Sci-Fi Say Hi - Open Story Critique

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#201

Canva, eh?

I’ll see that. Thanks!


#202

Hey guys. How’s it going? We need to spark this thread just a touch, eh?


#203

I’ve had a busy week at work. The weekend will give me some time to catch up.


#204

Cool. I don’t want this thread to die. This is a cool community.


#205

I am going to be reading Sentinel next, but I dunno, nobody’s here… so… hello, people?!


#206

Hi.


#207

I’ve just finished the next part of The Regulator. I’ve given it one read through and will give it one more before I upload it later. A few extra sets of eyes on it would be useful. Even though it’s only a transitional scene there’s some important world building info in there, and I’ve been dog tired all week. I may not be capable of spotting any glaring errors. :blush:


#208

Hey, I will catch it as well overcthe weekend.


#209

I am knee deep in exams and the part of my brain that can critique literature is asleep or dead or something :stuck_out_tongue: but I’ve just read through chapter 6 (or was it 5) of Stellar Cruises and it’s providing all the distraction and entertainment I was needed today. So thank you for that! It is helping a lot


#210

Omg, you made my day here :slight_smile: Yay!


#211

Made it to part two of Stellar Cruises


#212

I also finished another part of easy money. I am loving the world. It has this great gritty run down feel that somehow makes me think of the look sci fi movies had in the 80’s

The only thing I’m less than keen on is the sexual content. It doesn’t really do much to add to the story or characters for me. But that’s probably just personal taste. I’m a big old prude who doesn’t much care for sexy stuff in most media


#213

Oh, neato! Thanks!


#214

Heh, there was a discussion on that going today. Well, it keeps popping up now and again… as long as it is all fun, I am usually good with it.


#215

I mean it’s not a deal breaker by any means I just prefer to have more of a connection with the characters before it happens

But like I said I’m a big old prude so if there’s no sex at all that’s fine too


#216

Tackled thee more chapters this morning:

Us, Broken Part Three by @OctaviaLocke
Pros: excellent prose as usual with great descriptive passages. A mysterious USB drive and the world’s biggest bitch of a lawyer.
Cons: I think the introduction of Rachel could have been done a bit better. It felt like I had missed something and I had to read that section a couple of times to work out what was going on.

Universal Chaos Part Five by @ConradBrubaker
Pros: dialogue is superbly captured.
Cons: the sense of place in this chapter in particular needs work.

The Final Barrier Part Two by @SpaceIsCool12
Pros: The crushing sense of solitude is rendered perfectly.
Cons: Needs a bit of a grammar / punctuation brush up. My other concern at this stage is that with four days to go before any action is expected the story might run out of steam before we get there. But I could be proved wrong in the next chapter.


#217

OBJECTION! The lawyer bit made me think of Phoenix Wright, sorry.


#218

Hi, guys!

I reached T-2 for @SpaceIsCool12 Final Barrier. The author note reads there was not enough ideas for the chapter, and it ends up being two scenes of maintenance/life. My suggestion is that unless four is significant. Is to go for a countdown of the three-two-one and merge these scenes into the earlier chapters. The imagery of feet freezing to the bed, etc,Miss pretty cool. The trouble is still the pace that makes the Space Odyssey feel like an action-packed triller.

Picked up chapter 9 of the Sentinel by @Poundcake93 my soulfood there. There is a very funny bit when the MC assumes the stance of a wise old master, but in one place I felt the emotional reactiondid not work for me, vs how the chars tr was presented before.


#219

@DomiSotto I actually combed through the chapter reading your comments and fixed it up a bunch. It also has a hint to what is really going on in the story quite explicitly now. If you want, you can re-read it, it about 950 words now, and simply better.