Share a funny line from your fantasy story! (Cringe warning)

I always sprinkle in some comedy:

“So I can fight you and die or be a bitch and live? Bitch it is.”

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after a man gets axed in half in battle

‘A peculiar thing for a man to volunteer to be separated from his waist. Each to his own, Marschal supposed.’

I just started writing my story. This is the closest thing resembling humour I have so far.

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Well, I don’t know about this one, but my Betareader had a five minute laughing fit, so…

He was lucky to have caught the apple in midair, but only seconds later the world tilted until his shoulder hit the grass on the roadside.

His horse looked just as surprised as he was when it found its owner lying on the ground, one of his feet still tangled in the stirrups. The saddle hung in an odd angle, only supported by the baggage on both sides. He just thought about all the things he would do as soon as he got his hands on this flee ridden stable boy.

My poor MC always has the worst luck…

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“What are those?” Ryker asked.

On the table were three large shot glasses, filled with vodka and topped with a spurt of whipped cream and sprinkles.

“Pancakes,” I grinned and took one of the glasses.

“Danica, those are not pancakes,” Ryker said, leaning forward to smell them. “That is vodka.”

“Fine, potato pancakes,” I said.

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“How do we know that it is this one?”
“Wasn’t it howling in the night? Doesn’t it look like the right type of tragedy for you?”

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From The Legend of the Moonflower Princess:

“Hello,” she managed.

“Hello?” Shen hissed in her ear, “That’s all you have to say to the guardsman? Hello?”

“Well, what do you want me to say?” Sahara whispered back.

“I vote for ‘please don’t eat us’,” Shen whispered back.

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Sounds funny, but could use more context.

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Nickel nodded soothingly, uncertain if the fairy was unable to make up her mind, or if she expected the container to be strangled, buried, drown, and fed to dragons for its treachery. But such minor details were certainly beneath her, and so fell to him to sort out.

In all honesty, the glorious role of a faerie’s champion had diminished over the centuries and now rarely required more than saying yes to her various requests, and stabbing those who said no.

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Daughters of Fate, Chapter 9:

The others closed in. But Cassandra brought her second sword to her left hand. Skillfully and speedily she slid it into the slightest crack between the bottom of Kayzar’s helm and breastplate. General Kayzar did not even try to stop her.

The tip rested fractions of an inch from his throat and a slight push could send it home. Cassandra waved her other weapon to hold back the remaining guards.

She thought Kayzar laughed as he spoke. “You still favor your right hand.”

Checking this out

can’t spoil it too much since the chapter isn’t up yet.

Thanks! :smile:

Hello! New to this forum thing but I love humor. Here is a bit from my short story, Mage of Ages:

“Really? Then all you needed to do is ask. Shalen, Mage of Ages, at your service.”

“Oh, forget this. I needed an expendable idiot to hunt down the Shadow.”

“The Shadow? That black formless thing? Of course, you can count on me… Wait, you called me an idiot.”

“I did not. I said I needed an idiot. Would you like to fill the role?”

Shalen pretended to think about it. “Well, sure, why not. How bad can it be?”

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Okay so it’s from the chapter six and I only posted the first two chapters buuuut it doesn’t matter. It’s clearly not the best line but I’m not motivated enough to search through everything…
Hope it’s at least a little bit funny!!

“Why don’t you protect yourself? Hide, find somewhere safe, I don’t know.”

“Nowhere is safe,” she simply answered.

He took off his glasses, reclining on his chair again. “What about your family?”

She scoffed.

“Foolish of you to assume that family equals safety.”

There was a few seconds of terribly uncomfortable silence.

“Yeah, I see what you mean. My little brother pushed me down the stairs a few months ago. My left arm was fractured. That hurt like hell.”

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Rummaging in a barrel in a shady corner she found what she was looking for: A weapon!

Or so it seemed. ‘How the heck do they do it?!’, she screamed as she tried to lift up a flamberge with her trembling thin arms but had to give up the struggle. The monstrous sword clattered on the stone floor as her muscles sang and screamed of tire.

The halberd wasn’t a success either. After a few swings she almost lost her balance and hopped around on one leg while stubbornly not letting go of the long polearm. ‘Nono…noooo!!’

Come to think of it; the spear she had armed herself with earlier hadn’t been her weapon of choice either and a slow realization dawned on her. But it was something she refused to admit just yet.

Her next try was a lighter weapon; a flail. ‘Howwowh!’, she exclaimed while dodging out of harm’s way in a reflex. Or more precisely; out of the barbed-ball-on-a-chain’s way that unexpectedly made an arc towards her head after a few tries. ‘So hard to control!’

As stubborn as she was, Lizz was looking at the next available mankiller. ‘How does this thing work then?’, she spoke the famous last words of many an idiot before her.

And indeed; it had almost been her last words too as she looked down the barrel of a handgun and accidentally fired a hole in the ceiling, instead of blowing her adoring little face to pieces.

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“Oh, let me guess. You’re going to hunt down your friend’s killer, right? Then what? You don’t honestly think you can kill him do you? He’s rank third on the Knights Bounty Dashboard. He’s a powerful criminal with powers you couldn’t begin to fathom. Memphis would rip your little asses to shreds.”

“So what? We stand here and do nothing?” Kariah-Belle said defiantly​.

“Your head is pretty big so I’m rather surprised you’re this foolish.” Iris said glaring daggers at her.

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Here’s a quote I used as a starter in ‘The Vigilant’:

“His mother always said Lady Luck was a fickle friend, but Miss Adventure was his constant companion. And Miss Hap and Miss Demeanor followed closely behind.”

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There are a lot of things in my story that I personally find funny (my husband made me cut down on the number of puns, though). This is one line that I just finished writing:

“I can’t kill you yet, but I’m going to gouge your eyeballs out someday,” I crooned with as much feminine charm as I could muster, giving the Lord a sweet look, flipping my hair over my shoulder, and taking full advantage of the language barrier between us.

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Yddris’s air was calculating as he turned back to her. “Anarabelle Novae. She’s been in the household for ten years, and she’s dangerous if you give her the chance to be. Don’t go getting tangled up with powers you don’t know, girl.”

“Dangerous?”

“Yes,” Yddris murmured, “Exceptionally dangerous women get Harkenn’s rocks off.”

Grace wrinkled her nose. “Are you always this vulgar?”

“Grace…” Jordan hissed. “Don’t.”

Yddris just laughed and shook his head. “If I had a Shil for every time a woman has asked me that, I wouldn’t have to kill demons for a living.” He sniffed, and turned abruptly serious. “Someone will come for you in the next couple of hours so I’ll see if I can get someone to bring you a washing basin. It really does stink of shit in here.”

– From Nightfire; Yddris is probably my favourite character, haha. I had to use one of his.

This is… I don’t know, morbidly funny? Maybe?

BITE. TASTE BLOOD. EAT.

No, I wouldn’t do that. I wasn’t that far gone yet. Instead, I grabbed the gauntlet with my other hand and pulled on it. He clenched his fist to keep it from coming off.

“Give!” I yelled.

“No!”

So I tore his arm off.

Maybe this one’s a little better.

Cackling, he clambered up the sloped roof, taking a minute at the top to survey the streets. More guards were flocking his way, so he would have to—

His foot slipped, and he went sliding back down.

A figure in shining armor appeared in the street below him. With his cape billowing dramatically behind him, Captain Urak declared, “Falquin Mazrath, you’ve met your match! Surrender or—”

Falquin fell on him.

“Thorns and thunder!” Falquin complained, picking himself up off the captain. “Would it kill you to be a little softer?”

Urak growled, fighting to get up in his encumbering armor. “I’ll put the noose around your neck myself! I’ll feed your eyes to the crows! I’ll—” Falquin stepped on his face, “frrrmbrthmrgh!”