Tales Beneath a White Moon

Tales Beneath a White Moon: Book 1of The Moon & Grim Reaper Trilogy

Story Summary

Intended Audience: 13+
Genre: Coming of age, supernatural, werewolf
Length: 50,000+

Major plot-lines/arcs to conclusion:
°Story opens with a prologue of Elizabeth as a child. She wants to play ball with her mother who is nowhere to be found, so she asks her grandpa about playing ball with her mother. It isn’t long before her grandpa senses something and Elizabeth’s mother is seen in the house. She has a small bundle in one arm and her other is at her side damaged. Elizabeth wants to go to her, but he stops her. A group of guard men comes along with a vampire, who later takes Rosella, Elizabeth’s mother, away leaving Elizabeth behind.
The first part starts with Sebastian, eleven years later, setting a trap hole to trap his sister’s friend. This is the first appearance of Sebastian. Next Elizabeth is introduce running a race as part of a test to determine ranking among the werewolf pack. It’s introduced them that Sebastian is Elizabeth’s well kept secret.
°Elizabeth relationship with her best friend Kane Blackthorn is introduce. Kane and Elizabeth’s boyfriend gets into a fight in which Kane wins, but Elizabeth walks off with her boyfriend to keep them apart. But Kane knows that Elizabeth loves him but he decides he would wait for her.
°Sebastian attacks someone one night which Elizabeth covers up. In act one, Sebastian end the act with losing control over his blood lust and killing a werewolf.
°The second act, Kane and Elizabeth argue over what Sebastian done and the fact that she was going to allow the local vampire clan to take the blame for the death of one of their own. Elizabeth is given the task to kill the vampire leader the next day.
Elizabeth does as she is asked and stumbles upon Chirpin, a vampire, who is interested in Elizabeth romantically. They talk and agree to make a deal that states that he would keep the vampires under control while she keeps the werewolves in line until they can come together later to discuss another solution to the war between both groups. The next day it’s revealed that the vampire leader is dead and Elizabeth’s grandpa congratulates her on a job well done, which earns a look of confusion between Kane and Elizabeth.
Sebastian follows the grandpa one day into deep in the forest. He is curious about their grandpa. But Elizabeth finds him before he is discovered by the grandpa. He is asked to leave which he does. He questions what he is on his way home.
It’s fall and Elizabeth and Sebastian agree to go on a race through the forest. During the race, Elizabeth leg is caught in a trap. Sebastian loses control over his lust and begins to drain her, which Kane comes to Elizabeth’s rescue. Kane says some harsh words that makes Seb. runs away. He next takes Elizabeth to the pack doctor. After a conversation between the doctors and the grandpa, who is the current alpha, Elizabeth can leave the doctor house. She gets onto Kane about his harsh words to Seb. Then she goes out in a storm in search of him.
She finds him and he is ramping his head into a tree in his vampire-werewolf form. She comforts him and tells him that she is like a mother to him, which calms him.
The next day Seb. ask Elizabeth what he is, to which she said he is like him and that she will one day answer his questions. Later, Elizabeth’s grandpa gives her the task of attending a yearly meeting between the other alphas across the world. She goes and provide her solution to the problems the different werewolves faced . On her way back home from China, where this meeting took placed, Chirpin snatches Elizabeth and takes her a few distance away to talk. He tells her he killed the vampire leader and kisses her before leaving. Sebastian meanwhile returned to the spot where his sister was trapped in a trap and he once more questions what he is.
Two weeks later, Elizabeth takes a break from her job and goes out with her friends to a mall. She meets Kane there and they have a small chat over Seb. Seb meanwhile takes a trip into the city at night. he doesn’t stay long, and he runs into a wolfdog n his way back home. He escape the wolf dog and his master.
Later Elizabeth is seen making out with Chirpin in order for him to sign the agreement of a pace treaty between the two groups. Later she goes with her friend to a gathering of peers at one of their peer’s house. There they play games and she sneaks away to talk with Kane. It’s revealed that Kane has been helping Sebastian control his abilities–the ones of his werewolf side anyway.Elizabeth and Kane make up. Meanwhile, Sebastian is off practicing his flying abilities.
Act three opens with Sebastian revisiting the city. This time he runs into some trouble. He lost cpntrol and drains someone, but lucky for him, another vampire comes along and hide his mess and gave him some vampire blood. Sebastian returns home sick. Kane finds Sebastian the next morning. He cares for the boy until Elizabeth comes home. Meanwhile, Elizabeth is on a trip to in Iran with a werewolf pack. She gets a feeling that something is wrong and returns home.
Sebastian isn’t getting any better, so Kane bring in his mother to help. After a initial decline, Kane’s mother helps and she have Kane and Elizabeth to go get some stuff for a medicine she was going to make.
Sebastian have a crazy dream where he once again question what he is and why he isn’t like everyone else. The medicine works and Seb. comes around. Eliazbeth tells Seb what he is and Seb. gets angry at her. Kane then comes and takes Seb off to a training spot where the two trained and throws him down a waterfall and tells him that he won;t be accepted by everyone, but that the few he is accepted by are ones to really care about.
The story ends with Elizabeth tell her grandpa that she will be the one to say who she will marry. She breaks up with her boyfriend and finds love in Kane, but they must keep their relationship a secret for now. Seb. is seen in the mirror questioning who he is, thus bring the story to an end.

Any notes or unique things:

*The story addresses prejudice thoughts and feeling between vampires and werewolves.
*Sebastian is a half breed
*The local werewolf and vampire groups are at war with each other.
*Elizabeth and Sebastian’s grandfather is the current alpha and he holds on to traditional way such as arranged marriages and alpha position being passed down the bloodline.

2 Likes

I like what you’ve got so far, but the Story Summary you put is not an actual summary of the major events that happen in your story from beginning to the end— it feels more like the type of Story Synopsis that is made to hook in an audience, and therefore it leaves me confused about the Major Plotlines/Arcs to Conclusion section because the things listed in there are things that I could not have picked up from the Story Summary.

So basically, a suggestion to you is to work on making a summary, and to post it here when you do so that people can help you out a lil better.

I couldn’t figure out how to identify the story arcs or what to include in the arc section. How do one identify the story main points without telling the whole story? Thank you by the way.

To identify the main points, I suggest you start from the end. Ask yourself these things: how does your story end, and what steps led your story to that ending?

Your ending seems to be that Sebastian learns to control his powers, and that Elizabeth falls for Kane. Trace back every event that supported the progression of that ending, from the moment Sebastian attacks someone, down to when (this you did not list but is an example of tracing back certain things) Sebastian starts showing some form of hostility and Elizabeth picks up on it, for instance. You don’t have to go into serious detail for the events you pick up on, for as long as they connect together and ultimately add up to the ending that you have in mind.

Those events are what I would say are main points, and by using them you won’t necessarily be telling the whole story. Good luck!

Heyo!

I can’t evaluate this until you provide a complete story summary. The purpose here is to explain your entire story. This isn’t a place for selling people on reading it and not revealing, it’s for improvement, so don’t hide anything or fear revealing spoilers.

If you do rewrite, tag me so I know.

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@nick

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So it’s still very difficult for me to evaluate for a couple of reasons.

First, you have more than double the maximum word count here. You need to chop this at least in half. For example, a prologue should not be in your summary if it isn’t relevant to the plot, and if it is relevant to the plot then it is not a prologue, it’s a regular chapter.

Second, it’s very unclear what the major narrative is that’s going on through this process, or what the emotional line is for the characters. Just in the opening, there is Sebastian but we learn nothing about him or his relationship to the plot, Elizabeth is introduced right after for the sake of showcasing that she’s going to be in a race, but then the race isn’t relevant to the plot anymore, and a different random character (Kane) is introduced with a different problem (Kane loves her but she has a boyfriend).

Then, before we can explore either of those, Sebastian randomly attacks someone.

Any one of those events (the race, the lover, the attack) could be the start of the story or what the story is about, but then in the next part even more new and seemingly random events are introduced and happen, which is very overwhelming as a reader to even track and even harder as an evaluator to figure out what I’m supposed to be caring about or judging on. This needs to be condensed down to maybe 4-5 major events that are all interconnected and build on each other, leading to something. For example:

  1. Sebastian loses control as a vampire and kills a werewolf
  2. Elizabeth is required to banish Sebastian, her friend, to prevent war
  3. Sebastian becomes a rogue and a danger to both parties
  4. Elizabeth is tasked with killing him to end the threat
  5. Elizabeth refuses to do so and lets him escape

And then between them can be some smaller events as you build it out, but that might be your core when you plot it in a very simplified way. Something like that needs to happen first because there’s way too much in too many directions in here right now.

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