Sci-Fi Say Hi - Open Story Critique

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#1

Critique a Story for Active Sci-Fi authors!

Post a short blurb and a link to your in-progress story and a chapter you want opinions on here.

Opinions will be posted here, and on the orange Watt. If nobody is along to comment on your piece in 1d span, I will pick it up.

Payment: Comment on one or more other authors in the thread.

We are starting the week of December 16th 2018 with the following collection:

The Tales of Futuristic Cities

Noir feel, with 9 parts so far: @ClearLightNarratives
https://www.wattpad.com/story/92464351-easy-money

Near-future feel, 7 parts so far, @ConradBrubaker
https://www.wattpad.com/story/165586865-universal-chaos-web-of-chaos

Technology meets philosophy, 5 parts so far, @OctaviaLocke
https://www.wattpad.com/story/162431703-us-broken-nanowrimo-2018

Human nature vs AI, 9 parts so far @Drevkin
https://www.wattpad.com/308145993-anomaly-drone-repose-nine

Genetically modified fugitive, 49 parts so far @Azmavath
https://www.wattpad.com/story/92561532-finding-darkness

Cruel far-future civilization, 26 parts so far, @Jules_Haigler
https://www.wattpad.com/646067557-a-perfect-state-prologue

Space, The Final Frontier

Spaceships, aliens, politics mystery artifact, with 3 parts so far @TEHauxwell
https://www.wattpad.com/story/166080042-the-regulator-a-nanowrimo-2018-project

A solo sailing through space, 5 parts so far @SpaceIsCool12
https://www.wattpad.com/story/166765668-the-final-barrier

Solar System adventure with aliens, with 10 parts so far @DomiSotto
https://www.wattpad.com/story/164987325-stellar-cruises

There and Back in Time

Space meets time travel and portals, 1 part so far @salemkeating
https://www.wattpad.com/348671220-a-minute-in-infinity-0-out-of-time

Past, future and aliens through one bookworm’s eyes, 14 parts so far, @ThingsUCantImagine
https://www.wattpad.com/story/160993393-zonations

The Beloved Worlds

The Olde Republic, with 6 parts so far very Star Wars @Poundcake63
https://www.wattpad.com/story/149905421-the-sentinel


Undiscovered Or In Progress SF
How to get people to give your novel a chance?
#2

I’m up for this. I’m already critting undiscovered and in progress SF stories as and when I find them.

Also, as of yesterday, when I do a crit I publish it to my followers so more people find your story. It’s just my way of dealing with the frustration that WP often buries undiscovered works, which makes it even harder for new writers to build a following.

Here’s my in progress SF. There’s a prologue and 2 chapters. Have at it. I’m happy to crit other SF works that come along.

The Regulator

The M’Nean Ambassador is dead. Once tasked with his protection Commander Neylan Haas of the Admiralty’s Regulator Force now finds herself accused of his murder. On the run from her own people Haas takes shelter in the Lazaretto, a plague ravaged sector of Orionid space.

Surrounded by the pirates and smugglers she once hunted Haas must enlist the help of some unlikely allies to uncover the true reason for the M’Nean Ambassador’s murder, but in doing so she will discover a long buried secret. One that has the power to plunge Orionid space in to all out war.

Read the story so far


#3

Dropping a reply here so I don’t forget about this thread later :stuck_out_tongue: I don’t have any sci-fi in progress right now, but I’ve written it in the past. Right now my only story in progress is a Star Wars piece, not sure if that counts for the purpose of this thread though :stuck_out_tongue:


#4

Sure, why not, as long as you are willing to engage outside one setting. I am pretty sure we all know what Star Wars is like :slight_smile:


#5

Dunno if anyone else had a chance to check out the beginning of the Regulator, here is my impressions in one line:

The POV is well chosen to tease a sated reader. It promises something by the end of the opening scene.


#6

I do try to end each chapter on a cliff hanger. I grew up on TV shows that always ended with ‘Tune in next week…’ Argh! LOL. :smile:


#7

The second paragraph talking about the craft’s intelligence or the lack thereof was an interesting thing to mention for a stories beginning.
Writing about something from its inherent, intrinsic value point of view was interesting for a sci-fi.
(Saying, “inherent, intrinsic value,” makes me feel silly but I don’t know how else to say it.)
I enjoy the political stuff like in Babalon 5. Going right into action after introducing the mystery was excellent. Now I want to know why it was such an important item.


#8

I have ‘Universal Chaos - Web of Chaos,’ up. Chapter one would be best for me to have reviewed. There are 4 chapters so far, with a new one every Friday morning.

https://www.wattpad.com/story/165586865-universal-chaos-web-of-chaos


#9

Pro: I liked the future technology, once it got introduced, and precise timeline

Con: I felt that there was a bit too much going on with too many characters for the first chapter.

Agreed or disagreed, anyone?


#10

I agree with you, there’s just a bit too much to keep track of for a first chapter. Lots of characters. I feel like it could be stronger with a tighter focus on one or two characters and really get into what they think and feel.


#11

It’s surprising to me that a prologue I essentially wrote in 5 minutes as a bit of fun has gotten the most responses, and people seem to really bond with the little ship.


#12

Done! :smile: All my feedback’s inline on the chapter.


#13

Hey all!
I added the two books posted so far to my To Read list (no time for reading ATM, gotta go to work!) and I’ll get to them tonight.

Here’s a near furture/cyberpunk novel I started years ago (before the current political climate) called Easy Money. Feel free to read and comment on as much (or as little) as you like.

In the near future, corporations have raised private armies and waged war against the old regimes of North America. The Third World War is coming to a close with the forces of China having united most of Asia and Europe under their new flag - that of Eurasia.

As soldiers are returning home, they find it difficult to adjust to life in the North American Alliance - a life that will be cut short when their military-grade cybernetic implants fail. One soldier, Reginald Harrison, has been offered a job by one of the most powerful men in Yndi City Provence. It’s an easy job that will pay Reggie enough to have his implants removed and allow him to relocate to Mainland Cuba.

Reggie soon learns that there’s no such thing as easy money.


#14

I’m just coming up to my lunch break. I’ll check it out. :slight_smile:


#15

Thanks!

I’ve been told by many that my writing can be a bit… long-winded, so you can skip telling me that :wink:


#16

@DomiSotto can tell you all about the exhausting length of my paragraphs. :wink:


#17

Well, maybe long-winded was a poor choice of words. How about “slow-paced?” lol


#18

Ahhh a slow burner. That’s OK with me too. I’m a huge Jack McDeviit fan, but if you read his Amazon reviews a lot of people comment that it’s SF where not very much happens for a very long time. :wink:


#19

Good morning, everyone and welcome to @ClearLightNarratives!

Never hesitate to throw links for more books & chapters, let’s talk!

@Poundcake93 are you going to add your SW fiction link for us to read?


#20

Jumpin german jesus on a pogo stick I’m nervous about critiques but here it is: https://www.wattpad.com/story/149905421-the-sentinel