The Critique Circle - Making YOUR Blurbs Suck LESS -Part One: The Revival

I just spent more or less an hour backlogging for this series. Whoop. Anyways―

Welcome Wattpadders, Writers and sapient walking carpets,

jm52Lyj

Here is where we will help you improve your blurb, while you improve your fellow writer’s.

The rules are simple, but I’ll dumb them down for you anyway:

1. You may post your blurb here at anytime.

2. You may critique any other poster’s blurb as long as that person has critiqued another person’s blurb.

3. You will not be helped if you have not helped someone else in turn.

4. Feel free to help others more than you were helped yourself. This will earn you Brownie™ points. Which you can use to fuel your ego.

A few totally awesome peeps will be watching over this trainwreck, myself included. If you earn enough brownie points, (2) you can spend them by asking for multiple critiques of the same blurb.

Keep warm; stay cool,

Edgar A.

Go for it!

To start off, I’ll post.

Straight-A student, Ziva Kritikos, loves to learn. She's always been curious about new things. So when she wishes on a star to know more, she's gifted the ability to eat words. More intrigued than horrified, Ziva eats to her heart's content at first.


With knowledge comes power, and this can’t be more true for her. Every word she eats gives her everything she’s ever wanted to learn and more. However, the consequences of such a power turn out to be much more than she bargains for.

10 Likes

Hold up. She eats words?!

5 Likes

Yeppp.

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As in physically eats words?

I think if this is the case you should make a reference to digestion, stomach or something like this.

otherwise it looks like you are just saying she takes in and remembers words, for which to be eating would be a bit clunky.
physically eating is fun though!

mine, for a young-adult murder-mystery:

Attempt 1:Evie, a 14yo girl goes on holiday with her family to stay in a creepy old house in a remote mountain village, only to find the caretaker of the house is dead. Her list of suspects is getting longer and a white cat keeps turning up where it shouldn’t. Can she find out who the murderer is before her own family is suspected?

Attempt 2:A fourteen year old girl named Evie goes with her family to stay in a creepy old house in a mountain village, surprised to find the caretaker of the house is dead.
Her list of suspects is getting longer and a white cat keeps turning up where it shouldn’t. A holiday of frantic snooping and investigations, can she find out who the murderer is before her own family is suspected?

Attempt 3:

Evie, a fourteen year old girl, goes on holiday with her family to stay at a creepy house in the mountains. On the first morning the caretaker of the house is mysteriously found dead, nobody can work out how or why.
A curious white cat keeps turning up where it shouldn’t, the list of suspects is growing and the clues are starting to point to her own family.
Evie sets off on the investigation of a lifetime with the help of a new friend to solve the case before her own family takes the blame.

9 Likes

Hmm… for the first sentence try,

“A fourteen year old girl named Evie…”

That looks more proffesional than 14yo

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good point, amended thanks!

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On Wattpad especially, you don’t need this line in the blurb. Better add it in the tags! #murdermystery #youngteens #teens and so on.

But because it’s a murder-mystery, it’d be better to make a more impactful blurb. Third-person or not, try adding more emotions. Attract the potential reader, make them feel the surprise, curiosity/determination Evie is feeling, make them curious to read more.

My own blurb:

I like long walks at the beach. Nothing wrong with that, except when a little girl drowns and the police find signs of strangling on her corpse. Everyone’s fingers are pointed at me. Being the madman in this town doesn’t help much.

6 Likes

Make sure you go in a bit more detail when critiquing if you plan on posting your blurb!

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perfect. that’s a toughie to add emotion to, but I agree and will find a way :smiley:

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This is… very fast-paced. Is this for a short story? If not, I recommend adding more detail because at the moment it feels kinda nonchalant, especially if this is in first person. But maybe that’s what you’re going for since she’s a self-proclaimed “madman.”

But if that’s true, and her voice is this distant about finding a dead body, why should I read on to see if she finds a way to prove herself innocent?

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I was just sneaking a quick message in during English class

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Oh xD

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the protagonist is male, just saying xD
It is gonna be a short story, not sure how short yet. But I do struggle in adding detail :confused: I was trying to hang onto the fact that he’s a madman, [not self-proclaimed, in the story he points out that everyone in town thinks so] meaning seeing things from his perspective does not mean they are correct. Maybe he sees things the way he wants them to be, not the way they are. But yes, I need to make that much more obvious. In the story itself, it appears he’s either framed or he’s done it. It was a conspiracy against him, framed indeed. I want to balance the reader between trusting the protagonist and not trusting him, but yeah even in the blurb it shows I’m not good at doing it. I need more practice at writing xD Thanks for the critique :hearts:

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Whoops!
So he’s like an unreliable narrator? Sounds like that would work well in a mystery. Play with it a few more times and you’ll get the hang of it.

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Yes, exactly! I need to practise a lot with it xD

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Maybe try “I may be a madman, but I have my principles. Murder wasn’t one of them, right?” or something.

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Oh, I see you edited. Make sure to mention that before your post gets buried. cx

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I’ve had my turn, whilst I would love someone to re-read it, I don’t want to hog the space :smiley:

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Alright! Guess I’ll post my other one.

1 Like