The first sentence seems a little redundant and I think there could be more conflict and details.
The blurb I made recently is akin to an honest trailer, but for my own book. I wonder whether it’s funny enough.
Thought up by some guy that uses an anagram to “Pseudonym” as a pen name, comes yet another medieval fantasy novel, that is about as creative as his pseudonym :
The Lightning Tyrant
In a magical world, which is basically a copy of middle age europe, but with magic and stuff, the capital of the kingdom is attacked by an army of… orcs, which definitely haven’t been used as the bad guys before in any other book or video game ever. But there are not only orcs, no. Symon Pude completely overwhelms you with eight fμcking different humanoid magical races in addition to normal humans, and everyone of them has a different magic. There are Orcs, Elves, Dwarves, Berserkers(Big, scary motherfμckers), Gargoyles(Greedy, blue assholes), Zivots (red haired bigots with fangs), Albos(magic Albinos with good eyes) and Souvras(Basically lizards looking and acting like people).
Don’t bother learning all those names, even the main character didn’t know all of them in the beginning.
So, wait a minute. There’s 8 different races and not even one has dark skin? Symon, are you sure you want to get the rancor of more than one ethnicity because of underrepresentation?
Instead of following an aspiring, young mage with a lot of determination, we just see the world through the eyes of … … Yeah, the name of the protagonist isn’t even mentioned once in the whole book. He’s just your regular powerless, cynical, strategical, mathgenious, extremely resilient, human farmer. He gets drafted for the army against his will and then they walk to the battle. Like, really long. It takes about 21 of 22 chapters to get there, and all that was happening up to then seems like it won’t made a difference whatsoever afterwards.
Then it stops with a battle where basically the whole army gets wiped out by fricking armoured berserker zombies, which pretty much solves nothing.
But a book is only as good as its villain. And this one has “The Lightning Tyrant”, which we don’t meet in the entirety of the novel. He’s probably an orc, but that’s pretty much all we ever get to know about him.
(Brother Christopher, the medic) just about the only enjoyable character in the whole book.
(Virgil) What’s his fμcking name again?
(Franz) Fstop Ftalking Flike Fthis.
(Bron, berserker, officer of the royal army) Ha. Gaaaaaaaay
(Timothy Skryt, a half Albos, half Zivot, that was a thief, but now he’s an officer of the army) Better suited as main character
(Kevin Trak, souvra, Fire mage, general of the royal army.) Better suited as main character
(Keith Trak, Son of Kevin) Better suited as main character
(Main character) GET A FμCKING NAME
A whole lot of lore
So wait, there’s a character that basically cannot stand sun, has fangs and perfect eyesight. I wonder if there’s anything else with these traits.