Share the First 100 Words of Your Story

Here’s how it goes:

  1. Read/constructively comment on the last person to post their 100-first-words.
  2. Share the first 100 words of your story.

The timing of replies is making this a little stunted. Post yours and then find the first one who has not received a comment. Leave some feedback there. Let’s try to make sure everyone gets at least one reply, folks!

Wow, this really blew up over night, but it’s great to see everyone giving such thoughtful feedback. :smiley: Keep it up, everyone! And as long as you’re around 100 words (try not to exceed 110 though please), it’s all good. I love to see how cordially you’re all handling the feedback. There really are some great people on this website.

I’ll start us off.

When Cel’s coremark, the red dragon on the back of her left hand, bared its teeth and swished its tail like an incensed cat, she knew the scarecrow-boy was trouble. Traversing the halls of Crimson Academy, she noticed him between her first two classes. He was sickly pale, had an alarming hunch, and was far too thin to be healthy, but there was something in the way he moved that alerted her to his true nature. Something in his careful steps. Something in the way she could feel his gaze on her back, no matter which way she turned.

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I think it’s good, a little hard to read though that could just be me though

Namjoon looked down over the kingdom of Vaydia. “It’ll all be mine soon,” he promised himself, looking down at the kingdom his father had failed. ‘I won’t make the same mistakes he did, I can’t.’ he thought. He glowered back over the city, the thousands of people on the street begging for money, just trying to make it one more, miserable day, his father had failed.

“You’ll never make it,” his father’s voice echoed in his head, while his father had been drunk during this fight, it still brought inadequacy to Namjoon’s mind. ‘What if I can’t? What if I never make it?’ Thought by, depressing thought, Namjoon was pulled into memories, memories of his most recent, and different barfight. (idk if it’s exactaly 100-words)

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This is the first 100 words! Just a heads-up, the characters in this story are all wolves :smiley:

Rory’s screams were worse than any bruise Fergus Mac’Mellan had received.

Any half-grown wolf would have yelped, or growled, or howled when hit, but Rory was no more than a pup, and all he could do was scream.

It happened on and off every couple of nights, but it always happened at night, when most wolves were tucked into their snow-pelted dens. The cold, harsh winds made it hard enough to sleep, but hearing the young pup’s shrieks echo throughout the camp chilled the hearts of many.

For Fergus, the sound drilled into his ears. No amount of pressing them against the stony, damp floor allowed him any respite. It wormed its way through his skull and lodged itself in his brain, until each shriek shook his mind to the core. It was his brother who was making that awful sound. His little brother.

Hold up while I read the previous one!

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The wording here sounds off. ‘He glowered back over’ it seems he’s still looking for the city since it never said he stopped so I’m unsure how he’s ‘back over’ it. Glowered itself also seems like a strange word for it. Is he angry or brooding?
‘his father had failed’ I know it’s referring to the thousands of people on the street but it’s so far away from that part, it sounds like he failed the day.

The rest is good though.

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thank you! I will fix that

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You have a little bit of off-putting comma placement between the first and second paragraph, and I had to step back on the last line of the first paragraph because it was a bit confusing to put together. I love how you use the word ‘glowered’ and the names Namjoon and Vaydia are really creative and very memorable! I also appreciate how you immediately thrust us into the action and show us both Namjoon and his father’s personality in only 100 words. Quite a feat!

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22 words over 100, but I didn’t want to leave it in the middle of a sentence.

Three minutes.

Phineas looked away from the number on his wrist as if that would remove it from his mind. His eyes traced patterns on the worn roof’s surface. Three minutes until his life changed forever.

Most people looked forward to the day they would meet their soulmate, but he had to be weird. Like always. No one else would hide on a roof trying to avoid it.

A breeze whipped at his hair, sending the red locks flying into his eyes, and he combed a hand through it. He’d chosen a spot in the middle of the roof to sit; the last thing he needed was someone to see him and think he was planning to jump. He wasn’t that desperate to escape fate.

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thank you!

oh shoot, did I get accidentally skipped? Should I go again, or something?

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I thought it was really good

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Thank you!! :smiley:

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Looks like @LigerCat should’ve commented on yours, as they were the next to post their 100. Might’ve been a WP glitch if they didn’t see you. Feel free to drop yours at the bottom again.

Actually, I was writing a review of the paragraph before them when they posted theirs without reviewing the last one. Then they came back while I was posting my paragraph and reviewed it.

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Just a timing issue then. :slight_smile:

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Yeah.

the descriptions are well written and the misery can be felt


Today was just an ordinary boring day that mirrored yesterday and the days before it. A new day that refers to the fact that I’m a step nearer to my grave. A day that alerts me that my life’s clock is ticking, which 's a thing I don’t mind. I already want it to reach its end.

Is there anything I can do with my life? A place that I can escape to, to forget all of the awful things I have been through? A place where I could renew my life in peace without the ghosts of the past chasing me?

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Intriguing. I’m actually curious as to what he was doing on the roof. Oh wait he was going to jump? Ohhkay! I dropped out of English, I don’t know comprehensive reading.

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Is there anyone who was skipped before I comment on the last and post?

This one was.