Share the last paragraph you wrote


Here’s the latest paragraph I wrote:

I sighed. “Those are the bodies of fifty children kidnapped from the Celestine raid,” I told him bluntly. “He held them in his dungeon, where their bodies were as thin and frail as this flake of bread,” I held it up and crumbled it between my thumb and forefinger, “and was covered in bruises, which he rarely ever had anyone take care of, leaving them to be infected. He told his servants, “Dispose of the bodies as you please. Leave no traces behind.” And so, they did.”

“They were just following orders,” said the librarian in defense, averting his gaze. He shifted in his seat.


I was quiet,” Sayewa said. She was not just quiet, she was mute, frozen, even when she moved. The strands of hair that used to drop blooms in a colourful avalanche, the living skin that grew scales or fur patches on a whim - all was replaced by the grey bark and black-grass of the steppes. Dead grass. And still Xi would not let go of her hand.


“You didn’t see what elves did to my wife…I was there, I watched. Were you the one who watched and listened, with nothing they could do to block it out or stop anything as Saskia was mauled by those elven hounds?” Ajal asked him. “No, I was. I was the one they did this to!” Ajal said, pointing at the long scar running down his right eye. “Who was the one to pay for our village being nearly destroyed? Was it you who was forced into exile for years before the mighty Annilu came to one of the Dza’cron, a damned orc in order to lift my exile?” Ajal growled

Ajal has issues with elves, one of the hunters in his village spoke up and said they shouldn’t kill the Velves since they have never had issues with them, but Ajal is saying that all elves are the same (which, the ones that did do this to his village and him are the Mal’ela, dark elves, the Velves, vampire elves, are like a group of Mal’ela who turned from the goddess of darkness, Etu, and to the god of blood, Alia’sn, they were changed overtime, stripped of magic, now they crave blood, it makes them stronger, faster, more beautiful, if they fast from it for long periods of time then consume some, they can use extremly powerful blood magic, but that only lasts a few weeks, the more they use it, the longer it takes before they can use this ability and the harder it gets to fight the craving, they can eat regular food, but without blood, they can potentially die)


I could not remember a time where I had been simply embraced by an adult without them having an ulterior motive, without them wanting something from me. My mother had always wanted something, whether I knew it at the time or not. My grandmother had. Competition was behind my father’s other wives’ every move, every tension in each of their muscles. Jamshid and Izzet’s coldness had offset the heat of the desert. No man from either side of my family had ever embraced me.

I had nothing left to give. And Hakan did not want anything.


“When she calmed down a bit more she looked over at her telescope. It had been a while since she used it. She’s been so busy with work and Samuel that she never spent much time doing things she liked anymore. She used to stare out at the sea of sand to see if there was anything out there besides the airborn. Even the sand beast that the kingdom talked about that was said to be out there have never been seen. She always knew that she’d probably only see sand but it was nice to imagine there was more to the world than just them. The sun had almost set she’d use the rest of the little light left to give it one last try.” - Airborn


It wasn’t until they were out of Daleri that Heila let out her first sob, and Kai Fen opened his arms for her to hide in. Images of muscles, spasming and contracting against their will, stained the back of his eyelids. Where was his anger? His sadness, his grief? He let his eyes drift out into the darkness ahead of them, a heavy sigh passing his lips.

Maybe he’d feel something in the morning, but for now, he simply moved his hand in calming circles across Heila’s back.

And THAT concludes the first 25% of my novel!


The first crack opened up, the stressed stones expelled one from the middle like a projectile, but it was not enough to restore the balance. “Run!” Xi screamed for anyone within the earshot, and lead by example. The structure took one last shattering breath and collapsed, roaring like a dying beast. A cloud of dust rose into the sky. Thrown off his feet, Xi struggled for breath, shielding his head from a hailstorm of debris. As soon as the din died down in his ringing ears, he rolled over to his back, to find the golden bird in the sky. She sped on her way to the Eastern quarter. “I will buy you time, my enigma,” he vowed, and climbed laboriously back to his feet.


Before you get confused I write music lol, I love any feedback :slight_smile:

Maybe I shouldn’t spend my time wasting it on you
But I want what I want
And I thought that was you

Guess nothing was going to be different
You can’t see anything through
Changes were made
But they were made without you.


As the couple was carefully climbing down the steep hill, Abraham decided to bring the previous topic back up. “When we find Katrina, and if we adopt her, how will we handle it? I mean it’s not like her parents are unable to take care of her. They’re not dead or anything! And Lily, Logan, and Lucas? How do you think they’ll feel?” He asked.

Martha simply sighed. “We’ll file for child endangerment. I know this sounds wrong, but I love Katrina, and I want no harm to come to her! As for those kids…They’re not my children anymore. They’ve done us wrong too many times but this was the last straw! They’re already out of the will!”


“Look, now is not the time for this, alright!? We’ll talk later.” She shouted. Abraham just closed his mouth as he focused on the task at hand.


“The parlor door swung open suddenly, my body shivering in response. I stared at it curiously at the traditional Asian-style sliders. Sir Moore strolled in, taking off his white gloves one finger at a time and dropped them on the claw foot wooden end table. He shut the door and strode towards me, a playful smile teasing the corners of his mouth.”

Posted this last night and it sounds like some strange harlequin romance! :sweat_smile:
A little background: The MC is pulled between the present and the past. This happened to be a part from the past.


I wore layers of clothing that I had found in the room, someone else’s clothes, someone who is likely to be dead.I looked around for the last time, there was no guarantee that I’ll live to return. I gave solemn smile at the cottage that had given me shelter for the last few weeks and walked forward, letting my mind wander.


I’m a predator.

I used to feel bad about that. Predators exist on the suffering of things that are weaker than them. That must make them the bad guys, right? But I realized something a long time ago: everything on earth is a predator. Everything hunts. Maybe it’s for food, or for safety, or the opportunity to mate. But everything needs something, and it will hunt for it either until it has it, or it dies in the attempt.

I’ve told myself that every day for the past three years. Sometimes it helps. Other times it feels like a hollow excuse. Most days it doesn’t do anything at all. I’m a predator. Predators hunt. That’s just what they do, and I couldn’t make myself stop any more than I could stop the moon from rising.


The demoness stirred, unwilling to die without having the last word. “Don’t think you won,” she hissed, “Blood…” Black blood poured out of her mouth.

“Blood will be back,” Xi finished her thought.

“Not today,” Tien Lyn responded and shot another demon.


“Have you ever seen a Queen laugh after vomiting and seeing a king die of poisons before!?” Abigail would say in a questioning manner. She surely wasn’t in a good mental state, dark strands of hair was loose and Abigail’s golden eyes drew wild.


Behind him lay a massive lake. It was so dark that Connor couldn’t get a clear look, but it must have been larger than the Reservoir. A waterfall hissed near where he and the man lay on the rocky shore. Its foaming base shone blue in the darkness, and the ripples it cast out gave off occasional bright glimmers. Some kind of microbe lived in there, throwing out bits of light. He’d seen something like this before in the tunnels outside the mines. High up, the cavern’s ceiling was dotted with more faint bioluminescent lights. It wasn’t enough to see by, but they reminded him of a picture he’d once seen in an old textbook. Stars – that’s what they looked like. Connor had never seen stars, so this was as close as he was going to get.


“Yes, meeting with the Blood Council and their apprentices, I know, I am an emperor, after all, not a half-wit. I got my position not through good looks or manipulation, nor by birthright, I got it because I had what it took to take the throne back from my brother after he was driven mad. Idiots do not wear crowns. Fools can, but even a fool is aware of what they are doing and where they are going. Do not hold my hand and treat me like a child or you will soon discover what it is like to anger me.” Emperor Cain growled.

Emperor Cain took the lead, Xerxes following after him, their guard staying close, but not crowding them. “I do hope the rest of you are not as insufferable as what is supposed to be our entourage.”


Hmm, okay. I’m really not a big fan of huge paragraphs of dialogue and this isn’t really an exception. It just feels like another, more obvious way to tell instead of show. Plus when a character is trying to be intimidating or whatever by listing off how they got to their position and/or how they aren’t stupid/naive/to be underestimated/etc. it never comes off the way it’s supposed to. There’s no finesse, there’s nothing to make the reader believe that the character really is who they say they are. There’s a difference between convincing someone of something and talking it at them.

That got a little rambly. Anyways. I love your character names and I think the story itself sounds pretty interesting. I’m just–again-- not a fan of massive dialogue chunks, especially when they can be handled better. ¯_(ツ)_/¯


I do hope to show it, he’s also an emperor so using words is something he does all the time, this isn’t his empire, he’s in enemy lands


On the way, she kept pestering him to tell her what he said and he continued to avoid her questions. Seeing that he won’t budge, she suddenly leaped onto his back and clung onto him. Surprised by her sudden piggy back ride, his knees wobbled but he managed to hold the back of her knees. She squealed with joy and he ran while laughing with her. In their happiness, they forgot her straw hat that was left in the park. A breeze went by and the hat went with it, as if it was saying farewell to its owner.


I just finished this year’s Christmas special.

“My name is Drake Mortoph, and I bring greetings from the bad guy table.”

Before Santa could reply, he had grabbed the old man by the throat and raised him up out of his chair. The other men crowded around, grinning eagerly.

“Now,” said Mortoph, “let’s talk about what we want for Christmas!”