Share the last paragraph you wrote


Let’s just share the last paragraph we wrote and see what comes of it… please feel free to share, comment, review, you name it!

I’ll go first…

“And then I saw her, dressed in red, putting one foot in front of the other with her head held high, the rubies of her crown gleaming in the sunlight. She was magnificently royal.
The crowd stood to their feet and watched in either awe or disbelief at the ice princess dressed in red. I refused to look over at my father, but I didn’t have to, to know the smug look he had on his face.”

I had no idea this thread would generate so much interest!
So anyway, quick rules:

  1. A paragraph is like seen above, but if there is dialogue then a maximum of ten individual lines are allowed.
  2. This space is meant to be enhancing and learning so please respect others work, but at the same time do not post if you are not prepared for real, uncensored feedback.
  3. Swearing in your ‘paragraph’ is allowed, but not when giving others feedback.
  4. Post as many times as you want
  5. If you want to post a link to your book in your paragraph you may, but this is not the main goal of the thread.


“The moment you didn’t come home that day, I knew something was wrong. One of the soldiers came and reported that they had found you, but when she went back for you, you were gone. First, I sent 6 teams to find you, but none of them came back with any reports. Then I took it in my own hands. I used the mark to trace you. It drained the energy from you, and when I found out, I stopped. I didn’t want to hurt you anymore.” She explained as she got closer to me.


Wow I feel some much emotion from this :open_mouth:


Wow :flushed: really?


Yes! I can sense the frustration the character must have go through


This part is where the mother (the one who was talking) finds her daughter after she went missing for a few days.


You did a really good job at conveying her emotion… I haven’t even read the story but somehow with this one passage you managed to make me understand everything she had been feeling!


The “magnificently royal” thing irks me for some reason.


Well that’s good. The entire story isn’t that great though.


“But you are no woman, and you are no child,” he smirked and the jagged scars down his cheeks glared, even when the only thing lighting the hold was an oil lamp sitting at their feet. “I’d expect you to heed, Doc, because you know. You want to see it fall, that vile rule you uphold, and before too long, you will. Surely.”




:grin: I’ll try. @LilacPurple made me feel good about that paragraph anyway


I think it’s a really well-written paragraph, too!


If you think so, do you want the title?


“Cornar’s eyes settled on the helmet. I could throw it out the hole… he thought. That would give him and advantage. Cornar hadn’t expected Kaescis to arrive clad in his armor. That suit of his was extraordinary, and Cornar doubted he could defeat the prince… after all, the Sapphire Guard failed to penetrate it.”

From A Prince’s Errand, leading up to a climatic battle toward the end of the book.


“The girl came out of the woods, a blade gleamed in her hands. She held a finger to her lips, quickly asking me for silence. I shook my head. A smile pull at the edge of my mouth. Maybe this would be my last night tied to a wooden pole. Maybe I was gone in the morning.”




‘“Gentlemen,” Kedrick continued, in a caricature of politeness. “Everybody has their enemies. But nobody brings it under my roof. Tell me what son of the Pit sent a troupe of knucklehead grunts to make trouble for me before I take the meat cleaver I sharpened this morning and bury it in something soft.”’

I’m not sure if I’m going to keep this, but sleep-deprived me at 1am last night seemed to think it was entertaining lol. I only vaguely remember writing it :joy:


Okay. My story is called “Escaping from them”


Here’s my latest paragraph…literally just wrote it.

The bull, that I have appropriately named Minos, breathes loudly out his nostrils. It was like hell pulling it through the woods to this spot, since shadow travel would have been too much of a waste of my power.
I had chosen this bull based on its size compared to the others. He was definitely the largest, and best suited for the ritual. His muscular, pulsating frame spoke of the inherent animalistic strength to his nature. Noble, and at the same time wild; truly like a creature from Greek myth. The bull stared at me with black, innocent eyes, not knowing that its fate was sealed to another purpose.