Sci-Fi Say Hi - Open Story Critique



I’ll check it out right now! =)


Awesome Sauce!


My brief thoughts on Perfect State by @Jules_Haigler after reading the prologue and chapter one

Pro: A lot of worldbuilding and consideration has gone into the foundation of the story. The author obviously cares about the story they’re telling.

Cons: Maybe there’s too many dystopian ideas floating around in this novel - book burning, genetic modification - and it should be pared down to a centralized one to give the narrative focus.

The formatting is not suitable for Wattpad mobile readers including long chapters and blocks of text.


Great! I think we did at least one round, nobody got left out?

I’ll see if I can do a quick summary and kick off the next week on Sunday.

Be excellent to each-other!


And… yay, I have updated the first post with the next week’s books! Take a look, and pick up two or three to take a look at, and let’s talk! Anyone who got unintentionally left out, please, let me know! Anyone wants to join, please, post!

Remember: This is a thread where we are NOT shy about our books and talking about them!


Thank you very much for the constructive critiques. I’m going to look into changing a few things. I’ll post here when I’ve done a major change to the formatting and themes of the first chapter.


I look forward to reading what you come up with!


I have finished 6th Chapter of the Sentinel with a background flashback insert. Definetly getting my Old Republic fix.

I will take a look tomorrow to catch up on the other stories that I have more chapters to read.


I’ve been AWOL a couple of days too. The dangers of public transport I’m afraid. Someone gifted me their winter cold. :sneezing_face::cold_sweat::cold_face:


Started on the prologue of A Perfect State by @Jules_Haigler .

Pros: Asks a lot of questions about how society has evolved and also poses some classic questions about group psychology, aspects of our behaviour we’ve been attempting to understand since the 1950’s.

Cons: I did feel that separating the narrator from the action by way of a TV screen took something from the scene. A sense of what a burning body smells like for instance. Also not sure how I feel about the passivity of the audience. Does it make the scene stronger or weaker that no-one throws up, no-one cries, not a single person protests?


Thank you for the read and the comments! I’ve been trying to reply to the online comments in the book but wattpad is being buggy and won’t let me do it :frowning:


WP, buggy? Never…!

Lol, don’t worry about it, WP is always glitching, big database, etc.


So I’m making it a goal for this week to do more reading and commenting on the books in this thread :slight_smile: there’s a lot of stuff that sounds really good and I’m excited to read them.


That makes two of us!


(surfaces) I picked up the second chapter of the Final Barrier - I got to say, the mood setting in it got me today. Well done!



And, picked @OctaviaLocke Us, Broken part 3. I am still confused where the personal life part of the MC is concerned, but the scene that keeps setting up the sci-fi portion of the story, the afterlife service, is lovely. I expected another reference to Icarus myth, but I did not see it.


Do you mean the parts about her personal life are confusing or you’re just not certain how those parts will play into the future of the story? Because if its the later, both the virtual world of the End and her failed marriage do wind up colliding. If her personal life is just straight up confusing, I’ll have to think of ways to provide clarification. Either way, thanks for reading and for all the comments! =)


I’m starting a new job soon so I’ve been busy getting things situated. I’ll get to more reading and writing when I can. Sorry everyone.


I am just not following very well the specifics of her divorce, i guess. It’s just me, I tend to blank out on the moment lawyers or finances come into a story, heh.


Celebrate with me ladies and gents, for I have finally wrestled another 3000 words on to the page. Chapter 1.3 is up and I can get back to doing a bit of critting.

Drink first though. :smile: :beer: