Summary help required - Please?


#1

I have just started a new book here on Wattpad, and I need a little bit of help with my Summary/Blurb/Thing. I’m no good at these so any help will be highly appreciated.

Title: The Factory Girl

Summary;

Rosie Grey was only seven years old when she arrived at Mr Thompson’s cotton factory. Now fourteen, she has become accustomed to the treatment of the workers and the harsh conditions under which they are forced to work.

After an accident in the storeroom leads to her dismissal, Rosie must try to make her own way in the real world, away from the life she had grown used to. When she bumps into Robert Ealing, son of well-known Doctor, Charles Ealing, Rosie unwillingly accepts their help.

Accepting a position in their household, Rosie struggles to forget her past, a past that will always make her the factory girl.


#2

Mind you I’m no expert, but I have some thoughts for improvement.

Can this be worded more clearly to establish that Rosie is among the workers/they. As is it sounds more distant than something that happens to the main or POV character.

This sentence is somewhat vague and “try” is somewhat…hesitant (?) for a summary. It seems like from the later sentences that the decisive action is that Rosie takes a position with the Ealings. So, maybe go directly to that part. After the accident…Rosie goes to (maybe insert the name of the city or setting?) and accepts an offer of employment from Robert and Charles Ealing.

Is there any more concrete conflict that happens? Why is it important (why would the reader think it interesting) that Rosie put her past behind her? Does she want to do something that she wouldn’t be able to do if her past was known? Maybe mention that goal.

I mean, don’t give away the actual ending, but let the reader know why this is necessary or important to a plot other than Rosie having bad memories.


#3

As I noted in a reply on the blurb rating thread, this can be condensed to get rid of weak or redundant words.

Rosie was seven when she arrived at the cotton factory. Now fourteen, she’s accustomed to the treatment of the workers and the harsh working conditions.

An accident leads to her dismissal, so she must make her way in a world to which she is unaccustomed. She bumps into the doctor’s son, Robert, and she unwillingly accepts help, taking a position in their household while struggling to forget a past which marks her as ‘the factory girl’.

Condensed like this, you can more easily spot unnecessary or repetitive bits of information. Essentially, you need to trim the blurb to setting/situation, tone/mood, prime characters, goals and conflicts. Anything beyond these distracts.