Sci-Fi Say Hi - Open Story Critique

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#61

I did another chapter of Easy Money by @ClearLightNarratives today.

I need to polish off my next chapter of The Regulator. I only have a couple of paragraphs left but they’re being stubborn. :smile:


#62

Awesome! Give a shout once it’s ready!


#63

Thanks for tagging me tbh. And perhaps soon — I need to publish something first lol. I’m getting there, just need a cover & a few more edits on the first portion.


#64

Dude (or dudette?), I’d love to, but I don’t have any story to share right now. I kinda feel bad.

But I’m writing a sci-fi short story, though, at this moment. Won’t be ready to be published soon (First draft), but I’m working on it, and I’ll let you know when it’ll be ready. I promise!

I really appreciated that you tagged me about your idea. Didn’t see you coming ! :wink:


#65

Hell yeah! A sci/fi dedicated forum! My book is titled “The Final Barrier” I would really appreciate a critique in my PMs.


#66

Post a link, please? It goes into the first post, and makes things super easy. Also feel free to pick a book from that list to comment on :slight_smile:


#67

My book, https://www.wattpad.com/story/166765668-the-final-barrier is about Cole, a astronaut shot into space for seemingly no reason. When he gets to mission destination, he is sent off and fighting for his destiny. If I told you the rest, well… it would be a spoiler.


#68

Added it to my list. Should have time before the weekend, but today is all about the writing for me. I need to wrestle this next chapter in to submission.


#69

Have fun!


#70

I have picked up the first chapter of the Final Barrier.

Pro: the title is just right for me, both intriguing and not too out there. The situation Cole finds himself in is interesting, makes me want more about how he got himself into it, how he will extricate himself

Con: first person, present tense. It is a personal preference, but I dislike that style. I did want something to happen by the end, but instead I got a regretful sigh from the MC

Anyone else’s thoughts?


#71

Okay, so I finally got a chapter up for my story … and I’m looking for opinions. There’s only one chapter, so …

Anyway, I welcome any constructive critique so I can make it better.

Link: A Minute In Infinity

Summary: Time is running out.

It is the year 2094. Earth is on the brink of collapse. Humanity’s only chance of survival is to relocate to an alien planet named Kentauri, but Kentauri’s inhabitants are intent on killing the human invaders. In retaliation, Earth created the Galactic Army, a military force specialized for combat in space.

Ryan wakes up the day of his recruitment test with broken images filtering through his mind. His day only gets stranger as he recalls the names of people he’s never met and places he’s never visited. On the pilot simulation, he does brilliantly, despite having close to no training. The army marks it down as talent - Ryan isn’t so sure.

As Ryan grows in the Galactic Army, he pieces together his shredded memories to find that he holds secrets that could unravel both worlds. Time is running out, and Ryan must walk a delicate balance between truth and lies if he is to survive and protect the ones he loves.

And yeah, I’m working on the summary, too. If you have time, I’d appreciate feedback on it also

And i’ll CHECK OUT THE REST OF THESE COOL SCI FI BOOKS soon. just gimme a mo’


#72

I finished the 3rd chapter of the Sentinel @Poundcake93

It is certainly a very solid SW fanfiction, i’d say in Kotor style. I prefer a different take on Jedi personally, but I do recognize that Gray are the fan-favourite, vs more removed from the modern reality and mindset version. :slight_smile:


#73

Hi everyone! For Nanowrimo, I decided to write my first ever Scifi - a dystopian/futuristic/robot tale - called US, Broken. Now that I have the time to read other people’s stories, I figured I’d post it here and check out some of the other works.

Here’s the blurb:

Amanda Cross works for Daedulus Technologies as an Usher, a person who guides those through a virtual world to help ease the pain of dying. After discovering her estranged husband has undergone the program, her life begins to spiral. When her job is threatened, the only thread connecting her to her old life, Amanda is forced to team up with Quinn Lacey, a beautiful but ruthless woman from the Federal Bureau of Surrogacy, to track down a rogue companion, known only as the Icarus Prototype. Along the way, Amanda realizes there’s more to Daedulus Technologies than the company discloses to the public. And that knowledge, may mean the difference between humanity’s salvation and its destruction.

And here’s the link: https://www.wattpad.com/story/162431703-us-broken-nanowrimo-2018

@DomiSotto I read that first person, present POVs aren’t your preference so just a head’s up if you do check out my story, it is in fact, both of those things.

I plan on checking out the other stories on this thread as soon as possible. I look forward to reading them!


#74

I just got done reading the prologue and the first chapter. It’s a well-written story so far with an interesting premise. I liked that the prologue dealt with a ship and I liked Haas introduced in the next chapter. I found the first chapter to be a little too heavy on worldbuilding details for my tastes (for example there were lots of names being thrown around but without context or imagery I didn’t find myself interested in those names/races). But that of course, is just my opinion as others have expressed loving just this. To each their own. Still though, the writing is solid and it’s obvious the author took a great deal of time to craft their world. I look forward to reading more.


#75

I’d like to be a part of this. Could definitely use some critique on my prologue and first chapter. I’m nearing the finish line for the book and want to send it to literary agents when I’m done. Could use any help whatsoever. I’ll get to commenting on others works very soon.

Link: A Perfect State

Blurb:
In the utopian nation of Canaan, all people are bred to meet the specifications of civilized society: homosexual, deeply religious, compliant to the rules, and never asking questions. Rick Lawson is what society calls an Imperfect, a mistake in genetics. Everyday he works hard to keep up the illusion of his homosexuality and unquestionable loyalty to his government knowing the consequences of his exposure will be dire. He believes he is on the right path until one day a woman from the Bureau of Intelligence named Abigail reveals Rick’s terrifying secret.

Across the nation people accused of being Imperfect are vanishing. Abigail tells Rick that he is number one on a government watch list and may soon disappear himself. She confides in Rick that she too is an Imperfect and hopes he will help her escape before both of them disappear. Rick is hesitant to join her but after a good friend of his is hauled away, he agrees.

In the pursuit for truth, Rick and Abigail stumble across a powerful artifact from the nation’s past capable of massive devastation. Yet, as with things of great power, powerful people are compelled to seek it. A secret society wishes to use the artifact to tear down the world and rebuild it at the cost of lives, while the government wants to save lives by destroying the artifact but maintaining a false peace. Rick and Abigail are caught in between. They must choose, a government bent on absolute control, or a society of freedom with terrorist intentions. Whatever they choose the goal is the same- to create a prosperous, perfect state.


#76

Comment on 000: Dream Weavers chapter.

I like the analogy a lot. For those who are familiar of the story, they might know that Daedalus (I believe that is the proper spelling ) was Icarus’s father who warned him about flying close to the sun. It gives me that sense that maybe this company is not only offering us a chance to fly but may have hidden consequences should you differ from their ideas. My biggest critique though is the sons and daughters of Icarus bit. If he died, why would he have descendants and why would we want to be like Icarus for in the original story he was naive and arrogant? That much gets me confused. Other than that, I think it’s a great start.


#77

Comment on Amanda Part One.

Very well constructed and interesting themes. I like the End concept. It reminds me of a prisoner’s last meal. Dark and creepy mixed with smiles.


#78

It’s interesting. I’ve read SF that I find excruciating in its detail, right from the start, with massive breaks in the action for background info. I prefer to hit the ground running. For that reason I’ve kept the world building in my opening chapter to what I think is a bare minimum. There should be enough there for the reader to realise that the Circinians are a bunch of monumental snobs, Sewati is a little unconventional and Haas is an alien / human hybrid. That’s just about all people need to know at this stage and there’s an absolute mountain of stuff I’ve left for later, which is actually pivotal to the story but has no place in the events of the opening chapter.

When we get to the breeding habits of Sewati’s people that might really raise some eyebrows.

:slight_smile:


#79

As always thank you for the reads and comments :slight_smile: Kotor was my life growing up so I’m taking any comparison between my work and those games as high praise :stuck_out_tongue:

Gray Jedi are my favourite but who knows maybe one day I’ll write a piece that casts the Jedi in a more favourable light. And maybe do the same for the Sith too, just for the sake of balance


#80

Oh, I still read the FP/PrT, and I have seen some authors make it work without driving those needles of ‘this just does not sound right’ through my brain. Thank you for joining in!

@Jules_Haigler welcome! Certainly some tropes inversions in that summary :slight_smile: