I’m looking for writers and readers willing to beta-read my new novel.
Title: The Imagination Series | Baneful Armour
Sub-Genres: Adventure, Quest (eventually Romance but not in this book)
Description: Army-runaway Freya joins a group of rebels fighting against the ruthless king. He is trying to revive the deadly race of the Stormbringers and they attempt to stop him. (If interested I am glad to PM you further information)
Area of suggestions wanted: I’m looking for everything you can give me, technically. To specify though, I’m looking especially for suggestions on scenes, such as to make them more natural or dramatic. Also for improvements on odd sentences or grammar.
Note: I guess the book is not entirely easy but no romance scenes (you know, sex. Not even a kiss, so far), not much blood. But death is mentioned, yes.
If you’re interested, here’s a short excerpt:
This is relatively at the beginning of the story and the main character, Freya is on the battlefield, fighting.
Suddenly, a giant piece of rock crashed onto the invisible wall she had built up around her. It felt as though she was trapped inside a bell tower and her ears rang. She broke her concentration to destroy the wall and with that, the sound disappeared, but she kept vigilant for the source of that attack. It had to be one of the enemy Imaginers. Freya had fought a few of them already. Many had been way too weak to stand a chance, but one of them nearly killed her a few years ago. She’d been inattentive, underestimating the enemy. Freya still scolded herself for that mistake whenever her leg slowed her down again. She had had barely time to dodge the meteorite, but the tremor had permanently hurt her leg. That’s how it got stiff.
Freya quickly spotted the fool who thought attacking her was a good idea. It was a little figure, hidden in a suit of armour. It was made of leather; skin of the magical creatures that let nothing harm it. It fit her well, and the blue parts, distinguishing her country from Freya’s, were decorated with multiple badges. She had raised her hands and they trembled, working hard to make the many spears she’d collected from the dead or made from dirt hover in mid-air. They were all raised to a height of Freya’s chest. Her heart clenched a little, as every other time she was about to murder someone.
It took her just a few seconds to think of a fit to attack while the girl’s weapons shattered on her wall, which she quickly focused on. The beast she created was tall, it had around three times the size of her family’s house and was two times as big as it. It had long, slender legs of a strong, padded skin that wouldn’t let any weapon harm the weak flesh beneath. It looked kind of like a giant lizard, with sharp, long teeth and spikes over its back.It roared loudly and the earth shook as it took a few steps ahead. Freya was sweating by now, she rarely created such big and long-lasting imagines. She found it difficult to hold her concentration fixed on the dragon; she had to force herself or it would vanish.
As fast as she could, her opponent summoned a beast as well, but it was too tiny and she was too unconcentrated. Her beast, whatever it was supposed to be, switched forms again and again, with or without legs and wings, sharp, long teeth or a fire-breathing throat. With shimmering scales or inglorious, matte skin. Finally, the kid broke down to its knees, apparently exhausted to near unconsciousness. Without Mercy, Freya let her beast pour blood over the ground like rain. Not just her attacker, but also multiple who were around, fighting, were heavily injured.
Breathing heavily, she could finally forget the image of that dragon and, out of curiosity, went over to glance at the limp body. She rarely ever did this, for she didn’t want to see who’s life she had taken, but her attacker intrigued her. They had performed well, though their beast didn’t take the supposed form. She approached the little body in the shining suit of armour cautiously, her attention not only on the possible sudden movements of the bodies around her, but also arrows or spears coming her way. But nothing happened. Even the experienced soldiers and Imaginers on the field were frightened of the creature she had created, or at least, were keeping a safe distance. A cynical smile formed on Freya’s lips. Those trained soldiers fearing her, a young girl. Someone they had humiliated just seven or eight years ago.
Please go ahead and ask questions if something is unclear.