Story ramblings! The Tea Of The Day Is - Dong Ding Tea!!


#641

Ah, okay then! Good luck with editing.


#642

Im only on chapter 2 so editing is a long ways away I just wanted to make sure that scene isnt as bad as I think it is dialogue wise.


#643

Oh. It seems a little stiff dialogue wise, tbh.


#644

Any specific sentences?


#645

The “so what’s your friend’s name?” part. Judging from Nevada’s previous lines, I feel like he would just drop it but still be convinced that Octavian and Marcus aren’t just “friends”.


#646

Yea I think it was because I wanted Nevada to not pressure Octavian but at the same time I wanted the conversation to continue.


#647

Just end it. Don’t pressure yourself to stretch out something.


#648

Somebody make me write. I’m getting so behind


#649

I should also probably have them leave the office too although Im not sure how I can have them continue the conversation later on to introduce Marcus further.


#650

Hmm… well, how about put a gap between “Just a friend!” and Nevada asking his name.


#651

I rewrote it but I feel like its still kind of not in character so I might just have them leave the office and continue the conversation later.


#652

I realized they were just standing inside an office talking about it.


#653
Again a slightly unessicary arrow I just felt it was needed so people who dont want to read it wont be bothered

“Hmmm sureee”Nevada said.

“Just a friend!”Octavian insisted.

Nevada held up their hands in surrender “I know I didnt say anything”They said before going to the office door and opening it.”Weve gotten get home before five and the drive is long”They said.

Octavian let out a sign of relief that the conversation was dropped before hurrying out of the office door.”What happens at five?”Octavian asked.

“My shows on at five thirty and I would like to not miss it”Nevada said.

Octavian rolled his eyes at the mention of “Nevada’s show” they had a habit of watching cliche romance serieses but he still walked to the car without complaining.

Is this any better sorry if Im bugging you by fixing it and resending it.


#654

I totally meant to reply but didnt so hopefully youre writing right now and dont even see this message until later.


#655

anyone here?


#656

Hi.


#657

hello


#658

Welcome to this thread!


#659

I’m gonna go write


#660

Cool.
I’mma write too.
Well, edit.