy, the boarding school everyone of a certain social status attends,” or something to that effect. Other than that, you do a great job introducing the main characters, the conflict and the plot twist. Kudos!

A SUPERNATURAL PASSION COMPELS THEM

Aurie Edison probably shouldn’t be in Overlay City. Humans don’t know about this mystical world of ley lines hidden within New Orleans. But a brilliant empath named Mx. Mys pledges to be a guide and help find Aurie’s unfinished business before her Afterlife expires.

See, Aurie’s dead.

But being dead won’t protect her in a place where Supernaturals roam. Detective Zyr Ravani must keep Aurie’s Ghost safe. After all, she’s the only witness to the hit and run he’s investigating-the one that put her in limbo.

The detective can’t let the victim and her friend, Mys, become a distraction. His career in the Real-World hinges on this case. The desire is mutual. A plethora of ravishing scenarios await if the trio give in and go wild.

And Zyr-the werewolf-knows a thing or two about wildness.

Mys senses danger, however. Someone’s still after Aurie. An ultra-rich denizen of the night with a killer history of kissing the girls and making them cry. The lovers face extraordinary risks as they fight to be together, against all odds.

Yet, it doesn’t take a psychic to know nothing lasts forever. As the threat closes in, Mys must decide whether it’s better to have loved and lost or not to have loved at all. In a world where nothing is what it seems, what’s real?

Mys unveils a startling secret that throws everything into question.

Introducing an adventurous tale of self-discovery, magic and menagé a trois. LEAD ME ASTRAY is a fresh new story from an authentic LGBTQ voice. Add this unicorn to your reading list and find out why it’s a winner. #TakeYourTime #ReadHappy

#69

7/10

It’s definitely a lot better than the previous one I read! I actually know what’s going on and you present it well. I gave 7/10 because two things:

  • There are a lot of people introduced and it is a bit overwhelming
  • This synopsis basically tells me the whole first part of the story. This means readers won’t have anything to surprise themselves with. Essentially, the synopsis has a lot of spoilers.

Save revealing Aurie is dead for the book. Just be super vague about it, such as, “Ms. Mys has made a pledge to help a soul navigate the Afterlife. A detective finds his way into the mix as the lost soul holds the answer to a case he is working on. Nothing is as simple as it seems, however, as someone is hunting the lost soul. The detective and Mx. Mys must work together to find the killer, and also protect their ghost who is stuck in limbo.”

Everything else is just excess information that doesn’t help much, if that makes any sense.

You are going in a great direction with it though!!!

Blood Type R:

Cora Gabris belongs to humanity, a nearly extinct race in the Americas by 2043. When it’s discovered that she has a rare blood type useful to lycans - an evolution of werewolves - she is taken from her village. Once presented to the Alpha of Reiger, it is decided that they need her to realize the potential of her blood by becoming one of them. All she wants to do is return home, but covert pressures change everything. Her life no longer matters as someone close to her is placed in danger.

The Matriarchs demand that she find a mate, so he may harness the power of her blood. The lycans will do anything to survive as a war with the human hunters closes in on them.

The Goddess watches over all.

#70

8/10 cause I’m probably going to read it now and so it does it’s job. I’m pretty terrible at blubs myself but I shall do my best!

I love the first paragraph but it has such a nice hook to it because it is something so different from other werewolf stories. My question would be, a rare blood type useful to the lycans…should it be an evolution for werewolves? My next question would be do you need the sentence “she is taken from her village.” I think it is hinted enough at with being presented to the Alpha and now all she wants to do is return home.

The one thing I think you should take out is “The Goddess watches over all.” It seems so out of left field? If that makes sense? Unless the Goddess plays a huge part in the story.

All Freya ever had was her twin brother with her mother murdered, a father never in the picture, and twice rejected. She grew up strong, fierce, wearing an army of masks to keep even her closest friends at bay from her dangerous game of secrets. Freya never expected the Mother Goddess to pair her up with male worthy of her, one who would not dominate or hide her from the world but stand by her side as she shakes the foundation of the world.

Alexios had waited for his Moon’s Gift for many long centuries. He did it for he simply wanted a love like his parents had. He waited for centuries but the Goddess or a Moon Maiden never paired him with another, that is, until now. But Freya is playing a dangerous game that could ignite the flames of war that draws him in as a player and partner. Will they wind up dead caught in the crossfire?

#71

Replying to Blood Type R; 9/10.
I agree with the last post, Goddess watches over all, is not needed.

#72

Visions
Andrea Jordan is haunted by menacing nightmares. She has recurring premonitions of her own death and is powerless to stop her destiny. She is known in the Cajun community as a Traiteur; a faith healer. Andrea’s life is shattered; when she has visions of a feral beast killing women in New Orleans. Terrified by the experience, she turns to the police. Now, with the help of a seasoned homicide detective. Andrea must battle her inner demons and find the courage to destroy the man she loves.

#73

Thank you so much for the help! And your reply made me smile for sure. I’m so glad it works for you :smiley:

Thank you for the input! I took it out. They are sort of religious, more than the usual “let’s casually mention the goddess from time to time,” and they use a lot of magic that they think comes from her. But I agree that it looks better without it! So thank you! I am glad it works for you as well :smiley:

#74

I mean you might be able to fit it in if you phrase it differently or mention it in the book. You actually made me think how I ended my summary originally with “some fates find us.” I was like huh, this doesn’t quite belong here though I do mention it in my story.

#75

Yeah I totally get what you mean that it’s more of a random statement that is meant to sort of entice the reader and also give more flavor to the summary. The Matriarchs are essentially lycans that aren’t very powerful physically, but they can harness a lot of power and worship the goddess heavily, and they are a crucial part of the story.

But, if the blurb is already working for people as it is, then I am starting to think that I don’t need to add that line. I mostly added it in case the blurb wasn’t working.

Blurbs are hard, haha.

#76

Blurbs are hard! I’m always wondering if it is “hook” enough without giving to much away.

Jilt’s blurb is the only one I have actually felt satisfied with and told that it is at least engaging enough.

#77

6/10
Honestly, I’m not too sure what to rate it. It shows that the story contains something of a Romance but the way you worded it isn’t particularly appealing to me.

Its mostly just the grammar i believe. Maybe going "All that Freya ever had, was her twin brother. Her mother murdered, and a father who was never in the picture. Her love rejected on more than one account.

She grew up strong and fierce, wearing…"

I don’t know if its just my personal taste but i think maybe going along those line would help? Hopefully others chime in with their knowledge and opinions.

My turn!

The passage of time has brought about many words. Among one of those worlds a goddess named Eirene was born. Shortly after her birth, she created a world of her own, . A world she loved and held dearly close to her heart. A world filled with beauty and chaos. One without name.

She knew that despite her love for her people, there should be a balance between good and evil. As merciful as the goddess was she bestowed her people with blessings which later becomes known as benedictions. She couldn’t bring herself to harm them, even for their own good.

As her world grew, she struggled to keep up with her population. Seeking help, she granted magic to the ones who ruled and to the ones who were meant to rule. This action alone brought the world to its knees. Power was unavoidably abused.

Among the few selected there was a new born, who upon request from a third party, received Irene’s divine favor. With that favor came responsibility, which in his later years he could not handle. He was meant to right the goddess’ wrongs, and do what her heart could not.

And so, witness the story of Nephen’s miserable struggles as told by those around him

#78

I like the backstory and the tale, but i didn’t get a clear feel of what the book is about. I think that you should’ve introduced your main character some more. 6/10.

Surrender

Amelia Soren is much beloved by the Soren’s werewolf community. For twenty years, she’s lived among friends and family, loved by all that’s met her. A month before she turns twenty-one, the time has come for Amelia to leave everything and everyone she knows. But the question remains: will she fight against fate? Or will she surrender?

Nicolai Knight wants nothing to do with the woman that’s been promised to him. While their union promises to bring peace between rival packs, all Nicolai wants is for her to go away. Yet an unexpected turn of events shows that perhaps she’s the one for him after all. Whether he’ll accept it or not is another matter entirely.

With Amelia and Nicolai at each others throat, unfortunately, the both of them are too obstinate to Surrender to each other.

There’s a difference between “you belong with me” and “you belong to me”.

#79

Oh I like the promise of this one, definitely. The only thing that stopped me for a bit from continuing reading on when reading about Amelia, was the sentence that she had to leave - not because it was bad, but because I felt like I was missing something, so I was going back a few times to see what I perhaps had missed - then I kept reading further and under Nicolai it became clear why she was leaving, but perhaps I would have written something about how she is promised to him in her bit of the blurb?

I liked Nicoali’s bit, I like the last sentence in his, it gives a good feeling with what we are working with :blush:

Also the last last sentence - I like that as an ending, but I would probably word it a bit different so it fits with the rest of the text? but this is really just my opinion. I would probably write it like: For you see, there is a difference between “you belong with me” and “you belong to me”.
So all in all, a fine blurb :slight_smile: I would rate it 8/10.

Oh boy, it’s been a long time since I was really active and on the old forum, so this is my first time on the new forum, but lets give it a go shall we :slight_smile:

From my story - Under the Moon:

Soul names

The most valuable to a werewolf’s person. The hidden name that is interlocked with the very being of one’s self.

It is this very name that sets that one individual aside from the masses. This one name shall come forth when you stand before the one, the one true mate. It bares everything within you and a bond stronger than most forms.

Right before all hell breaks loose, Blake finds his one true mate - just to find out that his true mate rejects his soul name, tries to shatter the very bond to dust and run away. What is a fairy tale for most, is a painful nightmare for Blake. But Blake was never one to give up.

Ember stands once again in a situation where running is the only option left. So, she runs. But the matters of the heart are complicated affairs, and Ember finds out just that, when she meets her fated one, her soul mate.

But it’s not just an unexpected mate that needs attention. Hell’s doors are about to open and the werewolves has an enemy set out to destroy all hope for the future of all werewolf kind and Ember might just have been the one leading it straight to Blake’s door.

#80

7.8/10 The summary is well written in simple terms and straight to the point. However, it’s rather similar to most stories I’ve read. I would find it hard to pick up to read.

The Last Bloodline (in process of editing)

Two hundred and fifty years ago, the new King of the Were Clans ordered the massacre of the Direwolf race. Accumulating their power in his hands proved him to be a merciless leader raiding foreign lands that crossed paths with powerful enemies. Planning an army of warriors, the king recruits the best to fight along his side results in the creation of an annual tradition known as the Gathering - a mandatory event held yearly where each clan much choose one candidate to participate in the games of trials and trivias. Those who fail to comply are to be executed. Throughout history, he continued his reign in the shadows, waiting for the opportunity to conquer mankind and announce their existence to the world.

Angela and her adopted father shares a secret that no one knows. Carrying the blood that runs in her veins, Angela is the last of her kind. Avoiding the Gathering successfully year after year, the King had finally commanded her participation. Otherwise, her head is displayed as a renegade.

When the suspicion of her identity raises a question, her father will do anything to protect it, at the cost of his life. What will become of Angela in the fatal games of life and death?