Hello! Kindly help me finalize my pitch. Constructive criticism is much appreciated.
Story description: Riva Phadnis has a great life with a loving family, perfect grades and a bright future. All that changes when she realizes that she is a Wanderer who can travel to another world in her dreams. A world where political power holds greater value than a person’s life. And when that person turns out to be her mother, she has no choice but to accept her destiny and go on a quest that involves a mysterious baritone Prince.
With a strict deadline that comes with dangerous repercussions if not met and wandering emotions that get in the way of that, our smart heroine has to figure out what holds more importance in her life. She needs to figure out which world she’d rather choose, one with her perfect life or one with a chance at love.
Story summary: (spoiler alert!) Riva Phadnis considers her life to be perfect with good grades, a wonderful family and a bright future. That is before she begins to travel to Lennum, another world in her dreams. Initially unable to believe the possibility of it, she is forced to come to terms with her situation when her dreams begin to affect her reality.
During one of her travels, she comes across Prince Nikomedes, a war hero and former Crown Prince of Kravengroth, on a quest to reclaim his position, after his step-brother takes the throne of his kingdom. After being belittled as a bastard child in front of his subjects, Nikomedes takes an oath to open the Gates of Heaven, a kingdom of gods (higher beings) in return for the throne and an apology.
Riva is unwilling to get involved in the ongoing power struggle, and the seemingly impossible task that Prince Nikomedes has undertaken, but she is given no choice in the matter when the past actions of her grandmother, Coarla Blint, end up affecting her mother. The only way Riva can save her mother’s life is by befriending and betraying Nikomedes and making sure he doesn’t complete his quest.
Riva embraces the powers that come with being a Wanderer as well the the additional ability she has as a spell caster. She uses a charm given by her grandmother to stay grounded at Lennum without coming back to Earth. But, since that requires her to be asleep for a long period of time without her spirit in her body, she is given a deadline of six months to save her mother before she herself dies.
Riva once again meets Niko and joins him on his quest. Although wary of her initially, he soon grows fond of her. Throughout the quest, they travel to different kingdoms of Lennum, befriend many people, fight various battles and demons to collect the relics required to open the gates of Heaven.
When they are almost done, Riva is reminded of her initial task as well as of her deadline. Saving her mother takes precedence and so, Riva betrays Nikomedes. She secures the relic of Kravengroth, ‘the healing stone’ from Prince Morrin, the step-brother of Niko and returns to Earth. After saving her mother and realizing she can no longer travel to Lennum, she realizes that she is in fact madly in love with Prince Nikomedes.
The horror and guilt of having betrayed the person she loves are traumatic for her and she becomes a watered-down version of her previously shining self. However, she continues to train on Earth to keep her abilities intact as they are the only reminders of her adventures on Lennum.
Five years later, a former friend from Lennum uses a different portal to travel to Earth and urges Riva to go back with him to help Prince Nikomedes who is dying. This time with nothing holding her back, she bids farewell to her life on Earth and chooses to save Nikomedes.
She finally succeeds in helping him reclaim his pride and the throne after a long struggle. She apologizes to Nikomedes for her betrayal and works to redeem herself. He eventually forgives her and together they begin the “Golden Period of Kravengroth.”
Intended audience: New Adult
Genre: Fantasy, Adventure, Romance
Story length: Currently about 20,000 words. Estimate it to be about 120,000 words.
Logline: Riva, a teenager with close to perfect life, finds herself embroiled in a political power struggle when she learns that she’s a Wanderer who can travel to another world in her dreams.