Romance and vulnerabilities,

And no, be relieved, I’m not asking you what your vulnerabilities are, for one thing that’s scummy, and also opens the door to talking about mine.

But I was wondering, is it relatively unusual to talk about one’s emotional vulnerabilities when they’re writing romance fiction?

I find the more my work relies less on plot, and more on natural romantic flow, there tends to be more discussion of societal issues, and naturally as well, personal authorial issues that naturally make their way into the initial character prototype.

As a limited hangout (tradecraft jargon) mine has to do with how I tend to relate more to video game characters at times, and how a lot of my relationship problems stem from not trusting others because they remind me of video game characters I know. Mix with an unhealthy addiction to video games, and you end up with someone who finds their identity in a digital context rather than the real world.

I guess it makes sense why I was drawn to scifi romance in a way. But often it makes editing difficult because I’m reliving at lot of old issues my character faced.

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I’m not entirely sure what the question is.

Are you referring to your emotional vulnerabilities with you write or your character’s emotional vulnerability?

Sorry, I just woke up.

Ah yes, I’m wondering if it a bit outside the norm for romance writers to explore their own emotional vulnerabilities.

Not in the least bit.

A lot of writer’s use past experiences or pieces of themselves in the story. It brings something genuine and raw to the story and can also be therapeutic.

I had an experience with a guy when I was nineteen and he was twenty-eight. I’d always been fairly invisible, so when he saw me it was incredible. No one like him had ever noticed me before. He was absolutely beautiful and so talented. We would sit out by the frozen lake and talk for hours. It was an immediate and intense connection.

Unfortunately, we met at a terrible time in my life. I’d been raped earlier that year and wasn’t emotionally ready for the connection. I was desperate for the love of someone beautiful like him and I was self destructive and it was just about the worst time in my life that we could have met. It ended badly.

Now, we are both happily married, but this is a relationship I’ve used often in my writing because of the raw and immediate connection and because of how vulnerable we both were at the time. Though our time together was incredibly brief, I felt like so much intensity had been fit into our moments that they became a part of my writing world as a way to cope with it all.

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I’m so glad it turned out that way. I met the one guy once I kind of had romantic feelings for (even though I am Lez still) that looked a bit like Abe Lincoln, which really amped up those feelings.

Problem was, he turned out to be … kind of a loser. Cute loser, but definitely not a good fellow. Which is sad, as he was one of the first guys I came as a woman too.

I had kind of wanted to take him to the renaissance fare with me. Maybe see some dresses I wanted to try on.

(This was before my video game addiction tomboy era.)

Even trans tolerant people can be assholes, funnily enough.

Anyone can be an asshole.

It’s a universal trait that doesn’t discriminate.

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The way you worded that made me cackle.