Share the last paragraph you wrote


#62

Here is the last scene I was working on

Phoenix groaned as he opened his eyes. He couldn’t remember much of what happened last night, just that him and Dace had partied hard and crashed harder.

Dace lay on the floor of Phoenix’s room. “Hey, Dace, wake the f**k up,” Phoenix said as he rubbed his eyes. He wasn’t sure why so much of him hurt.

“Its morning already?” He asked as he slowly got up.

“It was morning when we went to sleep, it’s afternoon now.” Phoenix said as he looked at his alarm clock.

“Shit, wait, am I wearing a grey vest?” He asked.

“Yup, I think we said something last night, got really drunk then came back here and talked to Lazarus if I am remembering right.” Phoenix said.

“I just hope its you I’m now bound to and not some spoiled, rich, ‘daddy’s’ girl,” Dace grumbled as he used air quotes around ‘daddy’s’.

Phoenix rolled his eyes, “haven’t seen many of them here, but I can imagine there are quite a few. Hopefully if its not me then it’s Philis, yeah she can’t hear the best, but she seems to be really sweet.” Phoenix said.

Dace now wore a white buttoned shirt, a dark grey vest that had an ace of hearts embroidered in silver with what looked to be a knife and a deck of cards sitting next to it. “What’s with the knife?” Phoenix asked him as he changed his shirt and grabbed a new vest.

“I’m good with throwing knives, never miss.” He said. “Why’d you go with a phoenix?” He asked.

“Lazarus chose it for me, said she thought it was ‘fitting’,” Phoenix told him.

I tried to censor the swearing, not sure on rules on that in this thread


#63

I mean, she is about to be sacrificed so yk poles are in handy if you’re not the victim :slight_smile:


#64

I think that’s more than one paragraph… Not sure about the rules, though


#65

well, I don’t really have a paragraph


#66

She asked the moon and the sun about her new lover and they told her to place the stars in his eyes to make him hers. She replied: “I shall gather the 11 planets and make them a tiara for my beloved. I shall travel the seven seas and name every pearl that they hold after him. And when I come back upstairs to his bedroom, I will worship his body and make a temple out of his mouth so that he can baptize me with sacred kisses again.”


#67

just lots o’ dialogue (introducing a new character. don’t want what happened in one of my other stories where they never are in the story until one moment, then gone, then back…I gotta fix that at some point in time while editing and revising)


#68

One paragraph would be:

Or

One of those collection of sentences is a paragraph. In dialogue, paragraphs are even more important


#69

actually, you start a new ‘paragraph’ when the person who is speaking changes, all those sentences aren’t paragraphs, they’re lines of dialogue, a paragraph (generally) is a few sentences long, not one.


#70

collections of sentences :slight_smile:


#71

The last bit I wrote is dialogue, so have this short bunch of paragraphs(?, I’m not participating in the paragraph discourse) because just the last one would be a sad total of two sentences. Hope you guys don’t mind?

He slowly shook his head, confused and a little distraught. “I have no name,” he said quietly.

“You keep saying that! But the people at home must’ve called you something, right?”

He shrank back, glancing right and left and listening closely as if searching for dangers, and Jolette instantly realized she had made a mistake. “Hold on,” she burst out, “if you don’t want to talk about it–“

“None of us had names,” Edmian interrupted her, his voice quiet and almost frighteningly calm. “We never needed them.”


#72

Damn you, human! Shouted Darqus. You’ve ruined everything! Curse you and your kind! I will kill you all!

Kaden coughed up blood as he lay in a pile of snow. His head ponding and his body felt incredibly weak. Darqus kept shouting in his mind as his vision started to blur.

Through his blurry vision be saw a white beastly figure loom over him. Saliva oozing from it’s massive jaws and it glared at Kaden. It’s eyes held rage and hunger. Kaden tried to move but he couldn’t. His body just didn’t have the strength.

The beast opened it’s massive jaws as it dipped it’s head to bite off Kaden’s.

A black blur tackled the beast. Kaden had just enough strength to move his head to see Rygilya taking on large white monsterous bear-like creatures just before everything went black.

From, Knights of Lore


#73

Okay I’m gonna sound super nitpicky please don’t hate me!

Firstly, I think some of your wording could be stronger (so you could replace a lot of stuff with singlular stronger descriptions!) Like when you say he felt “incredibly weak” could be just weak or exhausted. Also the phrase “shouting in his mind” is a bit strange and maybe just say shouting.

Second, “White beastly figure” would be written as “a beastly white figure” I think sounds correct? Correct me if I’m wrong though. Then, since you want to keep the same form throughout the sentence, you can fix the next sentence to be “Saliva oozed from it’s massive jaws as it glared”, don’t change verb forms midsentence! Sometimes you can get away with it if it sounds best, but in sentences like that it’s painfully obvious that it isn’t fluid.

Then the next sentence that starts with “The beast” could be shortened. “The beast leaned down to bite off Kaden’s head” I think would be more a punch to the reader than struggling through all those words to get to the main point.

And then again, you can shorten your descriptions to make it easier on both you and the reader! “Taking on the bear-like creasetures” is all you really need! We can tell they’re monsters, you already used beast, and we know they’re white!

Hope this doesn’t seem to ridiculously nitpicky. AP Lang does this to a person haha.

The actual stuff in said paragraphs is fine, I thought it was an alright scene and it’s easy to get the vibe I think you’re going for, like panicking and stuff, and so good job!


#74

My paragraph is this:

To some, the world ran in a perfect circle. Time wasn’t linear, events happened out of order, the weather rained up, and the stars were always shining beneath the earth’s surface. It circled around and around until one couldn’t tell up from down and left from right. It made her head spin to think about, but it seemed as natural to comprehend as knowing why the sky was blue (it isn’t–Elliot).


Totally gonna sound like a bunch of purple prose, but enjoy as best you can! And Eliot is not the character speaking, at this point in the novel we all know who he is, so we know it’s like Aria (the narrator) adding in info from him, if that makes sense. Probs not important to whoever reads this right not, but I’m rambling haha.


#75

The setting is topsy-turvy and whacked out, but it intrigues me.


#76

Here are the last two paragraphs from my latest chapter:

Leslie saw the door opening on its own into another part of the Phantom Realms, where the bells rang on the whispering winds outside. And mingled with the clanging promises of marriage were long and lugubrious howls of wolves in the distance, where many travelers of yore feared to tread at night. She gulped down her qualms and approached the open door on tenuous feet and saw the pale gleam of moonlight on the linoleum floor at the threshold of the door, left ajar for the dreamer to push through if she dared.

And Leslie dared even as her heartbeats thumped like drumbeats in her chest. She approached on the balls of her sandaled feet, almost on tiptoe as though making sure not to stir the howlers of the night, stretching out her hand and pushing the door open into a nightmare.


#77

Hmm, nice paragraph. It’s well written, some of the descriptors are a bit of a mouthful, but it fits with the style and genre.

some nitpicks:

  • the second sentence doesn’t need to start with ‘and’, and it’s not considered great writing etiquette to start sentences with ‘and’ unless you have to.
  • I don’t know what the setting is but the linoleum floor seemed super out of place and jarred me out of the story.
  • that’s it, that’s all I can think of. Good job!

#78

“I’m sorry, I do not know the right word. It’s like, uh, your face is cute, but better?” she tried, she must have gotten at least a bit right because the human boy laughed and straightened up. He ran his fingers through his hair, the tops of his ears were pinker than the rest of him.

“Let’s hear your questions, punk rock.”

An hour later the twins walked out of the shop with a piercing in each of their ears, a better grasp of human ‘English’, and at least seven more questions on how they were supposed to find the soul(s) they were searching for.


#79

Oh, intriguing! Is this from an urban fantasy of some sort? I haven’t read this whole thread (I just skimmed), so I apologize if you’ve already introduced your work! The only critique I have is in the first line, perhaps separate the “she tried” and “she must have . . .” phrases into different sentences. Or add and after the comma.


#80

So this isn’t exactly “one” paragraph, but it’s a chunk that I wrote together that I think acts as a paragraph.

“My lips are red from burns, not beauty. My skin is pale from illness, not health. My hair is black from the poison that runs through my veins. Beauty, one of a kind?” she hissed. “If beauty is pain, then indeed, I am beautiful.”
The girl who stood before him was no angel.
She had skin as white as snow.
Hair as black as night.
Lips as red as a rose.
She dropped to a crouch on the fallen branch, a feral twist to her lips, her black eyes depthless and daunting. That white slip of a dress that should have in tatters was flawless, drifting like smoke about her knees.
No, she was no angel at all.
She was a devil.
But then again, he’d always been told that devils were once angels too.


#81

These go together

Suddenly I remembered my father’s journals, what had he said about his dragon, Lorcan?

As I write, Dread Hall is being bombarded night and day, Lorkan fell in battle, it was hard seeing the dragon go down, but at least I can say he went down fighting, and went down valiantly, doing what he loved most: terrorizing his foes and burning things.

Lorcan, he had fallen in battle after the journal entry where he requested for his help in fighting Caius…

“Lorcan!” I called out, I saw Caius’s entire being flinch, his body shuddered and his facial expression changed. “Lorcan, I know who you are! I know you know who I am!” I called out to him. His face contorted in agony before he let out a scream that turned into a roar as his face went from agonized to enraged, Caius taking back over. He slapped Fearsia’s head with his tail, I heard her jaw break as he slammed down into the room.

Caius towered over me, I backed against the wall as he lowered his head, crouching down, fixing one red eye on me. He growled before speaking. “Oakenson, how far did you think you could get? Sure, if it wasn’t for me having learned how to bind Lorcan’s essence to myself, you would have successfully killed me. Unluckily for you, I managed to learn the spell and used it the second the beast fell.” Caius said, his voice deep and rumbling.