The Hidden Realms- Eleanormay29

The Hidden Realms

Lucy is a girl living the high life in the 21st century Melbourne. She has a boyfriend and is used to the conveniences of the modern-day lifestyle. After exploding at her co-worker during a meeting, she goes to the bathroom only to watch her ears form delicate points.

She stopped believing in magic and fairies a long time ago but now? It may be the only logical explanation.

that night she finds a mysterious note asking for Lucy to meet by the snow-covered tree in the middle of a forest. At three o’clock in the morning. Lucy goes, only to meet one of the many queens of the realms, Rebelle. Rebelle reveals that Lucy’s mother was an elf and lived in the realms for several years. Lucy inherited her mother’s elf blood and now, the same people who killed Lucy’s mother are after her. The only way to guarantee Lucy survives is for her to follow Rebelle back to the realms and live out the remainder of her life there.

She agrees and for the first year in the realms, her life is carefree and simple. In another part of the realms, however, chaos and war brews. And a rebellion stirs.

Soon Lucy finds herself tangled up in a scheme set up by the corrupt government - The Council. The Council calls its scheme ‘The Highborn Scheme.’ It involves taking groups of individuals with influence on the thrones from their homelands and placing them in a realm not even the royals know exists. The new realm is desolate and isolated, and those that live in it are unaware of what is going on outside.

They are given three years to hand over their political power and if they refuse, they will be murdered.

Lucy is thrown in with a group of royals, their guards and several others. All of which refuse to hand over their influence.

After the mysterious disappearance of several of the highborns, it becomes clear to all that this is no child’s play. And in a world where Werecats and vampires command the night and nature is controlled by magical realmers nothing is taken lightly.

Lucy soon becomes aware that her new friends are hiding secrets, some of which could get them killed.

Soon the organiser of the scheme - Felicia Aubern, begins to get suspicious of both Lucy and her new companions. So, in desperation they make a vague attempt to escape, only to find themselves on the run and wanted criminals with hefty price tags on their heads. Not only that but it quickly becomes clear that the moment they step out of the realm old enemies are after them. And the people that murdered Lucy’s mother are closing in on her.

Intended audience: YA
Genre: Fantasy
Intended length: 70-80 thousand words. First in a series.

Hey @nick I’ve come back through and redone my summary completely. I’m hoping this is better, I honestly can not do formal/informative writing to save myself nevertheless, I hope I have made a better impression. Thank you!

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I’m not an expert with plot summaries, but this seemed like more of a set up than anything else. I didn’t really see an ending and I can’t tell which character(s) I’m supposed to be following/ emotionally attached to. It seems more like a world wide study of politics at this point, which might just be an issue with the way the summary is written. (We’ve all been there. Summaries are hard.)

This also seems way to flowery. You’re not trying to sell us on the book here. Yes, this would be a compelling (albeit long) blurb. But for a plot summary? It has too time spent building intrigue and not enough bare bones information.

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This is not something you see in a plot summary. This is entirely flowery language. Plot summaries need to be dry. It’s taking your work and making it more technical.

The words “and the disappearance of magic” are cliche and sound clunky. I think you can write something on the lines of:
“It starts with an invasion, followed by the disappearance of magic.”

Remove the fullstop, it and merge the sentence with the first for a tighter effect. Like this:
“It starts with an invasion, followed by the disappearance of magic and ends with an escape attempt.”

This is so vague. I think you should add details like name of the government and the basic concept of it here.

There should be a comma before ‘they’ and after ‘l’ in the Devils Like this:
“overthrowing the Devil’s empire, they are unaware”

I’m afraid I don’t understand this line. Are you talking about Cupid? If so, mention their name so that we can connect better with them. Like this:
“Cupid is an assassin, a rebel leader and the dethroned Queen of (add the realm name here)–one of the most powerful realms in existence.”

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This is back cover description or back cover copy, not a summary. The summary will contain the entire plotline, including the middle and end and all spoilers that encompasses.

If you change this to a summary you can let me know by tagging me and I can return to review.


Got it. Thank you both. :blush:

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Other than this explanation

The summary will contain the entire plotline, including the middle and end and all spoilers that encompasses.

how can we learn and recognise the difference between a back cover copy and a summary, Nick? Or what you have stated the only criteria? Just curious, Nick :slight_smile:

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That’s the definition.

I also ask for, in the original post, the complete story summary, including the ending, so this isn’t hidden information or up for interpretation or learning. It’s explained.


Hmm… Thanks :slight_smile: Learned something new today =]

I’m bookmarking the post for reference.

Hey nick! I’m not sure if you’ve given me feedback in this… would you mind clearing that up for me a bit? Thanks.

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Hey @nick I redid this as requested and saw you haven’t actually given me feedback on this? I understand if you’ve been busy. Thanks

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The major question for me is what is the relationship that Lucy has with the plot, specifically and personally?

She is a woman living the high life who then finds out she’s magical royalty and then becomes engaged in a magical conflict. But she specifically has nothing to gain or lose or learn from any of this, she’s just sort of there, in a sense. You could replace her with any other person and it doesn’t change the plot or the outcome or any event.

So in that sense, when you don’t have a character in relation to your plot, the events unfold closer to a textbook, where in one thing happens and then another and so on. I need to understand how Lucy is connected to the story. The set up of her living a high life seems to indicate she’s going to lose all that or needs to learn a lesson about loving what she has but she doesn’t she just has an unrelated side adventure as fun royalty. That can be sort of fun but it isn’t lasting without connection.