Roast your own fantasy novel


#1

This is a sort of challenge or something…
I want you to try to think like a reader and criticize your book like a reader might at the end. Not like an editor. A reader.

I’ll set the example here:
Oh my god, this book was so slow and MC is so stupid. She doesn’t know anything about men. You wasted so much time having characters talk to each other and nothing ever happens. We didn’t even get to see anymore of the best characters like Atticus and Sumeia. Why does MC not like the guy that she should? And wtf was that ending? Do they get back home or what?

Basically the idea of this challenge is to get us to find the biggest glaring flaws in our own work and see if we might want to make changes to them.


#2

Here is mine for…hmm…Kassidy.

Me If I Was A Reader: I hated Kas and Violet, especially when they became a couple, you saw it from a mile away, not to mention she was afraid of him because he always looked threatening after talking about his past, not to mention he was pretty much a sociopath who murdered people or tortured them. Violet was also a whiny little bitch. Glad that’s over! (When I eventually finish it…and I (if I were a reader_ found out there would be a sequel :joy:

Overall…I may make changes, but also, what I ignored was the fact that both Kassidy (and it’s future sequel, Natalie) are telling not only the present but also the past, it shows why Kas was the way he was and how he came to be the person he was in Kassidy. Also, him meeting Violet slowly softens him, and her meeting Kas slowly turns her from a scared to girl to a fearless woman (literally, whole thing starts when she’s 16 and ends when she’s 21). Pretty much, Kas and Violet switch around parts of their personalities and balance each other out.

Overall, is there flaws?

Yup. No doubt about that.

Am I gonna smash them?

Nope, 'least not yet.


#3

This is fun. I think it’s cool to try to find the negative in our own stories.

I worked really hard to stretch out the relationship in my book so I totally know how this feels. I hope it won’t seem too problematic to readers though.


#4

Ugh, all the white characters talk like cowboys, gross. What’s the deal with Aurin Alcoleiz anyway? If he’s so badass, why does he keep getting his ass kicked? Also, do you really need to hammer in how evil the UAF is? We get it dude, they’re space nazis.


#5

Hey, I happen to like cowboys.


#6

I know, here is a line that shows, yeah, Kas knows he has feels:

“I’m a fucking badger when people keep asking me questions, not to mention, do you forget who I am?” Kas asked.

“No, how could anyone?” He asked.

How could anyone forget who he was indeed?

Violet it seems, was one who seems to have found a way, but he could see when she realized once more, could see the fear in her violet eyes…

Had they been in a different world, a different life, he would have done everything in his power to make that fear go away…

But he was Kas Morgan, and she was his responsibility, if fearing him was what it took to help her learn how to survive in Karraway, then he would make sure that fear stayed in her.

He would make sure she feared him because this was Karraway, and they weren’t in a different world, a different life, and fear was the only thing that kept anyone alive in this city.

Kas should know, it saved him more than once…


#7

Ever watched Firefly? It’s a bit like that.


#8

I watched Serenity


#9

Also relevant


#10

No but my favorite actor is Walton Goggins.


#11

Space is technically the next Wild West, so…


#12

Here’s some more specific roasting, that would probably be fairly realistic

Why is Angela hyped up by the other characters as some incredible ace pilot, when she spends most of the book outside of a mech? What a Mary Sue. She’s probably the only character who hasn’t killed somebody. Also, Ja’kri’s use of AAVE is offensive. Learn how to write a POC character.


#13

This song describes Violet and Kasidy really


#14

From my Harbingers of the Sun :wink:

Does she know how to make a simple description? Because everything she does is over described to oblivion. What’s wrong with her? She just makes you sit there, waiting to understand what is going on and why everyone is angry. Why are so many of her characters such dicks? Like the only one with a moral compass is Saela, a fucking spear fighter, who uses a fucking spear fighter as one of their MCs? No one spear fights. And it is all about these bloodstones? Journey for these magical items? Cliche much?

That was actually fun Cx


#15

Yeah, I know right? Kinda therapeutic…


#16

Hahahah, finally something I’ll be good at!

Feral

It’s confusing as fuck and why doesn’t the MC know anything? Why is he so thick all the time? Also, what’s with all the stabbing? WHERE ARE THE DETAILS? And the love interest. What’s with the damn smirking? Can’t he just do something normal with his face?
What kind of name is Birdie anyways?
Why did the author use so much slang from the British Isles? Like okay, we get it. The narrator is Irish. Talk about overdoing it.
The ending is anti-climatic, the writing is piss poor and the characters are bleh.

It gets 1/10 and not a 0 - purely for the MC using a spoon to stab someone’s eye out.


#17

is he thick or thicc?


#18

we like em chonky round here


#19

Hahahah, he’s thick. And very tiny and very skinny. Malnourishment ain’t fun.

His boyfriend on the other hand, does not suffer from that. At all :smirk:


#20

If he ain’t the big chungus I ain’t interested