Ah, okay then! Good luck with editing.
Im only on chapter 2 so editing is a long ways away I just wanted to make sure that scene isnt as bad as I think it is dialogue wise.
Oh. It seems a little stiff dialogue wise, tbh.
Any specific sentences?
The “so what’s your friend’s name?” part. Judging from Nevada’s previous lines, I feel like he would just drop it but still be convinced that Octavian and Marcus aren’t just “friends”.
Yea I think it was because I wanted Nevada to not pressure Octavian but at the same time I wanted the conversation to continue.
Just end it. Don’t pressure yourself to stretch out something.
Somebody make me write. I’m getting so behind
I should also probably have them leave the office too although Im not sure how I can have them continue the conversation later on to introduce Marcus further.
Hmm… well, how about put a gap between “Just a friend!” and Nevada asking his name.
I rewrote it but I feel like its still kind of not in character so I might just have them leave the office and continue the conversation later.
I realized they were just standing inside an office talking about it.
Again a slightly unessicary arrow I just felt it was needed so people who dont want to read it wont be bothered
“Hmmm sureee”Nevada said.
“Just a friend!”Octavian insisted.
Nevada held up their hands in surrender “I know I didnt say anything”They said before going to the office door and opening it.”Weve gotten get home before five and the drive is long”They said.
Octavian let out a sign of relief that the conversation was dropped before hurrying out of the office door.”What happens at five?”Octavian asked.
“My shows on at five thirty and I would like to not miss it”Nevada said.
Octavian rolled his eyes at the mention of “Nevada’s show” they had a habit of watching cliche romance serieses but he still walked to the car without complaining.
Is this any better sorry if Im bugging you by fixing it and resending it.
I totally meant to reply but didnt so hopefully youre writing right now and dont even see this message until later.
Welcome to this thread!
I’m gonna go write
I’mma write too.